For the last few weeks, I have been feeling every one of my 50 years. Motherhood, the job I know I am good at and the one I have always loved, has really been kicking my tail lately. It seems as if all three of my darlings are experiencing growing pains at the exact same time.
The fact that I am the primary parent, while my husband leaves the house for the office each day, means I am on the only one on the front lines dealing with every case of teen and tween angst that comes along. There is also the complexity of caring for my daughter, who has significant special needs.
I’m cooked. Burnt out. Exhausted and emotionally drained. I would get out the white flag of surrender, but I’m too tired to get it from the linen closet. I certainly don’t have the energy to wave it.
It’s times like these that I am oddly grateful that motherhood did not come easy to me. As I feel myself drawn into yet another argument about curfew times or whose fault it is that the living room is a disaster, I do my best to remember that there was a time when I would have given everything I owned to be in this position.
I had four miscarriages before our first child was born. Four.
The cushy life I had of only worrying about me, my job, my husband, and our cat felt so profoundly empty. I would do my best to enjoy all I had, but every time I saw a baby or a child with their mom, my heart would ache.
I would hear my friends complain about their kids, and it would take every ounce of me to stop myself from screaming, “You don’t know how lucky you are.”
There is something so empowering in remembering that I actively chose this life.
I might not have known or chosen that my daughter have more in common with a child of three or four then the girl of 14 that she is. But when I catch her in the bathroom, crumbling everyone’s deodorant and leaving a mess of biblical proportions, it does make it a little easier to laugh when she looks up at me and asks, “Mom do you still love me?”
I would rather not have to watch my 17-year-old son struggle with the same dyslexia that plagued me in school. But watching him makes strides some professionals thought he would never make does make the arguments over his choice of clothing or language a bit more manageable.
My soon-to-be 11-year-old youngest child is sure proving his talent of getting on my very last nerve as he grapples with the challenges of leaving grade school for the bigger world of middle school and all that will entail. But it’s hard not be charmed when he says I look like a princess in my new pink nightgown.
Yes, I have been feeling the pressures of raising three kids, trying to achieve some semblance of order in our house, and still make time to write. I have a very good case of the stressed-out-mommy blues.
Thankfully experience, and an hour of having the house to myself, has taught me it will pass.
There will be a day, sooner than I care to admit, when I will look back at these insane times as the good old days.
I know that. Today I just have to remind myself.
Kathy, I tell myself this daily that this too shall pass and most certainly get this in spades, as well. Hugs and we are in this together xoxo 🙂
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Some days it really can be so hard to remember, especially when you are exhausted. It’s so great to know we are no alone! xo
I needed this reminder. THANK YOU.
It can be so hard Harmony!!!!! Thank you! xo
All part of the journey, bumps and all. I hope spring will bring peace and transformation to you, my friend.
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Thanks! I know this shall too pass, but some days it’s harder to remember! xo
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Motherhood is a marathon not a sprint, You are doing an excellent job!
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Yes!!!!! Always good to remember!!!!!!! xo
This is beautiful and such an important reminder. My kiddo is only 18 months and his brother will be here soon…and it is easy to get caught up in the worries of how we’ll ever survive the next couple of years. I always think about how the teenage years will somehow be easier – but they’re not, are they? Just different. I want to get into the practice of finding the beauty in each day, just as it is, remembering that I’ve hoped to be a mother my whole life. Thank you for this.
Thank you! Some days, and even weeks can be hard. The challenge I always have is how to remember to enjoy even the chaos. When I do it always gets better, but it’s not easy to remember!!! Congratulations on your upcoming arrival!! xo
You are my hero Kathy. I am in awe of you but, you are human. It’s ok to feel the way you do.
Hang in there my beautiful friend! xoxo
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Thank you so much sweet friend! That means so much to me coming from you!! xoxo
Love your stories, as always!
What good reminder that we chose this life – love this.
Really lovely. Yes, we all have to stop sometimes and realize what we have. What we see as problems are situations others pray for. Thanks for the reminder.
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Such a beautiful post – I find some days tough but I also know it will all be over in a flash and I will look back and realise that these tough times were actually some of the best times too. I am trying to cherish every moment. xx
Some days with kids are tough! Great reminder: We choose this life. And, I couldn’t be happier (even if I have to remind myself that I’m happy sometimes). LOL!
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