The best parenting lesson I ever got came from my dad, long before I became a wife to one and a mom to three. In fact I was only five.
Back then one of my favorite things to do was to go to Eisenhower Park with my family. No visit was complete until we visited the pigs at the park’s small petting zoo.
Whenever my two younger sisters or I dared to get a little out of line, my parents would warn us that if we didn’t behave, they would send us to live with the pigs.
This threat was made in a light enough way that we were pretty sure they weren’t serious, but just in case they were, we better do as they said.
I don’t remember the circumstances behind the fateful day I decided to buck the system, but I do remember feeling it was time to show my dad just how smart I was when he issued me his familiar warning.
“OK daddy. Send me to live with the pigs”
My dad was taken aback with my newfound courage. Clearly this was a response he never expected. But once he made the threat, he had to follow through.
He made a big show of getting ready to take me to my new home. He got his coat… and his hat… and his keys. He has since told me that he truly hoped his performance would be enough to make me realize that the inmates were not running the asylum.
I was not impressed. And I wasn’t giving in. Quite the contrary, I was having a ball calling his bluff.
I confidently said goodbye to my sisters and mother as my dad took me outside to the car. I kept waving and laughing playing the game I knew I was going to win.
My mother was holding and comforting my crying sisters by the door. They thought they were saying goodbye to me forever.
I was not deterred by their show of emotions. In fact I was still waving goodbye and feeling pretty darn good about myself as I got in the front seat (this was 1970, no car seats!). My dad looked over at me and started the car.
I had him in the palm of my hands. The keys to the kingdom were mine.
Then he pulled out of the driveway… and on to the street.
To this day I remain 99.9% confident he wasn’t going to actually make me live with the pigs. But I also knew that someone was going to have to end the charade. And that someone would have to be me.
My father stood his ground that day and without yelling or laying one hand on me let me know who was in charge. And it clearly wasn’t me.
From that moment on I knew my father meant business. It’s not that I never tried to test the limits again. But I never attempted to take it that far. I knew when that man said no, he really meant no.
I think of this lesson often and with much gratitude. Especially whenever I’m tempted to ground one of my darlings until their 30th birthday. Of course I make mistakes on a daily basis. Especially on days when I’m exhausted or just tired of being the grown-up.
But the day I almost went to live with the pigs has stopped me from issuing a lot of empty threats. I know my words have to have consequences. It might be 45 years too late, but thanks dad.
Kathy, I just knew as a kid my dad meant business when he just loooked at me a certain way. He barely ever had to raise his voice or even a hand to me, but I just knew, as well. You totally took me back and reminded me of this with your post tonight. Definitely sounded like we were raised quite similar and another her reason why we probably get along so well 😉
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Thank you sweet friend! xoxoxo
This is such a wonderful memory of your father! Isn’t it interesting how things that happen in our childhood make such an impact in our adult life! I’m glad you didn’t grow up with the pigs!!
Thank you. It’s funny I have never forgotten this story, I can still see my sister Wendy crying by the door thinking that I was never coming back. I also remember being so confident that he was not going to take me but I also knew I was the only one that was going to end it!! xo
Oh the horrors of being a parent! What a funny story. As a parent I say, “oh no”, but the 5 year old in me wants to give you a fist bump! Haha! Good thing she knows I’m in charge!
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I really can’t believe my dad and I have survived because I totally gave him a run for his money!! xo
Parenting is hard, yo..
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It is, isn’t it? xo
Great story! I try sooooo hard not to make empty threats. When kids call your bluff it gives you zero credibility. Sometimes I’ll say some consequence and then realize how ridiculous I sound so I try to turn it into a joke.
Britta I have had those times too. I will say though, that since I have a pretty good record of following through I don’t have to do it too often. That is the gift my dad gave me!! xo
In our household we had the empty threat that wasn’t really an empty threat – “I’m going to kick you into the middle of next week.” It wasn’t about hitting the kid. She knew that and caught on pretty quickly that the actual act was impossible. But she did know that I was starting to get mad and if she didn’t cut whatever out, there were going to be consequences. It’s one of my few momisms she didn’t push, either. And she was good at pushing. Thanks for the memory and the fun story.
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Someone always has to blink. If you’re the parent and you’re the one who blinks…well…
Your father was a smart man.
I like this post so much my sweet friend. I would have loved to have empty threats from my Dad. His threats were always fulfilled,” get the leather strap”. If only we all had a Dad who loved so much that he wanted to make you live with the pigs. Your confidence and asserted independence surely made an impression on your Dad. I am 99.9 % sure he would not have delivered you to the muddy pig pen. Thank you for sharing xox
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