Peace has descended on my happy home. My house has recovered from a full day of children running around, bouncing on beds and putting their hands all over the walls.
The air conditioner is humming, and I can hear the occasional creaks from a house that is well loved and well used.
No children are laughing, screaming or asking for bowls of cereal.
This is the time that dreams are made of.
Or more accurately, this is the time I should actually be dreaming, because everyone else is sound asleep.
Everyone but me.
I’m so tired during the day that I could fall asleep while standing with a cup of coffee in my hands.
My eyes have such black rings under them that it took me a whole two minutes to realize that it wasn’t mascara underneath my eyes.
But I can’t give up my midnight rendezvous with someone I don’t get to spend much time with: me.
There is something about the middle of the night that is just too seductive for me to resist.
I don’t have to worry about a call from a school nurse telling me someone is sick. No calls from my teenager, Tom, telling me that he forgot the book that he has to have for English class.
Not even a call from my husband, Joe, telling me his train is late again or asking me if we need milk.
All my chickens are present and accounted for.
I can breathe. A feeling of serenity comes upon me.
Some nights I just lay in my bed listening to music and the sounds of Joe breathing. Sometimes I catch up on a movie or TV show from the DVR.
But mostly I’m on the computer working or communing with other digital moms in blogger nirvana.
When I was growing up in the dark ages before computers and movies on demand, my mother used the hours after midnight to indulge her passion–cleaning.
As a young girl, I would go downstairs to get a drink of water only to end up scaring my mother half to death as she was scrubbing the kitchen floor on her hands and knees–too lost in her own thoughts to hear me approaching from behind.
My sisters and I bruised our shins more times than we’ll ever count because we happened upon mom in the dining room or living room, with the furniture rearranged at 3:00 a.m.
I couldn’t get over how much my mother was able to accomplish while we were sleeping.
I loved the times I would find my mother wide awake and engrossed in some household task. She would greet me with a warm, reassuring smile as she polished the sliver or cleaned out the fridge.
She was a willing and captive audience. I could tell her about my day, or what boy I liked without having to worry about being interrupted by one of my sisters or a call from her office. I loved it.
My mother was a great sport about it. Never once did she complain that I was interrupting her time or make me feel unwanted. For that I thank her.
She might even deserve sainthood for it because now I know how precious the hours between midnight and sunup are for a mom.
As tired as I get and as much as I may regret my lack of sleep the next day, I love and cherish my nightly solitude.
The chance to think a complete thought without a seven-year-old Peter asking to join the circus is hard to give up.
I also love to watch my children sleeping. It doesn’t matter what Tom said to me hours before that had me contemplating boarding school, or the screaming fit from Lizzy, my special needs daughter.
Or the endless, yet entertaining questions Peter asks. At that hour, they look like angels. Their beauty take my breath away.
Memories of little babies lying in my arms fast asleep after a 2:00 a.m. nursing come flooding back.
Back then, when exhaustion takes on a whole new level, I would use my second wind to just hold and rock my baby.
I would will myself to remember the feel of the weight of a sleeping newborn, or the sweet smiles of a six-month-old dreaming.
The time goes by so quickly, every day moving faster than the next. One day, sooner than I care to admit, I won’t need the quiet of a sleepy house to recharge my spirit. My children will be grown and gone.
I guess I’ll sleep then.
For now I will enjoy my peaceful sleepy house. And remember to buy a better concealer for those under eye circles.
I so know how you feel. I tend to stay up later then I always wanted to. My youngest goes to bed late still, but my oldest has his bed time. I cherish my night-time.
When you mentioned watching your kids sleep, I can so relate! I have sat with tears in my eyes, watching my little Jeremiah and Noah. (Happy tears mind you, because the emotions of being a mother can take hold of you)They have grown SO much. I remember when Jeremiah was a baby. Noah still feels like one. 😉 Time does slip away though.
And when you find a great concealer, let me know k? haha I have those circles under my eyes too! 😉
Thanks so much!! They really do grow up way too fast!!! I always love to read your comments Sarah! When I find a miracle concealer you will be the first to know!! Lol!!
I can only truly relax when they are all in bed, and I know I need to go to sleep, but there is just that joy of doing nothing but playing on the computer and watching t.v. With that being said, I am now going to bed:)
P.S. Bare Minerals make some super awesome concealer!
