My dishwasher's possessed

one mom's attempt to find humor in the chaos

Packing Up My Forties

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Packing Up My Forties

I hate moving. I’m not the best with change, and I always panic that I will make a mistake and take something I don’t need, such as my collection of 90s work dresses that I just had to take with me to my new house 14 years ago. I was five months pregnant with my second child and had no plans to return to work at an office anytime soon. At other times I left behind things that I really regretted losing, such as my grandmother’s antique wing chair. It was left on a New York City curb when I changed apartments about twenty-six years ago.

This time I need to be careful because I’m not packing up a house, I’m packing up a decade. My forties will expire in about a week, and I want to make sure I bring the things I want into my fifties and discard forever the I’m-way-too-old-for-this-nonsense stuff of the last five decades.

When I entered my forties, I was a married mom of three, with my youngest only six months old. Baby bottles, cribs, and teething were all firmly in my present and future. I have to say it’s with a little sadness that those things are gone for good now.

I spent so many years wanting and raising babies that to firmly say goodbye to those years is bittersweet for me. I will miss being a mom to younger kids. But I am totally enjoying getting to know the people my kids are growing into.

My fifties will most likely give me a ringside seat to first loves, first jobs, and first heartbreaks. I look forward to it all. (Well not the heartbreaks, but I will be glad to give them a safe place to land.)

I’m also bringing a new passion and career with me into my next decade. The dyslexic girl who was too fearful to admit that she wanted to be a writer is now a woman who is on her way to being able to claim that profession on her tax return. I never imagined finding something that filled me with as much satisfaction and joy that performing brought me in my late teens and twenties, but that is just what I did the day I started writing and sharing my stories online.

Of course I’m taking my husband with me. (I’m sure he will be happy to hear this.) I can’t believe we have been together 25 years and married for almost 23. We started dating in July of 1990, and I have spent more time with Joe than without him. Thank God.

Now for what won’t be coming with me. After five decades, I’m finally getting rid of the phrase, “I can’t.” These two words have dominated my vocabulary for about as long as I can remember.

The list of my one-time “can’t do’s” have included, but are not limited to, driving, college, typing, writing, blogging, gardening, co-founding an online magazine, and mastering a myriad of social networks.

I now know I can do far more than I ever thought I could, and I’m going to continue to push myself to try new things. If for some reason I don’t master something (Zumba comes to mind), it won’t be because I didn’t try.

Saying-yes-when-I-want-to-say-no will also not be welcome in this new decade. I must say that I’m quite glad its appearance has been sparse these last few years, but since it can be a real stubborn little bugger, I’m making it very clear that it’s persona non grata.

Disparaging remarks about my body will not be tolerated. This is a little harder because I’m not at a weight I’m happy with, and I can far too easily rattle off a list of things I can find fault with. But, this body has seen me through five decades, four miscarriages, three children, years of not enough sleep, way too much stress, a host of adventures, and many near misses. The least I can do is be kind to it.

As I think about the treasures that I’m taking with me and the things that I’m leaving behind, I can’t help but feel so much gratitude for my first half century. I’m especially grateful for all the people who have crossed my path in big and small ways. I am truly excited to see not only what the next decade brings to me but what I can bring to it   

Comments

  3. Lisa Weinstein says

    Kathy – this is a beautiful piece that I can so relate too. I can empathize with everything you said. I turned 50 in April and lived to tell the tale, and you will too. I hope we get to meet each other some day. Happy 50th my sweet, beautiful friend! With love, Lisa

  4. Andrea Brovetto says

    Kathy that is one if your best posts ! Of course I’m crying!! I just love how you write and kniw one day soon you will have many best sellers out there!!! I am so proud of you ! I lived becoming 50 and so will you ! Love you Mom!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Nicole I just read your piece and thought it was so funny that we were writing about similar things in different decades. Thanks so much!! And just so you know, I have loved my forties!! xo

  7. Rena McDaniel says

    I love this Kathy! I’ve only got a few more years that I can stick a 4 in front of and I’ve also been giving a lot of thought to where I want to be when that half century mark hits. I write that and I can’t help but think how fast the time has flown! Now I spend my time showering my grandkids with love and guiding mom through this last confusing stage of her life and I wonder when I will finally have time for “me”. I squeeze in moments here and there but I can’t wait for the day I wake up and have nobody to answer to. I wouldn’t change it for the world though. Happy early birthday I hope it is a fantastic one!
    Rena McDaniel recently posted…THE 2015 #WALK2ENDALZ IN GREENVILLE, SC WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!My Profile

  15. Joy says

    I love the idea of packing some stuff and leaving others we’re too old for, mostly the nonsense / b.s. 🙂 You’re a fab 50 girl, Kathy! Actually, 30s 40s or whatever, you are amazing and fabulous! :-))
    Joy recently posted…Our Parents in UsMy Profile

  18. Shannon says

    Great reflection on aging. As a 32 year old with a newborn and toddler, it’s valuable to see what people say they’ve learned during these years!

Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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