How do you know if you are doing a good job as a mom? What is a “good mother”? These are questions that not only can cause me to lose at least a few nights of sleep each month, they’re also the fodder of a host of magazines, websites and blogs that are targeted to those of us who answer to the name, mom.
Is it better to stay home with your children or work outside the home? Or is a combination of the two the best for baby and mother? What if you don’t have a choice — are you and your kid doomed? Breast or bottle? Cloth diapers or disposable? Homegrown, homemade baby food or straight out of the jar? Helicopter parenting or “Free Range”? What about TV, computers and social media? Aye or nay?
And what is the ideal result of all of this debate and hard work? Is it a kid who is an honor student with their pick of top colleges to choose from? What if your kid isn’t a superstar? Did you do something wrong? How can we really measure success when it comes to our kids?
After 16 years at the mom game, I’ve come to realize that I’m probably never going to get my gold star in parenting, nor should I be looking for one. It’s not that type of a gig. But I do have times when I witness one of my kids doing something that is so extraordinary that I know in my heart I must have done something right.
Last week my first child, Tom, who is in the 10th grade, had to take his Regents Exams. In our home state of New York, a student needs to pass these tests in order to get a high school diploma. Since Tom is dyslexic most of his school career has been spent proving that he would someday be able to accomplish this feat.
Throughout the years there were some amazing teachers who believed in him, and a few who seriously doubted his ability. From the minute we first suspected that Tom might have a learning issue, when he was just 18-months-old, my husband and I have done everything in our power to get Tom the help he needed, but we couldn’t do the work for him. That he needed to do for himself. And he did.
Each test is timed and students typically get only three hours to complete them. Because of Tom’s dyslexia he is allowed six hours, and he took all of the time he was allowed. He would come out of the exams exhausted but so proud of himself.
On the last day of the testing I picked him up, and he was just elated that it was over and that he did it. I told him how proud I was of him, and he turned to me and thanked me for always believing in him.
“Mom, whenever I felt as if I couldn’t go on I would just think of you telling me that I could do anything that I wanted to do and it gave me the push I needed to go on.Thank you. Thank you for always believing that I could do this.”
I looked over at my son, who is now far taller than I am, and I was in awe of the young man he has become. I thought of all the mistakes I know I make on a daily basis, and I realized that in the end, what I do “wrong” isn’t nearly as important as what I do right. And that is being the mother that Tom needs me to be. Not perfect. Not even close, but his mom.
You seriously are the best mom ever and I couldn’t agree with Tom more if I tried. Hugs to you and just so glad those tests are behind Tom though now. Xoxo 😉
Janine Huldie recently posted…Scream For My Calendar
Kathy – love makes up for anything we do “wrong”. Congrats to you and Tom!!!
What a beautiful post, Kathy! As are children grow older we realize that what we did wrong is usually never remembered, but what we get right lives on for generations! Congratulations to your son and to you as well!
Rena McDaniel recently posted…THE EMOTIONAL TOLL OF CAREGIVING
Thank you so much sweet Rena! xoxo
It’s amazing that when it really comes down to it all our kids really need is for someone to love them and believe in them. Sounds like your kids lucked out in both departments. Oh, and I’ve heard feeding them is important too:)
Jill Ginsberg recently posted…Things Seattle drivers are known for
Feeding them? Wow, now you tell me!!! Lol! Yes, I do totally agree with you, if our kids know we love them and believe in them they can probably survive most of other mistakes. Thanks so much! xo
Awesome. Seriously. I firmly believe that a child who knows his parents have faith in him is well on their way to success.
The Imp recently posted…Rules From THAT House
I think you are so right, that is probably the best give we can give them. Thanks so much!
This is a really lovely post. It made me cry. Your son is clearly a very determined, ambitious, strong and mature young man who will achieve great things because he believes that he can and is willing to work hard. That outlook on life is a great gift that you have given him. You should be immensely proud of your son, but also of yourself.
Pen recently posted…Yippee, we sold our house today
I am very proud Pen, thank you!!
Oh, that just warms my heart! It obviously attests to what a wonderful, supportive mom you are. I think as parents we make mistakes along the way –we are human after all — but we also do so many thing right, and like you said, that’s often what really counts.
Bev recently posted…How I stay organized despite my messy desk
Thanks so much Bev. I think you are right, we do make mistakes, and it’s easy to focus on them, but you are also right when you say we do so many more things right! I’ts nice to be reminded of that! xo Thanks!
As a mom of a child with some learning issues, I totally understand what a journey this has been for all of you. Well done! Congratulations!
Liv recently posted…#1000Speak for Charleston, Ferguson and Paris…
Thank you so much Liv! It’s really amazing to see what they can accomplish!
So awesome to see a mom giving herself credit for the amazing job she is doing. We don’t do that enough!
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