There comes a time in every mom’s life when they have to admit defeat, throw in the towel, wave the white flag of surrender, and face the hard truth that they just aren’t the center of the universe for their children anymore.
I always knew this day would come. But I was hoping that I had a few more years, say when my kids were in their seventies and not when they were 15, 12, and 8.
Today I was fired, or at least temporarily demoted from “Entertainer in Chief.”
Apparently I’m no longer a fun mom.
Me. The woman who made kites out of construction paper, straws, and old Christmas ribbons. We would fly our very un-Pinterest-quality but airworthy creations and laugh. My praises would be sung to aunts and grandparents.
Me the mom who would read every Dr. Suess book known to motherhood and never mess up a wocket and gave every Wickersham aunt, uncle, and cousin their own distinct voice in Horton Hears a Who.
Me. The mom who marched around our living room with pots, pans, and wooden spoons.
Did I balk when I was asked to fashion costumes out of sheets and old hats?
Did I say no when I was asked to make snowman cookies or sail boats in the bathtub?
No I did not.
And, what about all the choruses of, I Know an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly, where I would not only sing, but actually pretend to swallow everything from the fly, and spider to the cow and the horse. I gave thousands of performances in traffic jams and various doctors’ offices to rival any Oscar winner.
What do I get for all my hard work, blood, sweat, and tears?
A farewell dinner with a dozen roses? A gold watch?
No. Just three children who would rather do anything, and I mean anything, than be in a car with their father and me and go on a family outing.
Today was the third weekend in a row where Joe and I insisted that we go out as a family and do something as a complete family unit.
We had grown accustomed to threatening to cut off our teenager’s iPhone in order for him to join us for some family fun, but we were not prepared for him to beg to do his homework and studying instead of spending time with us.
Now Lizzy and Peter have gotten into the act.
The last two times that we took our family walk on the beach, all three of our kids couldn’t run fast enough to escape us.
Even LIzzy, who because of her special needs has always been very deeply attached to me, made several onlookers smile and laugh last week when she couldn’t wait to break free of Joe as he struggled to tie her shoes.
“Wait for me boys,” she screamed as she ran past me to catch up with her brothers.
Today my baby turned on me with his pleas of, “can’t I play with a friend instead, or at least can we visit grandma and grandpa?”
Joe and I sat in the front of our minivan laughing at the belly-aching in the back seat.
Our kids are growing up and away from us.
I know that’s supposed to happen. And at times, what I may even wish for when I’m knee deep in, “Mommy I need…” and “Mommy can you…?”
But I must admit, that I’m a little wistful for the days of singing nursery rhymes, and having kids beg me to carry them or swing them between Joe and me.
It never ceases to amaze me how much push and pull there is in being a mom. One minute wanting my kids to do more on their own and the next longing for them to crawl back in my arms.
Today was one of the days I wished they would stay little a bit longer. I’m sure tomorrow I will be singing a different tune.
With kids that are now 27, 25 & a week away from 11, we had what we called Forced Family Fun. Even boyfriends weren’t allowed, much to our daughters’ dismay. But now when my kids see together, including my two married daughters, they must physically be in constant contact with one another. That makes my heart happy. Teaching our kids to love and value one another, to be a family even in your absence, that’s the payoff. IMHO
I totally agree Kim! Thanks so much for coming by! xo
What a fabulous post Kathy! To me it says you’ve done a great job. The most important thing we can do, is make our kids strong and independent. It’s all a good sign even though it hurts a bit.
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Thanks Nancy! I will try to remember that it’s all good! xoxo
perfection. loved this essay of the tug of war with letting them grow and wanting them to stay babies. i totally related. you’re still fun. they’re just going thru a phase. 🙂
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Thanks so much Alisa! And thanks for saying I’m still fun! 🙂
Kathy, I so understand. At 16, Melissa routinely chooses homework or friends over us. I am starting to get used to it…I think it’s a way to prepare me for when she goes off to college. SOB!