Liz it’s so great to hear from you!!! It’s funny isn’t it, I can only relax too when they are all safely tucked in bed. Good for you for going to bed!! Yea you!!! Hope all is well with you and your family. I can’t believe your baby is almost 1!! Yikes!! Sending much love!! xo
I always enjoyed baking in the night hours. It was hard to keep the wee ones in bed with cinnamon rolls baking in the oven. Your comments have brought back a flood of my own memories. Now that most of my chicks are grown and moved out, I treasure those memories even more and remind myself that even though my grown-up sons are bringing me sorrow and grief, they were once my sweet little ones. I can love them just as much now as I did then.
Becky I’m so sorry you are going through a tough time with your sons. I guess a mother’s work is never really done, they really do own a piece of our hearts. My mom would bake sometimes at night too, but she cleaned more!! Sending much love!! xo
thanks for the love!
Kathy, every so often, perhaps once a month, I’ll wake up early on a Sunday morning and just relish the solitude while my loved ones sleep, so I completely understand! You are so right about them leaving the nest…but you won’t sleep then, because you’ll still be thinking about them!!
Thanks for another great story!
Lisa
Lisa both you and Becky have really put a damper on my plan to sleep when my darlings leave the nest!! Lol!! Thanks so much for your always lovely comments! Sending much love! xo
I have to say I get this post 1000% I’m fine with about 4/5 hours of sleep -as long as I can grab a 15 minute nap in the afternoon- I’ve always ben this way–as a kid I’d get up about 4:30/5:00 and rearange my bedroom!!!
Now I blog =) I love the sound of the chirpping birds an NOTHING else!!!!
God Bless
I have never been a great sleeper myself but it’s different now that I have kids! I wish I could do the nap thing but I’m a terrible napper! Thanks so much for dropping by! I always love to read your comments. xo
Good night… 🙂
Thanks!!! xo
My special time is early morning as the sun rises. I sit out back on our patio with my coffee and listen to the birds come alive in the tress, and I know that for those few minutes, everything is perfect in my little world 🙂
I love those moments too!! Thanks so much for dropping by Jenn! xo
Heh Heh!!! I can’t count the number of times I have rearranged the furniture in the middle of the night. I finally had to stop because my husband would come home from working at the hospital and crash into something at two or three in the morning… not exactly fun after 20 hours on his feet. So now, I make the teens help me move furniture! 🙂
Oh you are one of those mom’s!!! Lol!! Thanks for the visit! xo
This sounds so wonderful, Kathy, it makes me want to stay up later! I’m an early riser myself and like to get up before the rest of the house when I feel refreshed…and have forgotten the comments from my kids that make me want to ship them off. 🙂 This was so well written Kathy, and inspiring. Thanks!
Thank you so much for the sweet comments!! I do need to get up before my kids too or I just don’t feel on top of the whole day thing. Thanks again!
I agree-that time late at night when no one else is up is pure bliss-it’s the time I get the most accomplished. Sure it’s makes us tired, but it’s worth it.
You are right Heather, it is worth it!! Thanks! xo
I only get to experience those sweet peaceful nights when the Husband is out of town, because he’s more of a night owl than myself. lol.
I don’t miss getting up to feed the baby at 2 am, but I do however miss that sweet peaceful time of holding her in the calm of the night with nothing to interrupt. Night is such a beautiful time and you described it perfectly!
I really do miss the baby times too, but you are right the crazy schedule of a baby is something I don’t miss! Thanks! xox
I have the same nightly ritual after everyone has gone to sleep. I feel so much more productive in the middle of the night and I have the best ideas after midnight. I think it’s common among our kind (bloggerland) I love that you referred to them as chickens, I call my daughter that all the time! Great post!
You are right bloggerland does seem to attract those of us who stalk the midnight hours!!! My mom always called us chicken, so I think that’s where I got it from, did your mom do the same thing? xo
Blogger nirvana! Ha! I love that. From a fellow non sleeper who often sees 1 a.m. I totally hear you. I remember reading Kristen von Ogtrop’s book Just Let Me Lie Down when my older son was a newborn -(I actually read books then – but that was before blogger nirvana or purgatory?) I loved it then, but it has special meaning now.
For parents tired is the new black.
Thanks Keesha, you are right, hard to know whether it’s nirvana or purgatory!!! I love that for parents “tired is the new black” that’s great!!!
I am with you on enjoying the peace and solitude of night. It is my time to just mellow out and feel whatever I’m feeling in peace.
I loved that you said sometimes you can just listen to Joe breathe. You’re awesome, Kathy.
You inspire me and give me strength with your posts, your thoughts and all your stories. I can’t thank you enough for all your encouragement.
Sending you so so much love and wishing you a beautiful day, my friend.
