My dishwasher's possessed

one mom's attempt to find humor in the chaos

Time to Take Care of Mom

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Can a seriously abscessed back molar be the painful lesson that finally teaches this busy mom of three the importance of taking care of herself?

My oral surgeon hopes it is.

As he worked on my very infected tooth, he gently reminded me that this didn’t need to happen. I’ve been aware that this tooth was badly in need of a root canal for more than a year. Knowing that I’m a blogger, he then suggested that I write about this experience in order to help other busy, stressed-out moms that keep putting their own needs on the back burner.

“You should do the piece as if your tooth is writing it. You know, like I tried to warn you last year when you bit down on that apple and you felt pain, but you refused to listen. Or, I tried to let you know how much I needed a dentist when you drank that iced coffee a few months ago, and you felt that blinding pain, but you just kept ignoring me until I had no other choice but to become so infected that you could no longer ignore me.”

The man makes a really good point. He also isn’t the first doctor to give me the if-you-don’t-take-care-of yourself, how-are-you-going-to-take-care-of-everyone-else speech.

It isn’t that I purposely put myself last on my list. But taking care of three children can keep a mom on her toes. Homework, projects, after-school clubs, check ups, visits to the eye doctor, dentist, and orthodontist take up a lot of time and energy.

Not to mention all the appointments I’ve had to cancel for myself because one child ends up with a stomach virus, or as I’m leaving the house to go to the dermatologist, the school nurse calls to tell me that the kid who was running around singing not three hours before is now in the office with a 103-degree fever.

Just like most moms I know, I’m a great caretaker of others, I’m horrible at taking care of myself.

I’ve been thinking of how to change this. After all I do want to be healthy and around for my family for a very long time. How do I start to put myself on the top of my list?

It occurred to me that I could take a page out of my mommy playbook and use it on myself.

Here are some of the things I’m considering:

To help my kids learn our phone number and address and remember to wash their hands and brush their teeth I have made up little songs for them. Using the tune of This Old Man, I’m going to start singing this to myself whenever I’m in the car:

With a knick-knack paddy-whack, Kathy give a damn, your own health is your hands.

Just like a lot of other parents, I’ve resorted to using charts and stickers to get my child to stop using their pacifier or bang on the table instead of using their words. After five Barbie or Spiderman stickers were earned, they would get a treat, such as bottle of bubbles, a book or date with mom. Maybe for every time I go to the gym or keep an appointment for myself, I could get a George Clooney sticker and then when I get five, I could  get a manicure, new lipstick, or a  pair of shoes.

I’m also a master at reminding my three darlings 1 million times a day to brush their teeth, go to bed, do their homework, and put their coats away. My teenager calls this nagging. Perhaps I can start doing the same thing to myself:

Kathy, have made your appointment? Come on, let’s get to it. Kathy, Kathy. Kathy. Don’t you dare cover your ears and tell me you are not listening to me. Come on, it’s time. Call. Call now. Now.

And then of course, there is always the age old mommy trick of pulling out the big guns and start taking away iPhones, favorite movies, TV shows, and play dates. The next time I cancel my doctor’s appointment, I’ll have to ground myself–no Mad Men, The Good Wife, or coffee with friends until I’ve rescheduled and kept the appointment.

Since I’ve had varying degrees of success with all of these these techniques with my kids,I can’t promise that my transformation will happen overnight. But even I have to admit that when your dentist resorts to advising you to write an essay in the voice of your infected tooth, it’s probably time to start taking care of yourself.

 

 

 

Comments

  2. Lisa Weinstein says

    Kathy as always, I can so relate! I am the worst at slowing down and taking care of myself. I spend so much time working and then when I’m home, doing laundry, dishes, taking Melissa to one activity or another, that I don’t take time for me! Well, I am going to have to now. I’m not sure if I had shared with you that I am having surgery on Tuesday. There are problems with my “plumbing”. I need a partial hysterectomy, and repair of my bladder and rectum, which have prolapsed, affecting their ability to perform the functions that they are supposed to perform. So as I recover, I will now be forced to have Melissa do the laundry and dishes….and as much as she complains that she’s not good at those tasks, she’ll rise to the occasion, I have no doubt!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Lisa life has a funny way of making us face things we really don’t want to!! Wishing you a very speedy recovery and much love, I’m sure Melissa will rise to the challenge. Much love!

