Well it’s Sunday morning, and I’m sitting at my desk, typing away, hoping that something brilliant will magically appear on my computer screen.
So far, nothing brilliant has appeared.
Still I sit and type because it’s Sunday, and I have a deadline.
I’ve tried to come up with an idea, but nothing will come.
Should I write about the snow?
No. It’s been done.
What about… Nothing.
I will myself to keep going. I must make my deadline. Legions of my fans will be crushed if they go to their computers tomorrow and don’t see a new post from me and my dishwasher.
OK. Maybe not legions of fans. Perhaps only one or two will notice if I don’t post something new.
My mother would notice, but she doesn’t always read my blog.
Truth be told the only one who would probably know I didn’t meet my deadline and publish something this week is me.
And for the first time in my life, that is the only person who matters.
When I started my blog three years ago, I made a promise to myself that come hell, high water, or stomach viruses, I would write one essay each week.
It didn’t have to be the best thing I ever wrote. It could even be a piece from the past that I “re-visited,” but it had to be something.
I did this because I have a habit of letting myself get sidelined.
After all I”m a mom. I tend to put the needs of others before mine. That’s my job. The job I happily signed on to 15 years ago. A job I love.
A job that is starting to change.
My kids are getting older. Tom, the baby that started my adventure into motherhood is 15. Our daughter is 12, and even the baby of the family isn’t really a baby anymore. He’s six weeks shy of his ninth birthday.
Though It may feel as if I will never have a morning when I”m not fielding questions of what are we having for dinner–when it’s only 5:00 am–or reminding someone not to kill their brother while I’m still half asleep, I know soon enough, my house will be quiet again.
So I write.
I write to remember a time before I had children. There was a time when the biggest decision my husband and I had to make was was where we should go to dinner that night.
I write to remember the days, weeks, months, and years I was desperate to see a beating heartbeat on a sonogram.
Or the day I was three months pregnant with my first baby, and could find nothing to wear to work. I grabbed a maternity jumper a friend gave me and swore she wore from the minute the stick turned pink till she delivered her daughter.
My boss took one look at me and with as much kindness as he could muster, asked what the heck I was wearing. I replied with as much confidence as I could muster, “My husband said I looked good.” To which he answered, “Did he really look at you?” I cracked up and went out to buy maternity clothes the next day.
I write to remember what it was like to be a new mother and have no idea what I was doing with the sweetest baby ever to live.
How I would go into the nursery to change Tom’s diaper while Good Morning America was still on and it would take me till the next program was almost over till he was finally dressed.
The days when I would look at him and wonder what the heck he and God were thinking picking me as his mother.
I write to share some of the experiences we have had raising a daughter with significant special needs. Sometimes sharing the harder days of watching our beautiful daughter struggle with a disorder that has no name.
Sometimes sharing the funnier days, like the day Lizzy decided to tell me to go jump in a lake during Christmas dinner at my in-laws. Everyone laughed and told us how happy they were that she was doing so well.
I write to reclaim a piece of myself. Perhaps to find a new career path when my job as full time caregiver is over and I become more of a consultant to my growing kids.
I write to remember that I am more than a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend.
I write each Sunday hoping that when I hit publish this will be the piece that goes viral and will bring many people to my humble little blog.
I write each Sunday hoping that when I hit publish I will entertain or touch at least one person.
And I write and hit publish each Sunday because I made a promise to myself that I would.
I write today to tell you I think you’re pretty wonderful. You have a gift of telling us, in your own casual and lovely way, that your life may have changed and may be its own unique difficulties, but you have many blessings.
I am glad to be your new online friend and share the gift of reading what you write. I may not have enough time to always read every post, but when I do, I am never disappointed.
Cathy Chester recently posted…Wordless Wednesday: Cats Get The “Crazies”
Cathy thank you so much for your lovely words!! Your support means so much to me. One of the best gifts of keeping my promise to myself is that I have gotten to meet and become friends with so many extremely talented and just downright amazing women! Thank you for the gift of your friendship! And thank you for reading!! xo
a promise to ourselves means something. and see? you didn’t have anything to write, but you found something and it was lovely.
Ice Scream Mama recently posted…The boy who cried boo boo
Thank you so much!!! I’m very proud of the fact that I have kept, and continue to keep my promise to myself and I”m so glad the by dong that I have met amazing women and writers like you! xo
Kathy,I believe that I have been reading your blog for all three years. Let me say how much you matter to me. We have laughed and cried through the trials of being a mom. And let me say the friendship I have with you and many other mommy bloggers is EXACTLY what I was thinking of when I named my blog Real Army of Moms. YOU are one of my comrades in the foxholes of parent hood. Please keep writing and sharing. We need you!