Kathy, we watched Frozen as a family Saturday night after dinner as per the girls’ request. Then, Sunday night Emma insisted we watch another movie as a family, because she had so much fun Saturday night. We settled on Planes that we DVR’d for them. As much as I had other things I had to get to, Kevin reminded me that this too won’t last forever and his words hung in the air and got me choked up for a bit. So, I happily snuggled then for the second night in a row watching movies with Kevin and the girls. So, you are right my time is going to come, too. But also loved as warm and snuggly as last night was, I am sure the girls will wake up this morning and be whining or melting down over something before too long and then I will be longing for my own quiet time, too 🙂
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Janine it is frightening how fast it all goes. I think you are so right, you just have to remind yourself to enjoy the time when they want you because before you know it they start not wanting you. Until they do!! Lol! xoxo
Lisa, the teen years are really the crest of the, I’m too cool for you years. We are really finding that with Tom too. You make a good point, I guess they do start to leave us before they leave us and in the same way it gives us a chance to get use to it. Sob some more!! xox
It is such a push and pull, isn’t it? I have three-year-old twins and a one-year-old, so I’m smack dab in the middle of singing The Farmer in the Dell and making stuff out of construction paper, but the twins are already becoming more independent every day. I loved reading about how it feels when you start to come out the other side of the childhood neediness. Lovely post!
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Thank you so much Kate. It goes so fast, as I”m sure you already have found out. And it is a push and pull, all the time!! 🙂
Kathy It is a great Post and so true! Dad and I were happy and sad when you three didn’t want to go to the farm or visit friends! It part of growing up that we as parents aren’t happy with I love you!
Thanks mom! I do remember feeling the push and pull of being a kid too, wanting my parents and not wanting my parents. It does go way too fast! xo
Yes – I feel this so much now that I have a middle schooler and a 4th grader. I still welcome the will you sleep with me pleas and bathroom visits anymore from her because I know they will be over soon enough.
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I have to remind myself to cherish every moment because it really does go by way too fast!! Thanks so much for stopping by Amy!! xo
Oh I feel your pain! My youngest is 8 and SHE is now the one reading to me at her bedtime and she sings her own lullaby first (but allows me to sing it second – although I don’t know how much longer that will last!). Am I really never going to read Dr. Seuss and Beverly Cleary out loud again? Until grandchildren? Waaah!
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Patty I didn’t know our youngest kids were the same age. It’s so hard isn’t it?!! It really does go way too fast, I have to remind myself of this the next time they are driving me batty! Lol!
I love the visual of Lizzy running to catch up to her brothers. Sounds like you have done an amazing job as a mom, and continue to. And seriously – different voices for each one in Horton? I say a silver bracelet at the very least!
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I love you Alyson!! As for the different voices, I have to use all those acting lessons somewhere!! Lol! xo
love this post! cherish every crazy minute. They grow up so fast my baby is going to be 34 in May! xox
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Thank you Katherine! I can’t believe how fast the time is going, it’s so scary! Thanks for the reminder sweet friend! xo
I feel your pain, Kathy, and remember some of what you are going through very well!
It’s so difficult letting go when you still feel as if you have so much more you want/need to do with your kids. When they are ready to fly – WHOA! It’s not always easy.
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Thanks Cathy! I’m finding it’s such a dance really, the push, then pull, and it happens over and over again. I guess this is all to get us ready for the time they really leave the nest! Yikes! Lol!
Oh, GIRL!!! I TOTALLY FEEL YOU!!! Bobby is 14 and Lucy is 10 and it is INTENSE! We went to Disney last week with another family. They have a son who is one of Bobby’s best friends and a daughter exactly Lucy’s age. They literally couldn’t get away from us fast enough. Lucy, who used to hold my hand freely only a few months ago, begged for me to “just hold the hood of her jacket” instead of holding her hand even in the biggest crowd. Having to threaten “I will confiscate all iPads/pods” for the family outing…been there!! ugh. I know the point is to raise functioning, independent people at the end of the day…but do they have to be SO independent right now? *sigh* I remember when I couldn’t keep Bobby out of my lap. Now if I try to hug him in public he shrivels like a vampire exposed to daylight. Blergh. –Lisa
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Lisa, I know!! It’s so strange!!! I love how Lucy would only let you hold her hood, the other day Peter told me to wait by the door when he got his bus (I usually walk him right up to it!). It really goes way too fast. Sending love. xoxo
It’s a push and pull, for sure. But I have to say that much as I miss having my kids at home (they’re 20 and 32), I think I could get used to this “just me and my husband” gig.
And remember, you won’t always be the centre of their lives, but you’ll always, always be right there at the core of their hearts.
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Thanks Karen, that is so good to know. I think what surprises me is how one minute I can’t wait for them to leave and then when they do I miss them so much!!! It’s good to know that not only will we survive, but we will thrive!! 🙂
Trust me, they come back. In spades…
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That is good to know Diane! Thanks!
Somewhere this week, I read twice about how kids in their twenties start to think we’re great company. It’s true…they have to wander first, that’s all.
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Susan that is great to hear! I hope I don’t have to wait that long though!! Lol! 🙂