Like most people, I don’t like admitting my mistakes. Especially when it comes to how I deal with my kids. That’s not to say I don’t make errors regularly, because I do. But sometimes I screw up in a way that really sticks with me. New Year’s Day was one of those days.
It started off well enough. I was impressed that my husband and I managed to follow through with our plan of rising early on the first day of 2016 and managed to get everyone out of the house to see the 9:45 am showing of Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
We wanted to see the movie as a family, but we are not a group that does well with crowds. So we had purposely waited the two weeks after it opened and picked a time when the fewest people would be at the theater. I’m not the biggest fan of the Star Wars franchise, but I was looking forward to watching my family of Luke Skywalker groupies enjoy the show.
As we walked into the theater, our oldest Tom, 17, looked at me and said, “I can’t believe I’m going to see a Star Wars movie in a theater. This is a dream come true.” I felt all warm and fuzzy and did my best to tuck this into my bank of motherhood memories.
I was a little nervous when my 10-year-old saw a boy from his school. Peter struggles with his ADHD and some learning differences. He has made tremendous strides. But some kids grow impatient with him, and it’s not always easy for him to make friends. I wasn’t overly worried about how he would act at the movie, but if I’m being honest, I was hoping that the whole experience would show my sweet son in the best light and might even get back to some of the other kids in his grade.
There’s nothing like putting pressure on a family event to ensure that it will quickly run off the rails.
We got our popcorn, and everyone settled in to watch the movie. As the previews concluded, and the film was about to begin, Peter started to have an issue with sitting still and being quiet. He said the movie was too loud for him and that he wanted to leave. He then started asking for more food and said he needed the bathroom, I handled the whole thing perfectly and through clenched teeth told him to knock it off and watch the movie.
That is when my little one really lost it and started crying. Through tears he said, “Mommy, you clenched your teeth. That means you are really mad at me.”
Joe whispered to me that perhaps the 3D effects were too much for him and put him in sensory overload. He quickly whisked Peter from the theater to take him to the bathroom. I followed after them thinking I would help Peter and let Joe, the biggest Star Wars fan of all of us, enjoy the movie.
Let’s just say I was not at my best. I was angry at my son and frustrated at his behavior. I didn’t see a kid who has been working on his issues and doing his best. I didn’t care that he was speaking up, a real accomplishment for him, telling me how he felt, and saying that he was overwhelmed. All I saw was a child who was out of control and ruining my idea of the perfect family outing.
The funny thing is, once Peter was out of the theater he was fine. And he was happy to be with me. I found myself conflicted. I wanted to enjoy him and take it all in stride, but I couldn’t silence my inner critic. Maybe I was just not being strong enough? Perhaps his behavior wasn’t because of his ADHD. Was it because I was too permissive?
I went against my best instincts and decided we needed to try the movie one more time. Peter did his best and didn’t make a scene, but I could tell this was just too tough for him. I was able to quiet my inner critic and parented my son the way I knew he needed me to. I told him we could go back outside and wait. I felt both a sense of happiness and shame when he looked up at me, smiled and said thank you mom.
Once again I was reminded at how parenting can be a tightrope walk. It’s not always easy to know when it’s time to teach a lesson and when my child really needs me to back off and be there for him. I was glad that in the end I was able to quiet the critic and mother my son.
Kathy, I have so been there and my youngest actually gets scared of pretty much anything you can imagine. Whe we saw Inside Out, she got so upset at one of the parts of the movie, she was crying so hard that I had to take her into the bathroom to calm her down. And trust me, it took all my restraint to keep it together during that and thanked God that I had my husband there to stay with my older, who was indeed enjoying the movie. In the end, she did go back in calmer and was able to see the movie through, but still she was not a fan in the end and actually told me that she wouldn’t be watching the dvd version when we purchased it recently. I must admit that having seen her reaction in the theatre did make me realize that sometimes I just have to follow her lead and go with the flow. So, haven’t pushed her on watching the dvd version and won’t be either.
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Janine it can be so hard in those moments, I feel split between being a “good girl” and making sure that everyone else’s experience isn’t being ruined and really being there for the one person who actually needs and counts at the moment. This is a very tough job!!! Lol! xxo
I am the same way in movies theaters like that and even in stores at the malls with the loud music. I can only take a few minutes of it before I will literally have a meltdown and weep. I avoid them at all costs it feels like my brain is being sort of electrocuted. It almost hurts, physically. I’m sorry that sounds weird, but really. I had never thought about it before until you described it.
Rena it doesn’t sound strange at all and now I will be much more careful as to which movies I go with him. We had just seen the Peanuts movie together and he was fine but that was a much different film. Thanks so much for sharing this! xo
Aaack! That’s a lot to handle. Sounds as though you and your husband make a great tag team! I hope you have a family outing soon that is better than your dream.
I was really glad my husband was there!! Thank you so much. Happy New Year!!
Kathy – your reaction was so human….I think you are such a wonderful mother, and a great wife for letting Joe stay to see the movie! Hugs!
Kathy that was a good post very honest! I loved it and have been there with you girls when you were young ! It’s a tough job being a Mom.
You are a brilliant mother and I love that you shared this. Parenthood is the toughest job really and truly but the rewards are the best!
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I’m going to show this comment to my kids the next time they complain about me!!!! Lol! Thank you so much, you totally made my day! xoxo
This is such a real post. How you were reacted was absolutely how any parent would have reacted. It sounds like you have a supportive husband as well, which makes for a great team.
Thank you so much Faye! I am lucky that I married someone who is on the same page regarding parenting that I am. Thanks again! xo
Parenting is by far the toughest thing. It would be so great if we always knew the right thing to do, but it doesn’t work that way. You clearly handled this situation perfectly in my book Kathy!
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Thanks Nancy!! I really felt horrible, it is tough to sometimes know when to lay down the law and when to understand and back of. xoxo
Quieting the critic is always so hard! Bravo to you!
That is what motherhood is. Walking a tightrope and trying to find the best way across. Glad you were able to make it work.
Learning to parent a child the way the child needs it, vs how a parent wants it, is one of the biggest challenges of this whole motherhood gig, imo.
Good for you, Momma. You did the right thing.
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Sounds like you did the right thing. Your son is a sensitive, sweet boy. Some of those movies are so loud and crazy, I get how he feels.
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Wow great post. During the holidays is really hard. I have all these expectations for perfect family memories and there is no room for meltdowns at the light show or whatever. I relate to this so much! I’m sorry it go as expected but happy that it stilled turned into a good experience for your son, he learned he could count on his parents. All the feels! love it!