Real Army of Moms recently posted…A Broken Kind of Beautiful- Book review
Thank you so much for your lovely words!!! Thank you for reading me these three years, it means the world to me. I’m very glad to be in the foxholes with you too! xo
It’s the best thing we can do for ourselves – make ourselves a promise, and keep it and write – for ourselves. It’s important to do it for ourselves and then when a community springs from it, it’s a wonderful plus!
Linda Roy – elleroy was here recently posted…There Is Nothing More Epic Than Olympic Disappointment
Linda you are so right!! And the community that you gain by doing it is an amazing plus!! Thank you so much for being a wonderful online friend!! xo
I started my blog in July of last year with the intention of promoting an Etsy shop I started with my daughter. I had absolutely no idea what blogging really was and now…it’s about me. I write because it’s really what I’ve always wanted to do and whatever got me here, I’m grateful for it. The writing, the community, the challenge…it’s the best thing I have ever done for my self. I do so much for everyone else, this is just for me. The short comment: I get it!
Sandy Ramsey recently posted…Life Lessons by Dr Seuss: Ten Things of Thankful
Sandy I just love what you wrote. You are so right and I’m so glad you started blogging and that I’m getting to know you through your writing. Thank so much! 🙂
I love the reasons that you write and quite simply that you do at all, because of this we have gotten to each other better and like I have told you before consider you a wonderful friend. I, too, have had my moments as to feelingas though what can I say next and just when I think I may not have much more I can share the floodgates open from some place deep inside and I am back at it, too. Love you Kathy and please do keep writing 🙂
Janine Huldie recently posted…Groundhog’s Day Over And Over – Snowmageddon Redux
Thank you so much Janine!! You are so right, just when you think you have nothing else to say, you do find something else. I think that’s why the deadline helps me. Plus, the friendships I have made, have been just amazing. Janine, I’m so excited that we can actually meet up since we live close by!! Love you! xo
I love your Sunday posts, and although I often don’t read them till midweek when I come up for air – I know that they are there. You are like that good friend, you can pick up wherever you left off from…be it a day, a month, a year. Yes, I love that you write for you, but it means so much to me too.
The Shitastrophy recently posted…Even My First Kiss Was Embarrassing!
Thanks so much!! I really appreciate your friendship and support!! xoxox
Hi Kathy – if you didn’t post on Sunday….I would notice!
With much love,
Lisa
Lisa, thank you so much! I really appreciate all the support you give me! xo
Kathy Radigan recently posted…I Write Therefore I am
Kathy, I love this post – and all your other ones, too. If your only hope is that your writing touches one person, well, let me assure you that you have reached your goal. xo
Lois Alter Mark recently posted…best of scottsdale, day 4: music, massage, mexican food and, uh, michael
Lois thank you so much! I’m a huge fan of your work, your sweet words have really made my day!
As one of the legions, I would notice. I look forward to seeing The Dishwasher pop up in my feed on Mondays and once again I was not disappointed. You are a gifted writer. And an amazing person. The blogosphere is lucky to have you in it. :)-Ashley
thedoseofreality recently posted…Would You Rather: Sochi Problems Edition
I love you!! Thank you so much! xox I hope you know I feel the same way about you and Lisa! xo
kathy, That was a beautiful post!
i am glad
i read it!
love you lots!
mom
Mom you are here!!! Thanks for reading!! xo
Kathy, I am glad you made that promise to yourself because I really enjoy reading your posts. It is to your credit that you have set a goal of weekly publishing, no matter what is going on in your life. Hats off to you!
Helene thank you so much! You made my day!
Thank you for writing this past Sunday – you did touch someone this week. You made me remember all those things and more about my son, who is now 23. Yes, I’m now his consultant, but I’m also always his Mom (even when he tries to call me by my first name!).
Thank you! It does go way too fast, and it’s so funny that you mentioned the first name thing because my son made a joke about the fact that when he is in his 20’s could he call me by my first name and I said, no, no, no!! I worked to hard for the title!! 23, ouch, they grow up way too fast!! 🙂
This is the kind of writing I love to read. Good for you for making that a “requirement” for yourself. A promise you intend to still keep. I write when I want to write, and I like when I sit down and it flows. Sometimes it’s like you said, Nothing. It made me smile and sigh to see that. But I could so relate. Truthfully. Love the flow, though. It’s real and helps me get to know you. 😀
Andrea B (@goodgirlgonered) recently posted…Dance with me!
Thanks so much Andrea. Even though they always seem to come from a place of frustration, I do love these type of posts when they are done. I love the you write when you want to, I think that is great! And I hate when I’m actually writing but I still have nothing!! Lol!
