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Driving Lessons

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Driving Lessons

Being the mom of two teens and a 10-year-old means a fair amount of my time is in my minivan shuttling kids back and forth from various activities. Driving is as much in my job description as are chief meal maker, laundry wrangler, and sibling arbitrator.

I’m a mom, I drive. Nothing special or out of the ordinary about that.Or is there?

Until the age of 34 I had never, ever, driven a car. After years of waiting, I picked up the phone and called a driving school and vowed to get over my very big fear of driving.

I’m not really sure where my fear came from, but each year that passed without me getting behind the wheel of a car just intensified it. And I’m pretty sure that if my husband and I had not moved out of New York City, where I had lived from the age of 18 until I was 32, I may never have learned.

There was also the birth of our first child a year after Joe and I moved to Queens.

Now that I was a mom, I didn’t want my kid to miss out on one event or opportunity because his mother was afraid to drive. I also didn’t want him to inherit my fear of doing things that scared the heck out of me. How was I going to teach Tom to go out into the big wide world if I was holding onto my last big fear?

As a girl growing up in the 70s and 80s with dyslexia, I had gotten the notion that if something felt too hard to do, I was incapable of ever doing it. My sense of space and direction is very affected by my learning difference. Right and left mean nothing to me. Even to this day I can get lost trying to get out of a paper bag. I had a long list of things I never thought I could do, including typing, paying my own bills, and going to college. I was really proud of the fact that I had crossed almost everything off my I-am-too-dumb-to-do list long before Tom was born. The only thing left was the driving.

I had gotten my learner’s permit a few months before. I knew that if I was ever going to learn I was going to need a professional to help me. My father-in-law had agreed to babysit Tom during my lessons, and I found a school that promised me they had a lot of experience dealing with people who were afraid to drive. I do believe that my teacher, Ray, became a candidate for sainthood after taking me out two days a week for six months and over 30 lessons because I was always convinced I wasn’t ready to take my driving test. If memory serves me, the school finally insisted that I take my test.

It took me three tries, but a week after my 35th birthday I had my driver’s license. A few months later we moved to the same Long Island suburb I grew up in, and before you knew it, I became just one more mom driving my brood of three around in my minivan.

How is it possible that the baby whose presence was the push I needed to get over my biggest fear is now old enough to get his own learner’s permit? Like any mom of a new driver, I am nervous about the what ifs. But as a woman who lived in fear of driving for so long, I really want Tom to feel comfortable behind the wheel and will make sure that he has everything he needs to become a safe and competent driver.

For the last few days, Tom has been walking around with his driver’s manual nervous that his own dyslexia will prevent him from learning to drive. I am so grateful that I totally understand that fear and can reassure him that if I can do it, he most certainly can.

 

Comments

  2. alisa/icescreammama says

    Such an an exciting (for Tom) and terrifying time! Driving is such a rite of passage that I know with your support he will zoom (within the speed limits without texting and making full stops for stop signs) right through!!
    alisa/icescreammama recently posted…Striking out (with Dad)My Profile

  3. Janine Huldie says

    I got my driver’s license when I was 17, but my own mom didn’t get hers until I was a little girl, as she had actually been in a car accident as a teen and was scared to learn. Even now that she does drive, she is definitely a more cautious driver. Not that I am not, but I think certain experiences just shape you. But I do think Tom having you who had similar feelings will be a huge help totally.
    Janine Huldie recently posted…In the Summer Time…Break To Enjoy It AllMy Profile

  4. Rena McDanielR says

    When our kids learn to drive it is probably one of the scariest things we will ever go through. Kudos to you for conquering those fears so that your son would someday know that he could conquer those same problems. I had my license, but quit driving after a really bad car accident. I’ve been talking about going back and getting them lately, it’s been 6 years since I’ve been behind the wheel of a car. I need to conquer this fear as well!
    Rena McDanielR recently posted…WHEN YOUR FAMILY TREE HAS MORE NUTS THAN FRUITS PART 4My Profile

  6. Sandy Ramsey says

    There are so many milestones in a child’s life that are bittersweet for a mom. Reaching driving age is most definitely one of them. I’ve been through it twice already and in two years will be going through it again. TWICE!! I’m sure Tom will do just fine. I think it’s really terrific that you have your own experience to understand and help him through his doubts. Good for you, Mom! And good luck to Tom!
    Sandy Ramsey recently posted…Addiction: There Is No Courtesy CallMy Profile

  7. Karen Hug says

    Kathy, what a great post, from the heart as always. My Mom didn’t drive until she was around 40, she was really scared and went into therapy for it, and finally did it! Now she’s 83 and is giving up driving. My twins will be 15 this Fall, so you know what that means!!

  10. TheJackB says

    I grew up in LA so I got my Learner’s Permit by 15.5 and a license at 16. I felt old and ready then, but now that my kid is starting high school and could be driving in a year I am like WTF were people thinking and what the hell are they thinking now.

    We were children.

    Oy, crazy that they are old enough, but really kind of cool too.
    TheJackB recently posted…I’m Not Dead YetMy Profile

  12. Tom Shrill says

    I was going to say that 34 was an odd age to learn to drive at, but if you lived in NY then it makes sense. Driving in NY is less than desirable with all the traffic and such. Good luck to Tom on getting his license as well!

  14. Sarah Anderson says

    That is interesting that you waited so long to get driving lessons and get a license. Doing it in order to help out your kids is a good reason to start though, good on you for facing your fear. Driving can be scary, but it’s not that hard once you get used to it! Hopefully your son did well on his test too, and if not, I wish him luck for the next time he will take it.

  15. wayne says

    It’s great to read your blog on how you overcame your fears of getting behind the wheel.
    I have been a driving instructor for over 10 years and get the most satisfaction in being able to help students to achieve their licence who thought they never would or were too scared to even try.
    If just goes to show that if you put in the hard work and effort no matter how long it takes you can and will achieve your goal.
    Sometimes as a lady learner going with a female instructor can make things more relaxed which we have at Can Drive driving school.
    http://www.candrivedrivinglessons.com/driving-instructors-in-mansfield/female-driving-instructor-in-mansfield/
    Thankyou for your great blog on your experience and hopefully this can inspire others in a similar situation to face their fears.

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Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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