My dishwasher's possessed

one mom's attempt to find humor in the chaos

School Daze

By

The last day of school finally came and went. It’s official, we’re on summer break in New York.


The last weeks of school were a blur of plays and parties. One of the highlights was getting to see our daughter, Lizzy, be the announcer of the third grade Rain Forest production. It’s always a thrill to watch any of our children on stage, but when Lizzy went up to the microphone, alone, without her aide next to her, I couldn’t help but swell with pride.


Being the mom of a child with special needs is a strange blessing because it’s not easy to watch your child struggle, yet it’s so exciting when they succeed. 

As I was sitting in Lizzy’s school watching her play, I was reminded of my own school days. It seemed like a great time to take a second look at a post I wrote about a person that was in my life for a very short time, yet someone I think of every time I write the word “Love.” 


This essay was first published under the name Past and Present on this site in February 2011. The dishwasher and I will be back with a new post next week.


When I became a mother, I figured I would lose some of my freedom and maybe even some sleep. I didn’t know I would lose my once sharp memory.

There was a time I could remember things as insignificant as what someone was wearing on a particular day. Now I’m lucky if I can remember what my kids wore yesterday.
I could flip through my memory as if it was a photo album and recall what I wanted when I wanted to. Though those days are gone, there are a few memories that have remained crystal clear to me.
My friend Carol and I lived a few blocks from each other and were in the same afternoon kindergarten class. Carol was my ideal of what a girl should look and be like. Her long brown hair hung down to her waist, and she had the all-American face I wanted for myself. She always looked just right.
If Carol was a polished pearl, I was a diamond in the rough. I couldn’t stay clean if I was kept under glass. Unlike Carol, I couldn’t color in the lines, glue anything neatly, or cut a straight line to save my life. School never came easy for me, and kindergarten was no exception. It wouldn’t be until years later when my dyslexia was discovered and I learned why everything in school was a struggle. But even at the age of five, I knew something was wrong.
I never felt like a misfit when I was with Carol. She liked me for who I was. If someone smart and pretty like her liked me, how bad could I be?
One day in class, we were working on Valentine’s Day cards. I couldn’t figure out how to spell the word love, and I asked her for help. With the skill and patience my teachers sometimes lacked, she taught me how to spell and write the word on my card. I never forgot how to spell it again.
There was another difference between us. Carol was Catholic, and I wasn’t. I got mad at the Catholic Church when the following year she started first grade at Catholic school. We were never classmates again, despite living a few blocks from each other. We rarely saw each other from then on.
I can’t remember if my mother used the word cancer when she told me Carol was sick, but I knew it was serious.
I can still see her that Halloween when she came trick-or-treating. Her beautiful long hair was gone, and she had a little granny cap on. But she was on my front stoop smiling and getting her candy like any other kid.
A few months later I went to her birthday party and brought her a Barbie doll. Since I ripped everything unceremoniously out of its package, I thought it was so odd that she wouldn’t take the plastic off the doll’s hair. Years later, I wondered if she was trying to protect the doll’s hair because she couldn’t protect her own.
I was home sick from school the day my mom got the call that Carol passed away. I was in the third grade and hadn’t seen her for at least a year, but I felt the loss. She must have been about nine. The same age my own daughter is now.
It’s strange to watch your children reach the age you were when a significant event happened in your life. All at once you are confronted with your past, present, and future.
Carol was in my life for such a short time, but the impression she made on me was very deep. Forty years later, I still remember her every time I spell the word love. 

Hard to believe, but it’s only three weeks until the premier issue of Bonbon Break, the online magazine I am starting with my business partner, Val Curtis. I really feel like I’m 10 months pregnant and am so excited.

I want to thank all of you for your support of me and my dishwasher as well as the support I have been getting for my new baby. If you haven’t already, stop over at bonbonbreak.com and sign up for our weekly newsletter. This will ensure that you will get to be one of the first to check out a project I’m very proud of.

 

Comments

  1. Lisa Gradess Weinstein says

    Hi Kathy, thank you for sharing such beautiful memories of your childhood friend. Nothing, upon nothing, can compare to the heartbreak and tragedy of losing a child. My heart aches for Carol’s mother, even after all of these years. Your beautiful words have kept her spirit alive. I wonder, do you still keep in touch with Carol’s family, and if so, have you shared this story with them? My parents have friends who lost a daughter at the age of 4, this happened some 35 years ago. I still think about that adorable little girl every time I see her parents….I suppose memories keep special angels alive.
    All the best!
    Lisa

  2. Kathy Radigan says

    Lisa we moved about a year after she died and we never heard from them again. I doubt they would even remember who I was it was so long ago. It’s so strange because even though I knew her for such a short time she made such an impact on me, I think that is what angels do! Thanks for stopping by, I so appreciate your support each week! xo

  5. Erica Muddled says

    It sounds like you have really good memories. It’s what we take away from our experiences and shape our lives with that matter the most. Thank you for sharing.

