As a mom to three kids, I do a lot of going in and out of my house. Each time I go to meet a bus, or get into my mom-mobile, I revisit a piece of my childhood and one of my most treasured possessions…my quartz rock.
The rock sits among shrubs from our home’s previous owners and some flowers and perennials I’ve planted. About a foot long, the rock blends in with its surroundings. It also stands out as something unique. Just like it did when it was in my mother’s garden. First in the house we lived in until I was nine and then at the house my parents remain in today.
As a young girl, I loved sitting outside and daydreaming among the flowers my mother carefully tended. I could spend a whole day spinning stories about the rock. One day it could be a rare diamond that needed to be recovered in order to save a beautiful princess. Another day it could be a magic crystal that held the secrets of the world.
When I got a bit older, I could appreciate the rock for it’s own natural beauty. The way it sparkled when the sprinkler would hit it, or how it would catch the sunlight and throw off a rainbow.
I was never really clear how my mom came into possession of the unusual stone. As a child I loved to think of all the mysterious ways it could have come to reside in our little suburban home. Years later, I learned my mother’s uncle found it on his travels and gave it to my grandmother, who then gave it to mom.
I can still picture my mom weeding and planting her little rock garden in the front of our first house. Neighbors would stop by and chat with her, telling her the latest news or gossip. Many people commented on the unusual quartz.
She was so young and beautiful. I loved to talk to her whenever she was gardening. My mom was always on the run with many obligations, PTA president, ambulance corps volunteer, church obligations, or helping a friend. I had a lot of competition for her time. I loved that for the time she was in her garden, she could be mine. I would sing to her or just chat about my day.
When we moved, the rock went with us. I would see it in the new garden and take comfort that at least something was the same.
I wonder what my children will use as their touchstone to me as they grow older. Will my rock have some significance to them? Or will they remember me obsessively going over the rose bushes and getting mad at any aphids nervy enough to eat my flowers?
Will the sight of a book I read to them return them to a happy time? Will they remember the silly voices I used to make the book’s characters come alive? Or the songs I sang to them when I rocked them to sleep?
Will the sound of fingers on a keyboard remind them of me sitting in my office working on my blog? Will they remember sitting on my bed, watching TV, arguing with each other until I yelled, “For the love of all that is holy, knock it off.”
What will comfort my children when I no longer can?
My Aunt Fran, my mother’s sister, died almost a year ago. The thought of her passing has me feeling one step closer to the day my mom will no longer be there to watch my kids, or share the latest gossip over a cup of coffee.
A few weeks ago, my old roommate lost her battle with cancer. Her death made me want to cling to my own children a bit tighter and beg God to not take me until they’re all collecting social security.
As much as I hate to think about it, life is uncertain. We don’t know what will happen one day to the next. For today I’m grateful for my rock and the sweet memories of my mother that it holds for me, and I will be mindful to make sure I’m creating the touchstones that will bring my own children comfort when I no longer can.
*A version of this essay was first published on the Dishwasher. May 29, 2011 under the title, Touchstones. It has been updated from the original.
Life is totally uncertain and do find myself wondering once in awhile now that I am mother and heading out of my 30s what will be. I try hard to push certain unpleasant thoughts out as much as I can, but still can’t help, but think about it. I guess it is only natural, but still hope to god I don’t have to face these types of losses for awhile still.
Janine Huldie recently posted…Pley – Lego Fan’s Dream Come True
I do too Janine! xo
This one made me cry!
Thank you so much dear friend. xox
Isn’t it wonderful to have something outside that reminds you of your roots?
I have my irises: my mom’s favorite flower, and I never knew it, till I impulsively bought her a package of iris bulbs when I was a little girl. She planted them by the mailbox, and went on and on about how they were her favorite. So, now, over 40 years later, and 400 miles away, when my irises bloom, I think it’s a love note from heaven.
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Susan I love that story!!! I have cone flowers from my aunt, and plants from my dad. I love to have a living piece of them that continues to grow. Thank you!
Ah, your kids will remember ALL those things and MORE! With love and laughter.
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Carol you are so sweet! xo
This is beautiful Kathy. I love the idea of a touchstone! Although in our house it will probably be a patch of poison ivy that doesn’t go away! We will all remember those summers covered in calamine lotion. 😉
You have me laughing Tracy! Well poison ivy is pretty hardy and you can always find calamine lotion somewhere so I guess it’s pretty practical for a touchstone! 🙂 Thank you so much!
I am very sentimental about the touchstones I have from both my mother and grandmother – I hope my kids feel the same way about things that mean something to them someday. It’s very comforting to have those special and familiar things with us throughout our lives.
