The Christmas Music War

In just a few short days, a battle’s going to break out in my (mostly) happy home. Every November, my family starts its annual Christmas Music War.

Each year it’s me against my husband, Joe, and the three darlings that I brought into this world. I might add after a collective 36 hours of labor and three, count them three, C-sections.

This year, I’m taking a proactive stand and putting my family on notice.

Mom wants to listen to “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” without the groans and moans from the back seat of the minivan. I would like to enjoy all 55 versions from 55 different artists of “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” without hearing Joe call me a “Lame-o.”

The following are 10 reasons why my family should allow me to listen to as much holiday music as I want and without as much as a peep or an eye roll:

1. I’m not a big believer in playing the, I-carried-each-of-you-for-nine-(actually ten)-extremely-long-months-guilt-card very often, but rest assured, this year I will. Remember that without me, three of you would not be here on this earth, and one of you would not be a father. Surely that deserves a few Fa-la-la-las for the next eight weeks.
2. Contrary to what a certain 17-year-old claims, listening to large amounts of holiday music won’t cause permanent damage to anyone’s psyche or cause one to turn to a life of crime.
3. Hearing “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)” puts me in a much more peaceful mood and makes my head less likely to explode when a certain 11-year-old asks me 55 times if we could have mushrooms, then asks another 55 times if the mushrooms are ready, then looks at said mushrooms and with a straight face tells me he never liked mushrooms.
4. If I could listen to Elmo sing the alphabet, Steve from Blues Clues sing, “We Just Got a Letter,” and Dora the Explorer singing her Backpack song for the rough equivalent of two full years of my life, surely you can listen to Karen Carpenter sing, “Merry Christmas Darling,” for a few weeks without bursting into tears.
5. Many groups and artists that you admire, such as, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, and Bruce Springsteen, have done Christmas songs. If it’s good enough for them, surely it’s good enough for us.
6. There comes a time every Christmas when even Santa needs some extra assistance with seasonal preparations. Who do you think he’s going to ask for help? Yes, that’s right, me. Happy elves spread holiday cheer, and nothing brings more cheer to this elf than a few choruses of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”
7. What holiday season is complete without hearing, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” at least a few times?
8. There really was a part in our wedding vows that said, in sickness, health, and listening to holiday music every year. Why don’t you remember that? Weren’t you paying attention on the most important day of your life? Don’t you love me enough to remember the vow you made to me 23 years ago in front of our family, friends and God? DOESN’T OUR MARRIAGE MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
9. When Mom’s happy, everyone’s happy. When Mom’s not happy, well you know what happens.
10. Some of my most precious holiday memories are of nursing a two-week-old Tom, or trying to decorate the Christmas tree while nine months pregnant and holding the hand of a three-year-old, or watching three of the sweetest children squeal with delight over what Santa has brought them snuggled on the couch with the one I love, all with the sounds of the season playing in the background.

Truth be told, there is something that just warms my heart every time I hear a Christmas song. The music triggers the best memories of holidays past. And if that doesn’t move you, remember your survival sort of depends on me.

 

This piece has become a bit of a tradition here on the Dishwasher. It was originally published on October 27, 2013, under the title, It’s Beginning to Sound a Lot Like Christmas, and once again on October 26, 2014, under the title, It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. It has been edited.