  6. Erin says

    Kathy, Carol was a sweet reminder in your life of what love and acceptance is. Look what an impact she had on this earth in only 9 years. You remember her and her gifts to you, all these years later. I wonder how many others remember her like that!
    I signed up for Bonbon Break. I’m so excited for you and Val! Can’t wait to see it!
    Blessings,
    ~Erin

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Erin it always amazes me how big of an impact she had on my life, it really reminds me that sometimes we can change someones life and not even know we did it! Thanks so much for your love and support!!!

  7. Irish Italian Blessings says

    I always say that sometimes the people that are only in our life for such a short time were meant to make the biggest impression. Beautiful reflection today Kathy, thank you for sharing!

  8. maria says

    Love that post as much as the first time. I also love the quote from Irish Italian blessings “sometimes the people that are only in our life for such a short time were meant to make the biggest impression.” That is definitely something to reflect on…

  9. Pepper Tan says

    Carol has definitely made such an impact on you. People like her are to be cherished forever. LOVE will always have a special meaning for you. Now, you have an angel watching over you 🙂
    Thanks for making me stop and reflect on the important people in my life.

  11. ReviewsSheROTE Pamela R says

    so happy for that great moment for Lizzy, and what a wonderful memory you have, I’m blessed to have my BFF from age 3 still in my life, although our lives took different paths for a while-we got back in touch fate would have it when our own daughter were three!!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      I was so happy for Lizzy! Thank you! I think it is so cool that you have your BFF from when you were 3, my sister is like that. Very cool. Thanks for the support!

  12. Shauna Smith says

    Wow that was such a touching post.. Made me tear up.. What a wonderful memory you have of a soul that was here for such a short time! 🙂

  13. Kenya G. Johnson says

    Oh Kathy that gave me goosebumps. I believe the things that happen in our childhood leave a bigger impression than those we experience as adults.

    Just a side note: I didn’t realize I was still smart until I went back to school when my son was three. I thought my brain was shot.

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Thank you Kenya. I agree things that happen in our childhood really do shape us. I think it’s very cool that I could bring her back, if only for a moment. xo

  14. Carla Karam says

    Awe.. Kathy… anything of yours that I read always leaves me in deep thought. Your writing skills are amazing in how you tell a memory and then bring it back full circle. My heart is smiling… oh and all subscribed for Bonbon break! 🙂

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Carla thank you so much. You always make me feel so great!!! And, thanks for subscribing to Bonbon!! I can’t wait to share it with you!

  15. championm2000 says

    For so many reasons, this post stirs up emotion for me. Something tell me I will think of Carol and the Carols in the my life each time I spell LOVE for a while…

    A magazine?? Golly. Look at what I miss when I stay off the computer for a little while.

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Thank you Melissa, the Carol’s in our lives really are special. I’m always amazed at how someone so young made such an impression on me. And yea, see go away a while and you miss so much!! Lol! I can’t wait to share Bonbon Break with you! xo

  16. Christine G says

    Thanks for this wonderful post. I’m so happy that your daughter had a great success with her play. It really is amazing to see what kids can do at different ages and stages. I hope you have a wonderful summer!

  17. crazedinthekitchen.com says

    This was such a touching story, thank you for sharing it. My older son is reaching the age I was when my parents divorced. It gets me thinking a lot about what I might have been like at that age and how that affected me (I don’t remember most of it, thank goodness).

  19. Larri SeamsInspired says

    Thanks for sharing your beautiful friend, Carol, and your heart. We are so blessed to encounter such friends, aren’t we? Very few know early on their purpose & fulfill it as such it makes a lasting impression on us. Your friend, Carol, was one of the few. Excellent post, Kath! Looking forward to my 1st newsletter, too! Happy Wednesday!

  21. Jennifer Wolfe says

    Kathy, this was beautiful. It reminded me so much of an experience my sister had when she was young and one of her friends passed away. Our high school has a scholarship in that girl’s name, and I always check who it was awarded to every year and think about what a sweet child she was. Can’t wait for the Bonbons!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Jennifer thank you so much! It really is strange how people who have been in our life for such a short time can have such an impact on us! Thanks for you support with Bonbon!!! xo

  22. Maria says

    this post brought tears to my eyes and was so beautiful, kathy!
    it is crazy what our memories teach us.
    what an amazing moment that must have been watching lizzy. she is one very blessed little girl. and you are one blessed woman. <3
    xoxoxo
    maria

Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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