My dishwasher's possessed

one mom's attempt to find humor in the chaos

Searching for a Super Power Upgrade

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seareching for a super power upgrade

As I was cutting up some apples to make a fruit salad for my three kids, I found myself getting very frustrated with the little angels. I was smiling my best mommy smile as I counted the fruit and went over the colors… red apples… blue berries… oranges…. doing my best to educate as I entertained. But, my kids would have none of it.

Apparently, I was just not going fast enough. Peter, our six-year-old, kept announcing the fruits that remained in pure desperation. Seeing with his own eyes that I was cutting the apples with the knife was not enough to convince him that I was in fact serious about making this salad.

I was about to scream “I am only a human being” when it hit me like a ton of bricks. My super powers are almost gone! The warranty must have expired and I was none the wiser.

The card must have gotten lost among all the other papers, bills, and catalogs that come by the truckload to this house everyday.

Fear not. I will just purchase a new set of super powers.

But, this time I’m spending the big bucks and going for an upgrade. Mere eyes in the back of my head will not do anymore. My kids are getting older. My oldest will become a teenager in less than six months. I can’t be fooling around with discount super powers.

The following is a list of powers I will be adding to my few remaining powers of kissing cuts and banishing monsters under the bed.

IN-VISA-MOM – I’m adding the invisibility option. True, up to this point my almost dog-like hearing powers have been enough to thwart a siege of 11-year-olds at a sleepover from raiding the fridge at 2:00 in the morning. Or, hear a hand of my nine-year-old daughter before it hits her younger brother in a toy theft.

But, who am I kidding? We are moving into the teen years. I need the power to not be seen as I say goodbye to my 12 year-old son. Plus it sure could come in handy at the middle school canteens, where the mere thought of having me chaperone is enough to make him faint.

MOMMY-GO-FASTER — As I said, my current speed option is shot. Once I could cut the fruit and just use my sparkling personality to amuse the children. No more. I need the super speed option with the ability to cut fruit into perfectly proportioned pieces carefully leaving no skin on the apples.

Truthfully, I really need to be able to just blink and produce the fruit salad. Unfortunately, I have been told that option won’t be ready for a few more years.

I was looking into the thaw-the-ice-cream-with-my-touch option, but that was just going to put me way over budget. The kids are just going to have to settle for the microwave.

LIFT-A-KID-ABILITY, otherwise known as the SUPER-STRENGTH OPTION — This is a must. My six-year-old is getting bigger, but I’m not quite ready to give up carrying him up the stairs when he falls asleep in the playroom. It’s bad enough I have to wake his sister and brother as I usher them up the stairs. The idea of not being able to hold at least one of my kids in my arms is just too much for me.

MEGA-MOM-MIND — I have been in need of the mommy memory upgrade for some time. I thought I was covering up the fact that I couldn’t always remember my children’s names by using a variety of pet names, but Peter is now insisting that I use his real name. The jig is up, I need the advanced version of Super Mom Memory and I need it fast.

Fortunately for me an extra dose of patience is already included in the deluxe package. Mine is a bit frayed, but I hear this new version can withstand the teen years. I’m a little doubtful, but I’m in this mothering game for the long haul, and I’ll take whatever help I can get.

I’m very disappointed to hear that they have not come up with a super power to freeze time.

My kids are growing so fast. I have only my memories and a few hundred photos to remind me of the feel and scent of each child as a newborn sleeping in my arms. Or, the look of pure joy that Tom and Lizzy had when they met their new brother Peter, for the first time. Or, the look of fear mixed with pride each time a new school year rolls around and I make all three of them take a “First day of School” picture.

Of all the Super Powers I could think of, this is the one I would pay a king’s ransom for.

Just in case my Super Powers should be on back-order, I will just have to rely on what I was given the day I had each one of my babies… An amazing amount of love for each child and the knowledge that no matter how bad a day I might be having as a mom, the absolute best day before I had my children doesn’t even come close.

Comments

  1. Amy says

    Hi Kathy, I got your comment on my blog about some creative help! Please contact me through my blog and let me know what you have in mind 🙂

    Thanks!!
    xoxo, Amy from heyimamy.blogspot.com

  4. Grumpy Grateful Mom says

    Great list! I would like to order the Mommy-go-faster and the time freezer. Also I think I would like to add a mommy-rewind, for those days when my frazzled self doesn’t handle a situation quite as sweetly as I could have. OK, I might get addicted to that tool, but I’d still take it.

    Thanks for always making me laugh. I look forward to your Sunday posts every week!

