My dishwasher's possessed

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The Gift of Time

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the gift of time

This past October I turned 49. I’m now a year older than my father was when he had his heart attack.

It was 1988, and I still remember sitting on the Long Island Railroad not knowing what I would face when the train pulled into the station. Smart phones and social media weren’t part of our daily diet, and it was a real possibility that I was going to arrive home and learn my dad was gone.

It seemed impossible. I’d spoken with my mother in the morning before I went to work as a hostess in a trendy New York City restaurant. I usually would check my machine while I was there but since it was a Sunday, I wasn’t expecting any calls.

When I got home I was surprised to find 10 messages on my machine. How’d I get so popular?

With each message my heart beat faster.

At first they were somewhat benign: Daddy may have had a heart attack. We’re on our way to the hospital.

Then the messages kept coming, each one more alarming than the last, until the last one:  Where are you? Get home now.

My life changed in a matter of minutes. I finally got through to my mother. She had her sweet, too calm telephone voice. That was when I knew things were really bad.

“Hi, honey. Yes, daddy had a heart attack. No, it does not look good at all; he probably won’t make it. Come home as fast as you can. I love you.”

My dad was 48 and in good shape. This shouldn’t be happening.

I called my best friend Kay who offered to take the train home with me. The entire ride I didn’t know what to think or feel. The truth is my father and I had always had a strained relationship. It wasn’t uncommon for me to call home and just say a cursory greeting and then ask for my mom.

I couldn’t shake the thought that my dad may have died, and I’d never repaired the relationship. He was going to leave me before I had time to make peace with him.

The train finally pulled into Northport, and I saw my father’s two oldest friends waiting to pick me up. This wasn’t good.

We got to the hospital and everywhere I looked there was a relative or family friend in the  waiting room. Some people I hadn’t seen in years. Everyone waiting to hear any news that might come.

I was weeks away from my 23rd birthday, and the real possibility that my dad wouldn’t be around to see me fall in love, get married, or have children was almost unbearable.

Again, the thought that kept going through my mind was that I hadn’t made peace with this man. We could have such volatile conversations about everything from movies to politics. I had always felt that whatever I did was wrong in his eyes. We loved each other, but I don’t think we really liked each other.

My father had suffered tremendous damage to his heart, and weeks passed before he was out of the woods. The doctors told him he would be lucky if he survived five years.

After the heart attack I knew that time was precious. If I wanted to repair the relationship, I was going to have to do it sooner rather then later.

And we did. Twenty-six years later my dad is such an important person in my life. I not only love him, I really like him.

I think of all the moments I’ve had with this man since that day.

The Saturday he picked me up from the train and I told him I had fallen in love with the man who is now my husband. Dancing with my dad at my wedding. Watching him dance at both my sisters’ weddings.

The phone call I made when I told him his first grandchild would be a boy. Or each time he came to visit me after having all three of my babies. Times I feared I would never have with him.

I’ve made my dad promise me he won’t die. I know he’ll do his best to keep that promise, but in the event that he can’t, I’m eternally grateful that I have had the gift of knowing that I not only made peace with him, but I have gotten to really enjoy being his daughter.

 

Comments

  1. Janine Huldie says

    Aww, Kathy I am just so glad your dad is ok now and you were indeed given this gift of more time with him. I, too, feel blessed that my own dad survived having a heart attack and stroke and was given more time with him, as well as I think once you do live through something like this you never take anything for granted.
    Janine Huldie recently posted…10 Things I Would Rather Than SnowMy Profile

  8. Chris Carter says

    Oh Kathy, what a beautiful post! I’m so glad you realized the need to repair your relationship with your dad- what a blessing that you have had MANY years to embrace it. I am thrilled he is still alive to live through life’s greatest moment’s with you.
    Chris Carter recently posted…What Is True Love?My Profile

  10. Crystal says

    It’s all about second chances and not letting them pass by. This was a beautiful post. It brought back a flood of memories because I loss my dad during open-heart surgery. He was just no strong enough to pull through. So happy yours defied the odds!
    Crystal recently posted…Bloggers: How to Ask for CommentsMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Crystal thanks so much. I’m so, so, sorry about your dad. Heart disease is such a horrible disease stealing way too many people. And you are so right, second chances are such a miracle and it’s even better when we can actually see them! (I can’t say I always do!! xo)

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Thanks Linda! Repairing our relationship was such a blessing and it I really don’t know if it would have happened without the heart attack. Strange gift!