  3. Karen Hug says

    Kathy, you are so right, you have to take care of you! And yes our teeth have a way of giving us little signals and then BOOM! I don’t know how you do it with three kids, you are amazing, I have trouble keeping up with two! Take care and enjoy Spring and the flowers.
    Karen Hug recently posted…Battle of the Mirrors!My Profile

  5. Kathy Radigan says

    You are so right! I really never thought I would be one of “those” moms who fell into this trap, but here I am!! Thanks so much for stopping by! 🙂

  7. Doreen McGettigan says

    I have spent the last 18 months going to the University of Pa. Dental School at least 1x sometimes 2 or 3 times a week because of years of caring for everyone but me.
    It is a constant learning experience.
    Doreen McGettigan recently posted…Factitious DisordersMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Doreen thank you so sharing that! I’m afraid that is where I’m heading too. It’s horrible wheat we do to ourselves! But it is really hard to remember to put ourselves on the top of the list when there are so many people who need us. Thanks for the reminder!!! 🙂

  9. Jessica Azar says

    Wow. This seriously seriously seriously hits home for me. With four small kids, I constantly put myself last, and I didn’t go to the dentist for SIX YEARS because I was dealing with them… Finally went last September… Had a cavity… Still haven’t gone back to get it filled. I love your rewards system! I seriously may use it for myself….
    Jessica Azar recently posted…MomPower Episode 2: Understanding ToddlereseMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      GO NOW Jessica!!! That is how mine started, it was just a simple cavity and I kept putting it off till it was a root canal and then put it for over a year! I”m lucky that I didn’t lose the tooth. Don’t make my mistake!!!! Please go!!! I will nag you now!! Lol! xoxo

  11. Foxy Wine Pocket says

    It’s amazing how we constantly put ourselves last. Thanks for the laughs and the reminder to not do that. I’m going to start my own sticker chart now. I need to find little stickers of wine bottles…
    Foxy Wine Pocket recently posted…The Nagging WifeMy Profile

  12. Joy says

    Funny, Kathy…but I do hope you find the time and energy to take care of yourself too. I know that’s easier said than done but if it takes a George Clooney sticker, then so be it! ;-))

  13. andrea brovetto says

    This was great Kathy Dr M will love it I hope you send it to him! Good luck you deserve to take care of yourself. Lots of Love!

  14. Melissa @ A Wide Line says

    Love the Mommy Rewards System! I’m going to try that. As a SAHM to a baby and a 3 YO, it’s not like a I can just add my dentist appointments to my Outlook calendar and assume that whoever always has the kids will have the kids(the way a work-outside-the-home parent can). No, instead I call in favors to friends, beg my MIL to babysit, ask my Hubs to work from home, or pay a babysitter. It’s easier to just not go to the dentist. This is a great reminder that I’m worth taking care of, too. Good luck with your tooth!
    Melissa @ A Wide Line recently posted…Man UpMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Melissa I think that is the hardest part of taking care of myself too. There always seems to be something or someone else to take care of and so it often happens that it takes a crisis for me to take care of myself. But today after a horrible double root canal I realized that I have to put myself much higher on my list. Congratulations on your new baby! 🙂

  15. Parri Sontag (Her Royal Thighness) says

    Please remember that the most important thing you can do for your husband and kids is to take care of yourself, so they have you for a really, really long time. I grew up without a mom, so I kind of have the opposite problem. Every time I feel a lump or something really out of the ordinary, I monitor it and judge whether or not it’s time to go to the doctor. Growing up with a mom was really hard, especially for all the milestone moments, from getting my period to picking out a wedding dress. If you think about they WHY, trust me, it will be a lot easier to remember to take care of yourself. Plus, you deserve to feel good, so you can enjoy your life with your family!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Thank you so much Parri! I really appreciate you sharing your story so I can get on the straight and narrow and start taking care of myself. I would never want my kids to be without me. Thanks again! Much love! xox

  16. Sandy Ramsey says

    This is so me! I make sure everyone else is taken care of but rarely myself. I just took a good talking to from my gynecologist for skipping last year :(. I should take your advice and start doing some of these things myself. Is it okay to ground yourself from cooking dinner for a week if you don’t schedule your mammogram?
    Sandy Ramsey recently posted…Hitting Bottom: Down The Rabbit HoleMy Profile

Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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