  5. Alicia S. says

    The bit about needing to carry at least one child up the stairs when they fall asleep in the playroom seriously put a lump in my throat. 🙁 🙂

  6. Liz says

    Too cute! I have a similar blog about the super powers I have acquired, but I wish I had acquired some of your too!!

  7. sandbox gems says

    I take a first day of school picture every year too and the “freeze time” super power would be tops on my list. Every year goes by faster.

  9. Megan says

    I would like the mega-mom-mind as well! And as much as I’d like to be able to freeze time, I’m afraid I would freeze it and never un-freeze it for fear of my girls growing up too quickly.

    I really enjoyed reading this post. 🙂

  10. Sadie says

    Great post. One think that I think most people don’t realize until they have kids is that parenting often becomes more challenging as our kids get older. When they are little they have lots of demands that need to be met, but we are able to diaper, feed, bathe, and repeat in auto pilot. As they get older we need to use or brains more….less auto pilot…and much more demanding!

  11. Kathy says

    Thank you all so much for your great comments!!! Grumpy, grateful, I love the idea of a rewind button too!!! Megan, I agree, as much as I love the idea of being able to freeze time I too fear I would never want it to stop!!! Sadie, one thing I realized when I was writing this post is how true your words are, it is easier in a way when they are smaller because there needs are straight foward, I’m hungry, T’m wet, I’m tired. It does get harder as they get older!!!

    Thank you all again, I love to read everyones imput!! Mothering is a tough, but rewarding job!! The hardest part for me is that if you do the job well you are rewared with unemployment!!! Much love to you all!!

  13. Mitzi says

    I totally LOVED this post! What mom doesn’t want such super powers…I wish I could have had them when mine were little, sure would have made life easier. But you are correct! “no matter how bad a day I might be having as a mom, the absolute best day before I had my children doesn’t even come close” Moments to be treasured for certain! ~Hugs, M

  14. Mel~ @ Lifestwistedstitches.com says

    OMy Goodness! I’m absolutely rolling with laughter. I’m so glad you are out there my dear. This is just what I needed to read right now. BTW, can you send me the info for the company you are ordering from? The one I bought mine from had a no return, no exchange policy and I SERIOUSLY needed an upgrade about a decade ago. 🙂 I just haven’t yet found the right super suit to fit the changing me, besides the cost is so high I only get one shot!
    Love ya!

  15. Beck Gambill says

    Warm, delightful, funny, true! Maybe you could order in bulk and we could get a group discount. I could use a few of those super powers myself!

  16. Laura says

    Oh, Kathy, you had me in tears just thinking about it! My oldest is 3, and already I can’t believe he’s not my little baby. No longer does he find me as funny as he once did. No longer is he willing to snuggle like he once did. He’s busy. Lots of things on his agenda, lots of toys just waiting to be played with. This is a great post!

  21. Joy Page Manuel says

    I can relate to this Kathy, great post! I wish I had super strength too esp. now that I’ve developed a shoulder problem. My left rotator cuff is bad so carrying my son is getting closer and closer to impossible and that thought makes me really sad. As to the invisibility, you may want to check this out—- http://www.npr.org/blogs/13.7/2011/07/20/138506746/hidden-in-plain-view-the-physics-of-cloaking-time-space-and-experience

    ….just in case, hehehehe….

  24. Faith Confessions says

    You make me giggle. You make me smile. You bring tears to my eyes. You make me want to be a better mom. You inspire me. You make me want to have more children. You make me want fruit salad LOL. You make me take a moment and appreciate what I have. You teach me that I must be present every second of Braeden’s life because he will grow so fast. I am currently saving up for my superpower upgrade because I am thinking if he is anything like me I will have to upgrade well before he reaches the teen years. Life is better with him and I hope to continue the journey with you as your children grow and I have more, my friend.

  25. hotairballoonmom.com says

    Sweet baby smell… 3am when it’s so quiet and peaceful with just you and baby? The sheer memory itself is a Super Power. You, dear, have many powers and I appreciate you for helping me remember ~

  26. GJT says

    Love this idea! Since my kids are still young, I’d like the super power to keep a door shut while I’m in the bathroom.
    Gina from vB

  27. Laura says

    I definitely need the mega mom memory because my memory is sooo bad. Sometimes I accidentally call my 15-year-old daughter “Harmony”, who is my dog. She’s usually not too happy about that, but I don’t mean anything by it, because she is as cute as a button, it’s just my memory is that bad.

    Stoping by from VoiceBoks!
    http://ziggysblogs.blogspot.com

Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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