  12. Jack says

    I really appreciate and related to this one. Eleven years ago my folks flew to NJ to meet their newest grandchild and the day after they got their my dad had a major heart attack. My BIL is a doctor and he told me to get on a plane ASAP but also said he couldn’t promise my dad would still be alive when we landed.

    Fortunately he made it but I remember the fear on the flight over and the fear on the flight back.

    Glad your dad pulled through too, fathers are important.
    Jack recently posted…What Kind Of Friend Do You Want To Be?My Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Jack I’m so glad your dad pulled through too. I can only imagine what that plane ride was like. It is just terrifying. Thank you for sharing your experience. And you are so right, dads are very important!
      Kathy Radigan recently posted…The Gift of TimeMy Profile

  13. Andrea Brovetto says

    Kathy I am so happy Dad did
    Make it and he does love you so. It is hard to believe it’s 26 years ago. What a beautiful tribute to your dad !

  15. Tammy @ creativekkids says

    What a sweet post. My dad had a heart attack when I was 23 also. He too was 48. He was overweight and very stressed with work, but it still came as a total surprise. We had a great relationship, and his was not quite as serious–angioplasty was all he needed; but I remember my mom’s friend pulling me off the daycare bus that was leaving the parking lot for a field trip so that I could go the hospital to be with my mom, my younger sister sobbing and I knew I had to be strong, yet not knowing how serious it would be. I am thankful that he made it and got to walk me down the aisle and see all my children as well. He is so special to us, and it makes life more precious when you know that it might not have been this way.
    Tammy @ creativekkids recently posted…Bloggers Brags Pinterest Party, Week 64 #linkyMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Tammy it’s strange isn’t it? My dad’s heart attack really turned into such a blessing. I really don’t know if we would have repaired our relationship without it. Thank you so much for sharing your own experience! xo

  16. holly says

    This was a beautiful and touching post. Thank you for sharing it. I’m so glad you’ve had these years with your father because at 22 we often haven’t had time to understand our parents or have the wisdom to know how to grow closer. Ironically I just wrote about loss as well. The loss of one of my dear friends. But I’m lucky to still have my father with me. He’s 96 and still enjoying life.
    holly recently posted…Friendship: love and lossMy Profile

  17. Kathy Radigan says

    Holly I’m so glad your dad is still with you!! You are so right, at 22 or 23 we really don’t have the same understanding that we have later on. I do feel so blessed to have gotten a chance to repair and develop a special relationship with my dad. Thanks! xo

  18. Cathy Chester says

    What a beautiful, beautiful tribute to your dad, to you and to the both of you. You are blessed to have a chance to make the doctor wrong (!!!) and repair the relationship you so obviously needed and wanted. I am thrilled for both of you, and for your entire family.

    Blessings all around for everyone, and especially for the writer!! xoxoxo
    Cathy Chester recently posted…Our Trip To A Beautiful Sanctuary That Rescues, Protects And Preserves WildlifeMy Profile

  21. Rena McDaniel says

    I’m the other ending of this story only three years earlier. I got that same call in 1985 only it wasn’t my mother it was a neighbor. I rushed to the hospital only to find that I was to late. He died when I was 15 and he was only 46. Even though it’s been thirty years this May 10th I still miss him every single day. Give him a hug for me.
    Rena McDaniel recently posted…The #WomensLives Initiative and the T.D.A.C.My Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Rena I’m so, so, sorry. I know I am so lucky. Heart disease steals the best people from us, way, way too early. Thank you for sharing your story sweet friend! xo

  22. Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com says

    Hi Kathy! You are so right that you have been given an AWESOME gift. To get a wake up call like that when you are 23 and “hear it” was extremely fortunate. Not all of us do. How great that your Dad has also been able to share his life with and your family. Apparently he was able to turn his life to the positive as well. May you both share many more years and “time” together! ~Kathy G
    Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com recently posted…Letting Go Of the Need To Be RightMy Profile

Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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