Your reasons for writing are all so worthwhile! I know how you feel – there are days and weeks when I have nothing to say – but we keep writing because, well, what else would we do, right?
Sharon Greenthal recently posted…Attention Deficit Disorder is More Than Sugar Overload
Thank you so much Sharon! I came to writing later in life, but I so love it. Add in the connections and friendshps I have mae through blogging and I’m really hooked!!
You sound so much like me.. I write because I need something that is MINE just for me for no one else.. although this past few weeks have been hectic as all get out..
Southern Angel recently posted…When the past wanders in for a spell
It’s really is true, my blog is the one thing that is mine!! So nice to find other’s who feel the same way, thank you!
Kathy, this is such a great post touching all of us who struggle to write a post and to come up with topic ideas! Well done!
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!
I know exactly what you mean. Some days it feels hard to come up with something to write, but I know I could never give it up because I have before and writing makes me happier, better, and more satisfied. Whether it’s a blog post, a comment on someone else’s blog, or an entire novel…it all has to come out onto the keyboard and screen! (brilliant or not!)
WriterMom Angela recently posted…Twenty Things You Should Stop Saying to the Parents of ADHD Children
Thank you! I totally agree! 🙂
I hear you loud and clear. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Staring at a blank screen is the worst. You transformed what could have been bland noise into a colorful, honest post. I’m so excited that we connected through Twitter. And I love hearing you say exactly what I think. Life is good, but it sure gets different as our kids get older. It’s wonderful and weird and fun and complex and odd and blah and scary and blissful at the same time. And any physical exhaustion from their toddler years is replaced by emotional exhaustion. Peace, my new friend. XO
@JackieHennesse1 recently posted…The Joys (and Peace) of Grocery Shopping (without your kids)
Thank you so much Jackie! You are so right, the tween and teen years are not as physically demanding (at least most days!) as the toddler years but boy is it emotionally exhausting. Thanks again! 🙂
This is why I don’t make promises to myself any more – I’d be living in a state of constant failure or fear of failure.
But I love that you’ve made this a priority and managed to stick to it. That’s awesome 🙂
Considerer recently posted…I’m getting greedy
I have to say I’m not the best at it either, but this one was really important to me!! 🙂
Nice! Half of the battle is just showing up, isn’t it?
lisa Froman recently posted…Sundays in the Church of Quiet
Lisa you are so right!!! I think that has been one of the biggest lessons I have learned from keeping my promise to myself. I have had opportunities I never thought I would have, and have met some of the most amazing people just by showing up and hitting publish each Sunday. Thanks so much for coming on by!!
I’m right there with you, Kathy. My kids are 16 & 18 and it feels like just yesterday that I was sitting on my bed with my daughter who was about 2 months old, with baby books strewn around me, all opened to chapters on how to stop your baby from crying. I hadn’t showered in days and was crying when a friend walked in, took one look at me and said, “Want me to watch her while you take a shower?” It’s tough taking care of kids, but then all of a sudden they grow up and the time has flown by. Such a lovely post, thank-you!
Claudia Schmidt recently posted…My Review Of ‘The Interestings’ by Meg Wolitzer
It does go so unbelievably fast, doesn’t it? The friends that can look at us and ask, want me to watch your baby when you take a shower, are really such a gift!!! Thanks so much for coming on by Claudia, I always love to see your comments. 🙂
Yes! This!
This is the first time I can remember being on your site; I saw this link on Pinterest and HAD to read it because, well, catchy title!
But I read the whole thing feeling like you were in my head. This is exactly why I write my blog. I started it because my son has a rare medical condition, but over time I realized the writing and connecting made me feel like me.
I make myself post something new every week day, no matter what. If I don’t do it daily, it’s too easy for me to look up and realize I’ve let far too much time pass and now have too much to say for one post. Also, on days that I don’t post? I feel a little lost.
My reason for starting a blog came from a bad thing (chronically sick child) but has turned into a wonderful gift for myself.
So thank you for sharing this – I’m glad I’m not alone! I look forward go reading more of your promises to yourself. 🙂
Carrie recently posted…Pork Trial Update
Carrie thanks so much for coming on by. It always amazes me, and makes me feel so much less alone, when I learn that there are other parents out there in medical limbo, ( or medical hell) with their children.
I have often thought that there are strange gifts that happen with some of the hardest things I have gone through, and like you, finding writing as been one of those for me too. Thanks again! 🙂
And this is why I love you so much Kathy. I love your honestly.
Thank you so much! Love you right back! xo
And I’m so glad you write. For all of the reasons you listed and, selfishly, so I can read your writing. Thank you for keeping your promise.
