My dishwasher's possessed

one mom's attempt to find humor in the chaos

Freefall

By

I have always had a secret wish to jump out of an airplane and skydive. 


The idea of flying for even a few seconds before my parachute opens up and takes me safely to the ground seems not only exciting but romantic.


I imagine the world out in front of me. Feeling the air on my face, my heart beating wildly as adrenaline pumps through my veins. 


A part of me yearns for the exhilarating feeling of being one with the sky.


As much as I may read about skydiving, and love to hear stories from people who have done it, I will never really know what it’s like till I try it myself.


There are just some things you have to experience for yourself.


Parenting tops the list.


I thought of this as I was driving our youngest Peter, 7, to his first play date without me.


Seven might seem a tad old for this milestone, especially since he is my youngest and I’ve been through this before. 


But, Peter’s speech delay and some of his more eccentric behaviors made waiting till he was ready a must. Though not officially on the autism spectrum, he does have his share of sensory issues that make life interesting. 


The years of hard work Peter has done in speech, physical and occupational therapy are really starting to pay off.  He is learning to deal with the world on the world’s terms and has been having a great year in school.  


That didn’t stop me from having a mini anxiety attack.


All of a sudden I think of something that should have occurred to me before.What if they have a dog? Peter has a very big fear of dogs. He gets upset at even the mere mention of the word dog.


Now I’m beating myself up. Why didn’t I check on this before? I could have prepared him. 


I pull into the driveway, and Peter’s friend runs out to us. 


Peter is very happy and out we go, leaving Tom and Lizzy in the van as we walk up to the house.


Then Peter stops short of the front door.


“I’m not going in. I want to go home.” He says this very matter of factly. No crying.


“Peter, your friend is so happy you are here, let’s go.”


“They have a dog.”


“How do you know they have a dog?”


I notice a garden statue of a dog on their lawn. 


With that, Jane, the boy’s mother, comes out on her porch and greets us with a warm smile.


“Hi, by the way do you have a dog?” I say this very calmly with a big smile on my face.


“Yes, we do, we have two. Do you want to see them?” Jane said this very excitedly like this was a big selling point.


“I”m not going in,” says a very adamant Peter.


Memories of dealing with my first child, now 13, flood back to me. All the times I had to talk a younger Tom “off the ledge” whenever a Josh Groban song came on the radio when we were at a restaurant or store.


My daughter Lizzy’s special needs are so significant, the boys’ sensory issues pale in comparison. But they do keep me on my toes.


Now, I’m no push-over. I’ve been dealing with eccentric behaviors for 13 years. But I also know that if I don’t handle this carefully, there are bigger implications. I want Peter to know he can handle the big world on his own, and I don’t want him to be embarrassed in front of his friend.


I say softly, as sweet as I can, “Move your tail, you will be fine, we will deal with this.”


Jane, noticing that dogs may not be such a welcome thing, promises to put the dogs outside.


Peter looks at me and realizes this is one of those situations where he is going to have to just go through with it. 


We walk in and once Peter realizes the dogs are in fact outside he starts running around with his friend. Jane and I decide all looks good, so I say I’ll be back in about an hour and out I go.


I get in my minivan and I can feel my heart and the familiar feeling of anxiety come upon me. I thought I was hiding it pretty well until Tom turns to me.


“Mom, why are you freaking out? This isn’t your first kid.”


“I know,” I said, laughing that he could read my mind.


“Mom, Peter is going to be fine. You were never this nervous when I went on a play date.”


I looked at him for a moment. “Are you nuts? Of course I was.”


“Why were you nervous?”


Tom has learned to deal with his sensory issues to the point that nobody would ever know he ever had them. But it wasn’t always the case.


“Tom, have we forgotten all the little things that use to freak you out, like opera?”


“Oh, yeah. I forgot.”


“Well, a mom never forgets.” 


“Well, I’m not worried about Peter. I used to worry about him and Lizzy all the time, but not anymore.”


It’s true too, he does worry about them. It doesn’t seem to matter that I have never lost a kid in my life. His father and I are always reminding him that we are the parents and he does not need to worry about his siblings.