Xoxoxo
Maria
My sweet friend, please know my thoughts and prayers are with you! Thank you so much for stopping by and always making my day with your great comments!! xox
I didn’t have ‘me time’ until I started writing. Now I have ‘Doctor in Session’ sort of hour of concept. Of course, with kids, there is always the exception to the rule and mine will come in whenever they need to. I do try to ignore them and pretend I don’t see them standing there staring me down, but it never works. 🙂
Brenda I so agree that the best “me time” is writing time. You are also right that ignoring the little dears does noting to deter them!! xo
I am very impressed. I was always too tired and unwilling to give up my sleep for anything, even for me. I used to plan to get up early but could never do it — that was my mistake, not realizing that I should just stay up later. Ah, well. Now, I frequently stay up late reading or doing something and just suffer through the next day no matter what. Wish I’d had this post 30 years ago when I was starting out.
Thea you are much smarter than me, I should be sleeping, I would be much nicer during the day!!!! Thanks so much for your support, it means so much to me!! xox
Yep, yes, uh huh.. yes. I nodded through this whole post. Except for the mother cleaning at night, It’s the story of my life.
I get the same warm, wonderful feelings you described as I tuck my boys in to bed. It doesn’t matter what they have done throughout the day – when they are lying in their beds, with heavy eyelids, all I see are sweet little cherubs. 😉
I’m up late every night, too. The still and the quiet seems strange – but blissful. My poor body (that spent the whole day yearning for sleep) suddenly wakes up at about 9PM. I blame it on 12 years of night shift working – but I won’t deny that I enjoy “the solitude hours”.
I should be more like your mother, and do some cleaning… but I don’t think that’s going to happen.
Catherine I should be a lot more like my mother when it comes to cleaning too! I did not get that gene!!! Thanks so much I always love to see your comments on the dishwasher!! xoxo
—You write beautifully.
Sleep well tonight, dear. Xx
Thank you so much!!! Since I love your writing you really made my day! xo
I’m with you on this one! I enjoy my “me” time. Although, I don’t think I always spend it that wisely. I am nothing like your mother. I am going to try to be like her for the rest of the week. If my kids won’t go to bed, I’m not going to get frustrated or yell. I hope. Man, I’m nowhere near as good as your mom! I’ll try. 🙂 I never used to be mad about the middle of the night feedings and wakings. I took it as an extra chance to hold onto them. I have no idea what’s happened since! Have a great Wednesday.
I have to say I’m very impressed with how nice my mom was, I don’t think I’m always that nice!! Thanks so much for dropping by!
I love this blog entry! I wish I could function on very little sleep…like Oprah, Martha Stewart, or my fabulous blogging friend Kathy. The other day (a weekend day) I did wake up VERY early and didn’t go back to sleep. I crept downstairs to drink a cup of coffee and catch up on tv programs that I would feel guilty watching on a busy day. It was heavenly! I didn’t feel guilty because I would have been sleeping anyway.
You are so funny Maria!!! You didn’t say which programs you watched so now I’m going to have to guess!!!! Love you! xo
nice idea.. thanks for posting.
Thank you!
Perhaps it’s because it’s late at night and I really SHOULD be asleep, but your post makes me a little melancholy. Thoughts of my own mother cleaning as yours did – waking up in the morning to such cleanliness was practically magical! And I miss those nights nursing my babes – although often at the time I was desperately tired and wishing they would just sleep.
I treasure my evenings alone too. And yet, I love knowing the house is filled with my loved ones sleeping peacefully. Guess I should try and get some sleep now too.
Thanks for a wonderful read!
It’s so funny how many women remember their own moms cleaning in the middle of the night! I do not use my time for that!! Thanks so much for dropping by!
Oh, how we all need that time!
For me, it’s getting up earlier, having my coffee and computer time before it’s breakfast, dressing everyone in time to get out the door, and work (after the work)!
I don’t know how you do it, getting everyone and out the door then going to “work”!! You are a superstar!!!
There is something so special about alone time (and I don’t even have kids). I prefer to wake up early… I find nothing better than waking up really early (before 5:30) and making a cup of coffee, enjoying the quiet and my laptop….
It’s amazing how much you can get done in the morning isn’t it! I love to hop on the computer and see so many of my blogging friends on as well in the wee hours!! xo
There’s something so calming about this post Kathy….so I guess mission accomplished! If your mom was cleaning up and working while you guys were asleep, when does she ever get some rest?? Mothers are really amazing and magical creatures!
I can relate to this post in so many ways, Kathy! Midnight is Me-Time! I’ve been known to sew, paint, blog, bake and craft into the wee hours, and it does’t matter how tough it is to hear that alarm go off in the morning, I wouldn’t trade those nights for anything. 🙂