The other day my daughter LIzzy and I were out to lunch with my parents. I was having so much fun watching her tell our favorite waitress what she wanted to order.
“That one” Lizzy proudly says as she points to the macaroni and cheese with hot dogs. This is the whole reason we’re having lunch at Friendly’s instead of someplace my parents and I would find a bit more appealing. My daughter loves her mac and cheese.
I coached Lizzy to use her words and not just point. Despite having to deal with many more tables, Colleen waited so patiently for every word to come out her 12-year-old mouth. Then she lavishly praised her for doing such a great job.
Once lunch was finished and Lizzy had just as much ice cream and hot fudge on her dress and face as she did in her stomach, Colleen came back to our table to bring the check and chat a bit.
Eating out can be a bit of a hassle for anyone with kids, but when you’re the parent of a special needs child, restaurants can be particularly stressful. Colleen is also the mother of a child with special needs, and she’s always been wonderful and supportive to me through the years we’ve been coming here.
My family has known her for so long that she was very excited to share with us that her daughter got engaged and would be getting married soon. My parents and I smiled and let her know how thrilled we were for her family when Colleen said something that literally took my breath away.
She said that her daughter had always made it clear to her future husband that she came as a package. It meant so much to her that the man she was marrying understood and was OK with the fact that she would take care of her brother when her parents could no longer do it.
Colleen saw my reaction and the tears that fell down my cheek and smiled.
“Kathy, it’s all good. It’s what she wants and how she feels. You know your boys feel the same way about Lizzy. It’s what’s important to them.”
I do know my boys feel the same way about their sister. Especially our oldest son, Tom, who has been telling my husband Joe and I that he would make sure he and Peter took care of Lizzy when we were gone ever since he was about seven.
I’ve always had mixed feelings about the devotion Tom has to his sister. Of course I think it’s beautiful. But we’ve been very clear that Lizzy is our daughter and our responsibility. Though we are deeply touched by his desire to always be there for her, we have been so careful to never give him the message that he has to ever alter his life because Lizzy has special needs.
Yet despite this, I know that he feels differently. The idea that he would one day tell his future wife that if she wants a life with him, she’ll have to accept the fact that his sister could one day be his, and their, responsibility, scares the hell out of me.
For me it’s one more reminder that we are not a typical family. Other parents talk about the day their chickens finally leave the nest, but I know in my heart that that day may never really come for us. At least not in the way I thought it would when Joe and I started our family.
I always describe myself as being a special needs mom, but in reality we are a special needs family. We have not had to tell our boys to feel responsible for Lizzy, they do that because they love her. I will do all in my power to make sure that our daughter is well cared for, even after we are gone so that our boys never feel they have to help her. But it does warm my heart to know that they want to. As my friend Colleen said, it’s all good.
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Awesome post. Could have written it myself … Right down to our lunch at Friendly’s today. : )
Thank you so much!!! xo
I don’t think I even remember what it’s like to live in a “normal” family any more. Special needs kiddos make life more interesting. 😀
Terrye you are so right! xo
So beautiful and heartwarming. Your family is clearly special in many ways. xo
Ice Scream Mama recently posted…The good old days
You are so sweet!! Thank you so much Alisa! xo
The fact that your boys feel a sense of responsibility to your daughter is merely a testament to how well you’ve shown them to love. Your family is beautiful. Thanks for sharing this.
Karen recently posted…Mum’s imaginary thoughts on Social Media
What a lovely thing to say Karen, thank you! xo
Such a sweet story…and I a great example for families who don’t have special needs. We sometimes take each other for granted and I have seen some get annoyed when asked to help a family member. But, you family has always known to be there for one another. So sweet and precious. Enjoyed the story.
Pam@over50feeling40 recently posted…Evening at the Museum…Worthy of Two Posts!
Pam thank you so much for saying that, I have never thought of it in that way, but you are right. Having a family member with a special need, (whatever that may be) does mean that there is an extra amount of understanding that may not be present otherwise. It’s one of those strange blessings that occur in life! Thanks again!
As well as a great post, that’s a fabulous photo. I LOVE it!
Katie Paul recently posted…My Work in Print
Aww, Kathy straight from the heart and I know in my heart of hearts you are the best mother and that is why your boys are the way the are. I have no doubt Lizzie will be cared for after you are long gone one way or another now. Hugs and beautiful said once again 🙂
Janine Huldie recently posted…Tumble Leaf – Amazon Prime’s Entertaining & Educational Kid’s Show
Thank you, thank you dear friend! Love you!
Beautiful, Kathy. Families do come in all sorts of shapes and sizes- andoat important of all is the love your kids have for each other.
Jennifer Wolfe recently posted…Don’t Ever Let Go Of The Thread
Jennifer thank you so much!! You are right, families do come in all shapes and sizes, that’s a great thing for me to remember! xo
Kathy – it is really so simple….your boys love Lizzy. End of story. xoxo
You’ve raised a family of beautiful souls. Lucky you–and them!
Carol Cassara recently posted…Oh for a book
Carol thank you so much! xo
What a wonderful family. It’s all a reflection of your parenting. You should be so proud.
Sharon Greenthal recently posted…A World War II Love Story for Memorial Day
Thanks Sharon, I really appreciate you saying that. 🙂
Beautiful and breath-taking post, Kathy! What a truly lovely family you have. So proud of you and your boys!
Ava Chin recently posted…The Birth of a Book, Enter Eating Wildly
Ava, you are so sweet dear friend. Thank you! xo
Beautiful. Truly, love knows no boundary, and when we catch a glimpse of that in our children, it’s pure magic. The thing that I also love about this story is the love that Lizzy, by simply being who she is, evokes pure devotion. I am always caught off guard when I am witness to the deciton our children have for one another, your story really touched me, thank you for sharing.
Elin Stebbins Waldal recently posted…A Memorial Day Love Story
Thank you so much for your lovely words Elin! xo
What a beautiful post. Made me tear up; the timing of this message for me is perfect. Thank you.
P.S. Yes, what a special family you have. Says a lot.
Lisa thank you so much. xo
How sweet that your son and her daughter have thought about the future in a way that so many kids have/do not. It’s really something special that they are not only aware but are willing to take on whatever comes. Amazing kids.
Stephanie recently posted…Home
Thank you so much!