Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away. This means that in every paper, magazine, and website you’ll find a host of articles on gratitude. There are even articles complaining about the people who write about how grateful they are.
As a writer I love the topic of gratitude. Counting my blessings is pretty easy as I have much in my life to be thankful for. But do people really need one more essay about my adorable children or why I’m grateful for lipstick?
Whenever I’m stuck for an idea, I tend to ask, cajole, threaten and even beg my husband for ideas. I’m pretty sure Joe was just having some fun with me when he suggested I write about being thankful I’m not a turkey. However since I’m desperate as well as always up for a challenge I figured, what the heck?
The following are my reasons why I feel blessed I’m not a the star of the Thanksgiving menu this year.
The attention is great, but the ending, not so much: Unless you are a vegan or really detest the bird, turkeys are the main course of a traditional Thanksgiving feast. Now don’t get me wrong, I love being the center of attention, (after all I’m a blogger).
The idea of having a host of articles and shows all about how to take care of me sounds really, really, tempting. Nonetheless we all know where all that attention leads to. That’s right, after everybody stands around and talks about how gorgeous you are, they carve you to pieces. No thanks. (Of course this can also happen to bloggers but I digress.)
Freedom is amazing, but at what price? I’m not going to lie, I do have occasional fantasies about being a bird and flying off into the sunset free and unencumbered. I would have no homework to help with, no children telling me I’m ruining their lives because I made pasta for dinner, and no one waking me up at 4:00 am asking for pancakes and bacon.
Now perhaps you’re under the assumption that though turkeys are birds they don’t fly. Well, I’m here to tell you you’re wrong. Wild turkeys can fly — they can go almost a mile without flapping their wings.
Of course, a mile is probably only as far as I would get before I missed my little dears asking me for a hug. Hardly seems worth the effort of becoming a turkey when I can just go to Starbucks if ever I need a quick reprieve.
Beware of diets that say you can eat all you want: Turkeys do get to stuff themselves silly in order to get ready for their big day. I’ve been trying to lose my baby fat for nine years, and the idea of being actually encouraged to eat all I want sounds pretty darn tempting.
But, I must refer you to Reason 1, all that eating comes at a price. Yes, once you are the perfect size, you are going to be put in a pan and cooked. No thanks.
No need to rush what nature is going take care of anyway: I’m 49. I only have a few more years before my neck starts looking like a turkey’s. I can wait.
Turkeys don’t blog: Well, though people who act like turkeys sure can have a lot to say, as a general rule I’m pretty sure no actual bird has their own website devoted to their life of raising children and getting older. What would I do if I didn’t spend hours obsessing on what to write and hours playing, I mean working, on Facebook and Twitter promoting my site? Clean? Cook? What fun would that be?
I have so much to be thankful for. I feel very blessed to have a great family and many dear friends, both on and off line. And this year especially, I’m very grateful for a husband who, along with me, is glad I’m not a turkey.
The following piece is a re-working of an essay first published on the Dishwasher 11/13 under the name, Five Reasons I’m Thankful I’m not a Turkey.