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Sharon you are so right! I have a habit of being careless with my jewelry so there are so many things from my mom, aunt and grandma that I no longer have, but my rock is really too big to lose, thank goodness!!
So beautiful and so touching Kathy! Off to get a tissue.
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Thank you so much Nancy! Love you!
This is just simply beautiful Kathy. I fear for my children it will be a computer, but God I hope not. I know that finding some recipes in my mother’s beautiful handwriting took me right back into my childhood kitchen. I love that the garden represented your time with your mom. That rock is beautiful, especially because of what it represents.-Ashley
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Ashley thank you so much!! I know my dad loves the connection he feels to my grandmother whenever he cooks one of her recipes. There is something so beautiful about keeping a piece of someone with us long after they are gone. Love to you! xox
This is beautiful. Seriously.
It’s got me thinking and trying to figure out what my touchstone to my dad is – he’s no longer here. And my mom, I suppose. Though she is. I think I have so many that to pinpoint one might be weird for me right now. Too close to loss, too stirring, perhaps, but I love how you have this and what it means to you. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you so much Andrea. xo
Kathy that wAs so beautiful. Thank you for the tribute I love my quartz rock so glad you have it and love it too. Love mom
Thanks mom! xo
Oh I love this and I love the emotions you are feeling. They are palpable. Excellent!
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Thank you dear friend! xox
Aw Kathy, what a beautiful piece. It’s an interesting question you’ve posed here. I wonder what will bring back those happy times for my kids? Maybe a guitar. 🙂
Linda Roy recently posted…Teacher Gifts: Welcome To the Land Of the Incessant ‘Thank You’s’
Thanks so much Linda! And I would totally think your kids will see a guitar and think of you!! xoxo
Lovely post Kathy! Now I’m trying to think about what will be the touchstone for my daughter? My own is my grandmother’s wedding ring, which is now my wedding band (I wanted something that would be a reminder of how a wise woman weathered the difficult bumps of marriage!). Love to you!
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I love that you wear your grandmothers wedding band! I wear mine as well. I’m sure you will leave your daughter many touchstones, some no further than out her door!! xoxo
I think this is my first or second time here? How can this be? We’re FB friends, with blogging friends in common, and BlogU..and all.
Anyway. Remedied.
I worry my kids are too used to me upstairs working all day and night. I’m particularly conscious of this right now because of my grandmother’s passing. Even though she was 100 and my mom has good genes and could be around for another 40 years or so..
I’m feeling very sensitive and remembering so much about my childhood.
Tamara recently posted…It’s In The Way That You Use It.
Tamara I just realized that too when I was visiting your gorgeous site!!! For me the loss of my aunt and friend have brought up a real need to connect to my past and to make sure my kids have their own touchstones! Thanks so much for dropping by!
Oh, Kathy! This is just beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. I wonder what my children will think about when they are looking back on their childhoods….what will their touchstone be? I honestly have no idea. I think maybe for Lucy it will be my perfume? I know that sounds funny, but she sometimes likes to get a spritz of my perfume when she’s going out the door. She says she can smell it an feel like I’m with her. I have no idea what Bobby would say. Probably just the nagging sound of someone saying “Are you wearing your retainer?” —Lisa
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1. The thing about touchstones, Kathy, is that they just happen. They’re not really chosen. I have a Denver Broncos cap from my father. I don’t think he thought of it being a touchstone when he bought it, but that’s what it is today for me. It’s his hat.
2. A good indicator of what might become one? When it moves with you. When it might not have huge monetary or insurance value. When you can see it differently, as you saw the rock, as you get older. They’re the constants that become our touchstones.
3. It’s going to be that way with you, and your kids. I wonder what my kids will cherish. I know when they miss me, they like to wear my T-shirts. The might remember spring days with the windows down, spitting out sunflower seed shells. Or it could be a fresh soccer pitch on a Saturday morning.
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I agree, we really don’t know what of ours is going to bring comfort or spark the best memories for our kids. I loved thinking about it though and being more mindful of what really is important. After all my mother has given me things of a lot of monetary value, yet it is this rock that I think of as one of my most cherished positions. 🙂
Kathy, this is beautiful, and so full of heartbreak and of hope. I’ve got huge tears on my cheeks. What, indeed, will comfort our children when we no longer can? I love that you brought the special rock with you when you moved. I hope that your children will cherish it always. xo
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Thanks Kristi! I’m sorry I made you cry but fair is fair, you made me cry with your latest piece!! Lol! Much love to you! xo
Kathy Radigan recently posted…A Mother’s Touchstone
I didn’t know you wore your grandmother’s wedding band! We are grandmother’s wedding band sisters 😉 You will have to show it to me when I next see you, my wise friend.
xoxo