My dishwasher's possessed

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Motherhood Helped Me Find My Voice

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motherhood helped my find my voice

Words have always come easy for me. Legend has it I was speaking full sentences by the time I was 18 months old. At two,  I corrected my grandmother’s pronunciation of Santa Claus.

Words came easy. But finding my voice didn’t. And it wasn’t something I fully found until I became a mother.

I was a shy, insecure young woman. The dyslexia that made school and life so hard made me an extremely cautious person. I was terrified that if I opened my mouth, people would discover just how stupid I was.

I would rather die than let someone know what I really thought or felt.

As I made my way through my twenties and early thirties, I became more comfortable with who I was. I learned I was a smart, capable woman. I had value and so did my voice. But speaking up for myself was something I continued to work on. I still had an investment in being liked and seen as the “good girl.”

Then I had my first miscarriage. Then a second, third, and fourth loss. All of a sudden being thought of as the perfect patient couldn’t hold a candle to having a healthy baby.

By the time I finally held my newborn son two years after my first miscarriage, the carefully crafted good girl image that meant so much to me, no longer mattered. If I felt something was wrong, I would call my doctor. My fear of looking stupid or bothering the office was overshadowed by something far greater, the needs of my unborn child.

I read everything I could on pregnancy loss. If a specialist was recommended, I would get on the phone and pepper the doctor or hospital with questions. People responded to me, and I found that my gift of words helped me connect to people and get the information I needed.

As my son got older, I found that this ability came in handy as it became apparent that his speech was late in developing. I was fearless when it came to getting the help he needed. I was no longer scared to question doctors and others in authority. I now did it without blinking.

What surprised me even more was that people actually listened to me. I found that the doctors, teachers, and therapists I was dealing with were very open to my questions and instincts.

They didn’t see a scared dyslexic girl. They saw an intelligent, well-read mother who would do anything she needed to get her kids the help they need. And if I ever felt my concerns were not being taking seriously enough, I had no problem letting them know and finding another practice.

I was a mom now and nothing as trivial as my fears of looking dumb would come in the way of my ability to get my children the care they needed.

As it turned out, this skill came in handy because all three of our kids struggle with learning differences. My daughter has very significant special needs.

I have become a vocal advocate for them and have seen all three of my children accomplish things that some said were impossible.

I may have been born with the gift of words, but it took motherhood for me to find my voice.

 

This is a re-working of an earlier post, Motherhood Gave Me My Voice, which was published on the Dishwasher, 5/4/14.

Comments

    • Kathy Radigan says

      It’s really interesting isn’t it? We go into motherhood knowing we will teach our children yet really, I have found they teach us so much more! xo Love to you my friend!

  4. Jen says

    I found you through the Binders fb group and clicked on this post because the title rang so familiar to me. I am a mother of five children, who never really planned to be the mother of ANY children. And yet, I find that mothering them has brought me so much more into who I really am and who I can be, than any of the other plans I had would’ve done. Though none of my children have known special needs, just trying to be an example of a woman willing to use her voice has helped me find mine. Thanks for the article!
    Jen recently posted…Pull With LoveMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Jen I love that you said, “Just trying to be an example of a woman willing to user her voice has helped me find mine”. I could not agree with you more. Thank you so much dropping by!

  6. Jennifer says

    One of the self discoveries of motherhood- can you even imagine the woman you would be without this experience? I’m so grateful to have my children to help
    Me see the world through their eyes.
    Jennifer recently posted…Can You See Me Aging?My Profile

  9. Rena McDaniel says

    This something that I struggled with too for a very long time. I could stand up for my kids or somebody that I loved but I still find it difficult to stand up for myself or afraid of saying “no” for fear that someone wouldn’t like me. I am getting over that the older I get. I don’t have the time for BS that I used to put up with and seem to be able to say no but… alot better than I used to!
    Rena McDaniel recently posted…THE 3 THINGS THAT SENT ME UNDER THE COVERS THIS PAST WEEK!My Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Rena I am very happy that standing up for my kids has translated to standing up for myself. I too don’t have the same tolerance for BS anymore. But I will say breaking the “good girl” habit is hard!!! Thanks so much! xo

    • Kathy Radigan says

      It really is strange, isn’t it? One minute I feel as if I can take over the world and the next I really feel as if I could be committed! Thank you so much!

  12. Chris Carter says

    Beautifully said Kathy. I love it how motherhood can birth new strengths and characteristics in us all. I just think your journey speaks so much of your ability to transform into passionate and powerful voice for the sake of your children… and ultimately for the sake of YOU.

    I always say motherhood can truly drop you to your knees… and lift you higher than you have ever been before. There is a growth process like no other, when you become a mother.
    Chris Carter recently posted…Why You Should Try Aqua AerobicsMy Profile

Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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