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An Unplanned Change of Direction

January 24, 2016 By Kathy Radigan

An Unplanned Change in Direction

Some events occur and we know instantly our lives have been changed forever. Other times something will happen, and we don’t recognize until weeks or months later that the course of our lives has been completely altered.

I would put the days I found out I was pregnant with each of our three children in the first category. There was also the Valentine’s Day almost 24 years ago when Joe asked me to marry him. These are the moments that take your breath away. The ground shifts right under your feet.

Then there are the subtler moments when we don’t realize until much later that that was the moment our life changed direction.

The day more than 25 years ago when I met Joe was one. It was on a blind date.

This was in 1990, years before Google, Facebook, Tinder, Match.com, and all the other digital means for meeting people existed. Back in the old days, people met through mutual friends and sometimes talked on the phone before they dated.

I was at a strange place in my life. I recently left acting, or rather the dream of an acting career. I was in a job that paid the bills, albeit by the skin of my teeth, and I was officially on my own financially, living in New York City. I was without direction and kept kidding around with my girlfriends that I was waiting for the postcard from God as to what I was supposed to do with my life.

Desperate for an answer, I had the bright idea that I would go on a prayer vigil.

Although I was raised in the Lutheran Church, I’ve always considered myself more a spiritual person than a religious one. I held the vigil not out of religious fervor but a deep-seated need for guidance. I hoped that by setting time aside each day and concentrating on what I wanted, I would get an answer.

If it came from above in a nice, easy-to-read postcard, that would be all the better.

Each day on my lunch hour, I went to a church that was just a few blocks from my office. I sat in one of the pews, quieted my mind, and prayed for about 10 to 15 minutes.

I was very specific in my prayer. I wanted to know what my purpose in life was and what I should do about it. It was a simple request; I wasn’t asking for much.

Toward the end of the 30 days, I was sitting in church when I suddenly started to cry. At that moment I realized that, although I had some great friends that I really loved, I was profoundly lonely.

I admitted to myself and God that I really wanted to find someone special. I then quickly added that I wanted the purpose first. I didn’t want to confuse God. I wanted that purpose.

I’m a little fuzzy on the exact timing, but it was around this time that my friend Roni mentioned she knew a guy who had the nicest personality and the sweetest face. She thought we would really hit it off.

Sure. I’d heard that one before. For the last few years, I had been going on a string of blind dates with little real success. I told Roni I was game if she didn’t mind giving me the guy’s number rather than the other way around. Why should the man have all the power? It was the 1990s. A guy could wait around for my call for a change.

I walked around with Joe’s number in my purse for about three weeks.

One day I was really discouraged after a recent date. I complained to both my mom and my roommate Michelle about my love life. They suggested I call the guy whose number I had been carrying around.

A week after our first phone call, I met Joe in front of St. Patrick’s Cathedral. My friend was right – he did have a sweet face. He was also very nice. So I said yes to a second date. But I told Michelle that I didn’t think much was going to come of this.

After three dates I realized I really liked him. After seven I knew this was different from anything I had felt in the past. I had fallen very deeply in love for the first time in my life.

A few months into my relationship with Joe, I was talking to my friend Deirdre. She was telling me how happy she was that I had found such a great guy.

I told her that I was really happy, but that this was not the way it was supposed to work. I had clearly asked God for my purpose in life. I only added that I wanted someone as an afterthought. Why did God hear that plea when I spent thirty days asking for my purpose?

“Kathy, you don’t know God’s plan. Maybe Joe will be part of your purpose.”

And he was.

The ground had shifted. My life’s direction had changed course, and I hadn’t even known it.

 

This piece is a re-working of an essay that first appeared on the Dishwasher, 2/12, under the name, An Unexpected Change
 
 
 

 

Filed Under: Beyond Mom Tagged With: beyond mom, blind dating, faith, love stories, marriage, Valentine's Day, young adulthood

Comments

  1. Janine Huldie says

    January 24, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    Aw, definitely loved hearing how you and Joe met and sounds like god indeed did have a greater purpose here for sure 😉
    Janine Huldie recently posted…Crayons and The Pink Girl Lives OnMy Profile

  2. [email protected] says

    January 25, 2016 at 12:52 am

    This is such a beautiful story Kathy. I never knew how the two of you met. It was clearly meant to be!
    [email protected] recently posted…Crock-Pot Maple Dijon ChickenMy Profile

  3. Rena McDaniel says

    January 25, 2016 at 7:44 am

    So he took care of your loneliness and gave you purpose. That’s two birds with one stone. He dad you both got it right!
    Rena McDaniel recently posted…Let Them Eat Cake! 12 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Relationship With Aging Parents While CaregivingMy Profile

  4. Andrea Brovetto says

    January 25, 2016 at 10:38 am

    Great post ! Indeed you have a purpose ! Mom to three wonderful children and great husband. I think you help many with your stories ! That’s a good thing ! Proud if you! Love mom and dad!

  5. Katherines Corner says

    January 25, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    beautiful post my darling friend xoxo

  6. Kenya G. Johnson says

    January 25, 2016 at 3:03 pm

    Aww Kathy that was beautiful! I love the last line of this post.

    I met my husband on a blind date too in 1995 I think. We were married in ’97.
    Kenya G. Johnson recently posted…The Rookie Fan, the Old Man & FootballMy Profile

  7. Lisa Weinstein says

    January 25, 2016 at 6:20 pm

    Isn’t it funny how things work out, how one decision leads to another, then another, and then to the one decision or encounter that changes your life. I’m so glad you called Joe and for the happiness you have shared together for 24 years.

  8. Sam says

    January 26, 2016 at 8:33 am

    I really needed to read this. My husband and I are about to begin fertility treatments. This is our second time around, and I try so hard to just leave things in God’s hands. Thank you for the reminder ?

    • Kathy Radigan says

      January 26, 2016 at 9:00 am

      Sam please know I”m sending good thoughts. Joe and I went through that too and it was so difficult. In fact the only other time I went on a prayer vigil is when we were going through our miscarriages. Lots of love! xo

  9. Liv says

    January 26, 2016 at 11:00 am

    What a great meeting story. Funny how those points can change your whole life.
    Liv recently posted…Starbucks in the News Again with their Heart Sugar CookiesMy Profile

  10. Laurie Stone says

    January 26, 2016 at 4:03 pm

    I love when God answers our prayers. Joe’s your purpose, but you are his also. Lovely story.
    Laurie Stone recently posted…5 Surprising Thoughts on the Not-Yet-Empty NestMy Profile

  11. Nina says

    January 28, 2016 at 10:32 am

    I loved reading this, Kathy. So personal and we don’t often get to hear such a strong piece on faith in a world where that’s not always “popular” on the blogs. I do those topics too and I always wonder how they’re perceived. This was very raw and moving.

    • Kathy Radigan says

      January 28, 2016 at 10:57 am

      Nina thank you so much! That means so much to me coming from you! xo
      Kathy Radigan recently posted…An Unplanned Change of DirectionMy Profile

  12. Estelle Erasmus says

    January 28, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    I love hearing how you met your husband. You both have/had sweet faces by the way.
    Estelle Erasmus recently posted…The Practice of Parenting: My New Column on PsychologyToday.comMy Profile

  13. Katia says

    January 31, 2016 at 6:09 pm

    I can really identify with your search and the way you went about it. I find the story beautiful and very reassuring. Thank you so much for sharing it!

Trackbacks

  1. An Unexpected Change in Direction – InsideNaij says:
    January 27, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    […] This piece was previously published on Kathy’s site, My Dishwasher’s Possessed! […]

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Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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