At 48 with three kids ages 15, 12 and 9, I feel like a monkey in the middle.
Some of my friends have kids that are much older than mine. Babies that I bought shower and first birthday gifts for so many years ago, are finishing college or well into their careers.
I also have some friends with children still in diapers.
I’ve found in my mom friends and in myself, that once our children master a new stage in life, we tend to downplay, even forget, just how hard the previous stage was.
We tell our friends with new babies that they may think they have it hard now, but just wait till junior starts walking.
Yes, it’s hard to put your five-year-old on the bus to kindergarten, but it can’t compare to watching them go off to middle school, high school, or college.
When my oldest, Tom, started school, I found some great friends that not only had a kid in Tom’s grade, but had older children as well. While they were at school events sipping Starbucks, I was pushing Peter in a stroller and panicking about getting home in time to pick up Lizzy from preschool.
I might feel a tinge of jealousy as I declined their offer to go to lunch because I had to get a little one down for a nap, but I also loved having friends that had already been through the grade school years. I found their advice and support a real life saver.
My friend Mallory has been particularly helpful. She served as my personal guide to all things school related since we met nine years ago when our boys started first grade. At the time her oldest was just starting middle school.
I would listen intently to stories about class selections and the pros and cons of honor classes while I would give baby Peter a bottle.
When it was time for Tom and her son Zach to start middle school four years ago, I relied heavily on Mallory’s experience. She’d been through this big transition once, and she would reassure me that the boys would be fine. Since she was now knee deep in high school and was planning trips to look at colleges, she was the pro and I was her willing apprentice.
I was a wreck.
Not only was Tom starting middle school, but Peter, my baby, was starting all day kindergarten.
I don’t easily cry, but I got weepy any time I thought about the fact that all three of my kids would be in school now.
The entire summer Mallory would tell me to pull myself together. She would remind me of the good times that were coming, the lunches and shopping trips that we would finally get to take. I’m sure she was also looking forward to being able to have a phone conversation with me that didn’t include me stopping in mid sentence to tell Peter that, no he could not have cookies for breakfast or to stop climbing on the top bunk bed if he couldn’t climb down.
Truth be told, so was I.
As the first day of middle school got closer, it was decided that Mallory would take the boys to school.
Tom didn’t want me to start crying when he walked out of the car, and he was terrified that I would do something like call out, I love you or I’m proud of you, in front of all his friends.
That morning we met at Dunkin Donuts. The boys were so excited about what lay ahead for them. I did my best to be strong and not think about the fact my first baby was going off to middle school, while my little baby would be leaving me for a whole day of kindergarten in two more days.
Mallory gave me a look that said cool it on the emotion, so I just wished both boys a great day and got back in my car. I didn’t even pass by the school.
About twenty minutes later, she called me, hysterically crying.
“I couldn’t help it. I saw the two of them get out of the car and start walking, and I just started to tear up. Then I yelled out, “Good luck boys. I love you Zach. And I love you too Tom.”
We both started laughing at how her nerves of steel had completely shattered.
When I picked up Tom after school, he got in the car and said, “Do you know what Mallory did? she was crying and called out to Zach that she loved him. Then, she said she loved me too. Mom if I wanted that I would have had you drive me.”
I think of this story each time I’m tempted to tell one of my friends that they’ll be just fine when their little one starts their first day of preschool or kindergarten. Or when I tell myself that I’m being silly when Peter gives up his stuffed animal or when I feel a little sad that Lizzy is no longer as attached to her American Girl dolls as she once was.
Motherhood is such an all encompassing job. Each stage feels monumental because it is. It’s amazing to see our children grow up — It’s what a mother’s job is all about. But each new step they take in their lives, whether it’s eating with a fork or going off to college is one more step away from us. I think that deserves a tear or two.
Kathy, I am truly a mess crying after reading this and got to tell you with Emma starting kindergarten in the next 2 weeks this totally hit home for me. I keep telling myself, I will be fine, but definitely not so sure I won’t be bawling on that first day. Totally a huge step for my baby and just can’t believe it as much as I know it to be right around the corner now.