Foxy Wine Pocket recently posted…How to Remove a Dead Animal from Under Your Mother’s House
Thank you so much!!! You made my day!! 🙂
So proud of you that you have kept your promise to yourself! I struggle sometimes with the writing, but always with the clicking “publish.” Too many expectations and I really just have to let that go. No wonder so many writers drink!
Carpool Goddess recently posted…Books I Read Over The Holidays
Thanks so much! I proud of myself, I think for me it has just become a habit which for an OCD person is good!! Lol!
I love this so much, Kathy.
I love your commitment to you and your writing, but mostly I love that you’re what matters here. That? Is gold.
Galit Breen recently posted…This is THIRTY-EIGHT
Galit I have to say that keeping this one commitment to myself has been really life changing and so important to retain any sanity that I might have left after 48 years and 3 kids!! Lol! Thanks so much for always leaving such a lovely comments, they always make me feel great! 🙂
Kathy, I’m so happy you write. You touch something in me each and ever time I read something you have written. Thank you!!!
nancy@skinnykitchen recently posted…Super Healthy and Delicious, Chinese Chicken Vegetable Soup
Thanks so much Nancy! Love you!
I think we have ALL been here…i think I may be here right now LOL I love how you wrote your way through it….Great Post!
Tiffany recently posted…Here I Am… { A Reflection }
Tiffany I can’t stand that place, I hope you find inspiration quickly! Thanks so much!
Promises to ourselves are among the hardest to keep, aren’t they? So glad you are being true to yourself and not letting yourself down!
Tricia recently posted…Lovely little things, 7
Tricia I am actually horrible at keeping promised to myself so the fact that I have kept this one means an awful lot to me! Thanks fo much for dropping by!
Kathy,
Thanks for this and for getting me to remember why I write, also. Sometimes witha 4 1/2 year old it’s hard to find the time which is why I don’t exactly schedule my posts when I know I should. I hope we can meet this month. I’m so looking forward to seeing you IRL!
Estelle
Estelle recently posted…The Last Snowman: Children’s Book Review and Giveaway
I can only imagine how hard it is with a 4 and 1/2 year old!! I really hope we get to meet this month too. So happy that we live fairly close to each other!! xo
You know what for an empty mind it’s still a great post and it’s good to keep something, a promise, a blog, something to yourself for yourself. I just started blogging a few months ago but still hold myself accountable that once a week I’ll post one essay as well. So far so good. Glad you’ve been in this 3 years and still going!! Have a great one Kathy! -Iva
AwesomelyOZ recently posted…A New York City Quickie
Thanks! 🙂
I read this the other day and thought I commented but I must have gotten distracted (story of my life). I’m really trying this year is to actually comment more on blogs I read because I know comments are like the holy grail to bloggers! I need to set some kind of writing goal for myself so I can get back in the routine. I’m so impressed that you get your post out come hell or high water!
Angela McKeown @Momopolize recently posted…Why We Should Be Banned from Family Portraits
Thanks so much Angela, I do love comments!! You should know that I am very committed to posting, but not committed to cleaning! Lol! xo
Kathy Radigan recently posted…7 Tips to Achieve a Haggard and Exhausted Look
Sometimes the hardest part is sitting down and starting. Your words are beautiful and very inspiring.
Jacqueline recently posted…Could You Spell That For Me?
Jacqueline I totally agree, sitting down and actually doing it is the only way through it and the one thing I never want to do!! Thanks so much for stopping by! 🙂
Hi Kathy,
This is my first time to your site. Nice to meet you. I immediately went to this post as I’ve hit dry spots too and wonder if anyone reads or will notice. I love that you pressed on, admitting you had no idea where this post was going and came up with something so relatable.
I look forward to more of your posts and tweets!
Francie
Thanks Francie. The dry spots are the worst!! I look forward to getting to know you too! 🙂
I need to set some kind of writing goal for myself so I can get back in the routine. I’m so impressed that you get your post out come hell or high water! http://creativejasmin.com/different-types-maternity-clothes-buy.php
Maternity clothes recently posted…Wide Variety of Inner Lip Tattoos for Men and Women
Thanks! For me having a set schedule really helps.
My sister steered me to your blog. I started mine a month ago. I figured that if I was going to spend so much time online I might as well put in my 2 cents. You write from your heart and obviously that’s what’s gotten you your following. The internet has so much and sometimes so little to offer at the same time. If you write for yourself that’s all that counts. The people will show up sooner or later. Be well!
Your sister started supporting and reading me even before I officially started my blog!!! I adore her!! Wishing you lots of luck in your new endeavor, it’s a lot of fun!