My dishwasher's possessed

one mom's attempt to find humor in the chaos

Making the Grade

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Making the Grade

My cell phone rang and jarred me from my computer. I checked the time, I still had about 25 minutes to work before my kids started coming home from school.

I looked at the phone and saw it was my 17-year-old son. Strange, he should be in class. Hoping that there was no problem, I quickly picked it up.

“Mom, I got my math regents grade back.”

With those few words, I could feel my heart start to pound. That darn test. Living in New York State, a student cannot graduate high school unless they pass at least five regents exams; one in English, one in science, two in history, and one in math.

For most students, who like my son work hard, attend class, and do their assignments, this isn’t that hard. But for Tom, who is dyslexic, it is a hoop that some teachers and professionals have feared he would never be able to even attempt, never mind achieve.

My husband and I have always known our son was bright, even brilliant. He knew all of his numbers and letters before he was 18 months old. By the time he was four, he could tell you the names of all the U.S. presidents, the order in which they served, and the president that was in office the year you were born. His love of music was intense, and he could tell you every song the Beatles or Elvis recorded. He has always had a thirst for knowledge.

But Tom’s dyslexia made school a real challenge. He always dramatically underperformed on the standardized tests that are used to evaluate a student’s ability to achieve. But the results never represented what he was able to do in a classroom.

When Tom was four my husband and I decided to have him privately tested to see the scope of his learning issues. His preschool teacher needed to fill out an assessment of him. Under the line: What are the student’s assets, the teacher put down his sweet personality and his desire to learn. Under his liabilities she named me. His mother. She felt that I did not have a full grasp of his issues.She gave this assessment despite knowing he had been getting a host of therapies since he was 18 months old.

Very early on we made Tom an important part of his learning team. We were honest with him about his issues, letting him know that there was nothing to be ashamed of. Some people learn differently. If he was willing to work, we would help him find a way to do as much as he could in his academic career.

When Tom was ready to enter the eighth grade, he wanted to take Spanish. Because he was exempt from taking a foreign language on account of his low standardized test scores, they would allow it only if he agreed to do it for no credit. My 13-year old-son looked at our district’s chairperson for special needs directly in the eye, and said, fine, he would do it. He ended up getting the highest grades in the class and received the full credit.

Tom has maintained a B average throughout his high school career. He hopes to go to college for film. All that was standing in his way was this math test. He had taken it three times and did better each time, but he continued to fail. He was starting to get a bit tired of me saying this was a marathon not a sprint.

My heart broke each time we would get the failing results. Is it possible I’m wrong? Is this just one hurdle he won’t be able to jump? Maybe his preschool teacher was right. I am his biggest liability.

“Mom. I got a 71 on the test. I passed Mom. I did it.”

I would tell you what I said, but I have made it a rule to never use four letter words in my writing. I couldn’t help it. I found myself cursing like a sailor. Then the tears started to fall. Then he started to cry.

Motherhood is full of times when you doubt your own instincts. When you wonder if you are pushing your child too hard or not pushing enough. For that one brief moment I knew, really, really, knew that everything we did to help our son achieve what he wanted was worth it.

“Mom, thanks. I love you. Thanks for believing I could do this.”

For one of the few times in my life, I really had nothing left to say.

Comments

  2. Rena McDaniel says

    That was beautiful Kathy! I am so proud of him. I feel like I’ve come to know him over the years and he’s grown so much. You are a wonderful mother and I’d like to kick that teacher’s ass (that’s only three letters) sorry. What a thing to live with all of these years. I’m sorry you and your son endured that and probably a lot worse. The good out weighs the bad and that’s what matters most. Perseverance wins out in the end!
    Rena McDaniel recently posted…I’ve Got A Secret To Tell You & So Do My Friends! Secret Subject SwapMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Thanks Rena! I will say the one good thing about enduring doubt at an early age is that it does make you stronger and I think more able to face the challenges of school later on. He is so relieved right now!!! xo

  3. Lisa Weinstein says

    Kathy – I think you need to take Tom’s Regents tests and shove them up his pre-school teacher’s you know what! So thrilled for Tom! Any thoughts on where he wants to go to college?

      • Kathy Radigan says

        I think she knows how well he is doing right now. It’s a smallish town and word gets around!! She id actually tell me that I was good for him, at the end of the year. But that comment has stayed with me. I will say we have had far more teachers who were helpful than not. xoxo

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Thanks Lisa!!! Teachers have their own set of experiences and sometimes when they see something they can’t explain it’s easier to blame the parents or think that they are not realistic. Of course we have had so many wonderful champions for him, but he had to prove himself first. And that is why I was always glad when all three of my kids developed “party tricks”, skills that they could show off so I didn’t look crazy!! Lol!

  4. Sam says

    Congrats to your son! I can’t believe you had a therapist call you a “liability.” From what I’ve read you seem to have a firm grasp on your son’s abilities. You encourage him, support him, and believe him. Sounds like you are one of his greatest assets to me.

    • Kathy Radigan says

      It was his preschool teacher, and I have to say though I laughed at it, it has stayed with me! Thankfully my husband was always on the same page as I was so it made it much easier!!! I will pass on your good wishes to Tom, he is very happy and relieved!! xo

  5. Sharon Greenthal says

    Tests were always such a challenge for my son. It’s unfortunate that there is really only one way to learn for our kids, and they have to bend and twist to fit the mold. So thrilled for your son and you!

Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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