Janine Huldie recently posted…Back To School Tips 101
Janine it really goes too fast!! It was so bittersweet each time I put my babies on the bus to kindergarten for the first time. The excitement they have about their world getting bigger is amazing but there is always that piece of me that wants to yell at the world, stop going so fast!!!! Sending lots of love!! xo
Your kids are so lucky to have you as their mom. What a wonderful reminder for all of us – my takeaway, Your kids are never to old to yell I love you to at drop off!! (ha!)
The Shitastrophy recently posted…Dear Mom Screaming at her Kid
Thank you so much! I will be sure to show them your comment the next time they tell me I’m the worst mother in the whole world!!! Lol! xoxo
This hit so close to home Kathy! We are “in charge” of our kids for such a few, precious, limited number of years. It is like god is giving us a gift for 18 years, and then we have to let it go. Thanks again of course for another great post!
Lisa it’s so true!!!! Why does it go so fast!! Thank you so much! xox
Kathy, one more thing…your post was so timely. A number of the FB friends posted pictures of them dropping their kids off to college for the 1st time…I was getting teary eyed today.
Lisa I don’t know what gets me more, the pictures of people dropping off their kids at college or the little ones off to kindergarten for the first time! I should just invest in Kleenex stock now! Lol! xo
I love this story Kathy! I laughed at the part about Maggie dropping off the kids. Emotions do get you even when you think they won’t!
[email protected] recently posted…Skinny Meatloaf Cupcakes
Nancy I crack up every time I think about Maggie calling me! And especially that afternoon when I picked up Tom and he told me. We all still laugh about it! xo
Yup…starting my Monday with some tears…
I love this so much!
Michelle recently posted…I’m Ready For A New Super Power
Sorry to make you cry! xo Thanks so much for hoping over! 🙂
Oh boy, does this sound familiar. Unlike you, I cry if our dog farts. My oldest turns 13 this week and starts 8th grade tomorrow. I’m just about dying inside. She also officially became a woman, if you know what I mean. This is all too much for me! I think it would be easier if she was like some of those cranky, mouthy tweens/teenagers, but she’s not. Her sweetness and empathy make me ache for how the world is going to try and knock it out of her like a dusty rug.
Kelly Roberts recently posted…Hoarding: One Womanâs Manifesto
I hear you on this one, Cathy. I remember us videotaping my son getting on the kindergarten bus, and my husband even followed him in. When he got off, I said to him this was just the beginning; nothing would ever be the same. And I cried.
My son is 21 but my heart aches for those days long gone. But as life changes, and he gets older, I love seeing who he is now, taking his own shape and making choices that are good ones.
We are all here for each other, my dear friend Kathy! You got me crying now!xo
Cathy recently posted…A Boomer’s Short Bucket List
oh my sweet friend, I just want to hug you! My daughter is 34 now. But I remember the day I dropped my daughter off at kindergarten. I kept it together until I got outside of the school then the tears came. I saw another mom sitting under a tree crying. I invited her for tea and we were friends for many years. Now I watch as one granddaughter gets ready for 10th grade, another is starting jr. high…. our youngest grandson is starting school. Time… it slips through our fingers. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about how you feel. Smooches and hugs!
Oh Kathy!! This is just precious and SO true!!! I just dropped my daughter off at middle school… tears and I love you’s and all…
I prayed the entire day. And wrote- of course, I had freed the day of any obligatory things, so I could just be ‘in it’ and it was LOOOOONG.
I am thrilled to say that so far- she’s doing great!
I remember that first day of first grade for her- terrified to let her go. She had medical issues, so there’s that. ALL day she would be away from me-oh the questions and the worries and the panic at any given moment that she’s NOT okay!!! I was terrified. I think that was the hardest parenting turn.
I love how you shared such a significant part of us mothers… and how we can not only learn from each other’s experience, but embrace and support one another as we go through each new test and turn.
Chris Carter recently posted…Leave A Trail Behind You…
Hi Kathy,
Our Grandson is 3 and although I am not as “connected’ as his Mother, I too know that every one of his “1st’s” are something we will dread/cherish!
Thanks,
Rob