Being a mother is the most rewarding job I’ve ever had. I adore it and the three children that employ me.
But let’s be honest, at times it’s a thankless job. Just wait til you have to start gifting money to your kids when they get older!
Cleaning vomit off of floors, changing diapers, and dealing with other messes that one never imagines when they’re pregnant and dreaming of little blue and pink bundles, is all in a day’s work.
As is answering the same question 4,000 times or dealing with a variety of moods and personalities, (sometimes with the same child). Not to mention hearing the same YouTube videos being played on a loop all day as you slowly lose your mind. Let’s not forget the fun that can ensue with feeding these amazing people. All while not completely losing our minds, patience, and cool on an hourly basis.
If you’re anything like me, you probably have found yourself uttering phrases that never in a million years could you imagine saying.
Friday, as I was reflecting on my morning of telling my daughter that she needs to, “Eat like a lady, not a lady gorilla,” and reminding my eight-year-old to “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me,” I felt as if there should be a place to honor the best lines from 2013.
I took my request to the kind souls who follow me on Facebook and asked them to pick their favorite among the two aforementioned phrases, as well as the one they overwhelmingly chose: “Yes, you are right you are not your brother’s slave, but you are mine. Open the door for him now.”
I had so much fun doing this that I thought, why stop at just me? I happen to have some very funny and talented blogging friends. Why not enlist them and celebrate the phrases that sum up a year of parenting?
Without further ado, I bring youThe Best Parenting Lines of 2013:
“Put your penis back in your pants,” is the simple yet effective line said this year by Jeanine Eubanks of Eubanks Eutopia
Kristi Campbell of Finding Ninee had to get a bit more specific with her request: “Put your pants on! I don’t want your penis on my neck!” when her son wanted a shoulder ride.
“You did a great job keeping your pants on almost all day!” and “Please don’t sit in the Tupperware with a bare bottom,” are the two gems that Katie Alexander of Bumblebee Days found coming out of her mouth.
“We don’t pour shampoo into the toilet,” was said by Stephanie Sprenger of Mommy for Real. She’s also responsible for the pointed instruction, “We don’t put our bare hiney on the trampoline.”
Lisa Witherspoon of The Golden Spoons must be honored for waving a copy of Webster’s while she passionately told her darlings, “Here’s a dictionary. Look up the word ‘clean’ because you obviously don’t understand what it means!”
“I don’t really think there’s enough room to fight evil in the kitchen, dear!” was what Lizzi Rogers of Considerings found herself saying to her sweet nephew this year.
Jeannette Bellesfield of Mommy Needs a Martini said to her daughter, “Please don’t lick the dog. He had a bath already.”
While Rachel Demas of the The Tao of Poop so eloquently told her daughter, “Baby Jesus is not for eating.”
Stephanie Jankowski of When Crazy Meets Exhaustion summed up what I think a lot of us feel like at mealtime with her clever, “This isn’t ‘Let’s Make a Deal’; this is Let’s Eat a Meal.’”
Norine Dworkin McDaniel of The Science of Parenthood deserves a mention for her employment of the classic, “I am not your servant, please get ____ (whatever it was that her precious seven-year-old was requesting) yourself.”
Joy of Evil Joy Speaks got the pleasure of asking the loves of her life, “Who changed my phone to say ‘Evil Joy, Supreme Ruler of the Universe?’” Then adding, “Whoever did it gets a million dollars.”
And last but certainly not least, we have Lisa Packer of Notes from the Shallow End who found herself saying,“Young man, you take that penguin out of your pants RIGHT NOW!” after her six-year-old son stole his sister’s stuffed penguin and “hid” it down his pants.
Congratulations and a huge thank you to all of this year’s honorees! You ladies remind me that motherhood is made a bit easier, and certainly more fun, when we can share the good, the bad, and the messy with each other.
Here’s to the great lines we will say in 2014! Happy New Year!
Do you have a memorable parenting line that you used in 2013? Please share it with us!