“Well, honey that’s great. But you are his brother. I’m the mom. I’m  responsible for all three of you. I love you all so much and want to make sure you are all safe and happy.”


“Wow, that’s a lot of responsibility… I don’t think I will ever have kids.”


We both start laughing. 


About an hour later we pick up a very happy Peter. He feels very good about himself. The mom reports that all went well.


I get back in my minivan. A feeling of relief washes over me, the endorphins kick in as I realize that Peter has accomplished this big task. He has a huge smile on his face. He is very proud of himself.


I take a deep breath, feeling pretty darn happy myself.


Maybe I will try skydiving next.  

Comments

  1. Susi says

    Isn’t it true that we as parents are usually more anxious about a new situation our children encounter than they themselves are? I worry about this all the time… we’ve had a lot of firsts this year with the kids switching schools and I always freak myself out. But in the end it always seems to work out ok. So glad, Peter enjoyed himself at his first playdate by himself!!! 🙂

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Thanks so much Susi!! It’s true they sail threw most things while we are still biting our nails!! Thanks so much for the sweet comments and the visit! xo

  2. Rosann says

    No motherhood is not for the faint of heart! So glad Peter enjoyed his play date despite the dogs. :-). This was so sweet to read Kathy!

    Hugs,
    Rosann

  3. Maria says

    what an awesome moment you shared with tom on your ride!! i loved that he said he’s not having kids…lol…too funny. you will have to remind him of that someday.
    i’m so glad that peter had a great playdate!
    your rock, kathy! you’re so brave and strong.
    i say you try that skydiving soon 🙂
    have a wonderful monday <3
    xoxo
    maria

    • Kathy Radigan says

      After writing that I want to try it, I may just have to do it! Maybe for my 50th birthday (still 4 years away, so it gives me time!!)! Thanks so much for the visit and sweet comments! I love to see your sweet words each week! Much love to you!

  4. Melissa says

    I hope you’re just as proud of yourself as you are of Peter. Parenting has brought on so much anxiety, I think my heart has a new permanent location in my throat. After all this, skydiving should be a cinch, huh? 🙂 So glad the play date worked out and Peter is happy.

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Melissa it is amazing isn’t it, the anxiety that you feel! Rosann is right, it’s not for the faint of heart! I think skydiving might be a breeze now!! xoxo

  5. Rebecca Hawkes says

    Great post! “Well, a mom never forgets.” So true! Skydiving would be a piece of cake compared to parenting. Hugs to you for all you do to support your children as the move through the challenges, big and small, of growing up. 🙂

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Doesn’t it feel like it really would be a piece of cake after all we go through with our kids!!! Thanks so much for the visit and kind words! It means so much to me! xoxo

  6. Sarah says

    So glad it went well! It still amazes me how much your Peter reminds me of my son Jeremiah. Lately he is freaking out over anyone coughing or sneezing. He will get a concerned scared look on his face and after lets say I have sneezed he says “Mommy, are you happy?” I say yes honey I am happy! Then he is ok. It’s really weird. But I am going with it. *sigh* No kidding! Being a parent tops those adrenaline rushes! The rushes we get when a child gets into a situation that they almost bonk their head on the end table, start to choke on a piece of food, smash their finger on something. OH yes, we get those rushes. 😉 But then the rushes of pure joy, when your Peter gets through his first play date without you. 🙂 I am very happy for him! 🙂

    • Kathy Radigan says

      They really keep you on your toes Sarah! The plus is that I think the kids like my Peter and your Jeremiah keep you laughing and are just so darn cute! They are also too smart for their own (and ours) good!! Thanks so much for your visit and support, I always love to see your comments.

  7. Ashleigh says

    When we had kids it was very intentional and we felt that we were truly ready. Ready for all those things people warn you about, the sleepless nights, the money woes…all of it. As ready as you can be. What I was NOT prepared for was the level of anxiety I would permanently have!

    Great story, I’m so excited for you and Peter!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Ashleigh, we too were extremely prepared for our children coming on an intellectual level but you are right nothing really ever prepares you for the level of anxiety that comes with those beautiful babies!!! Much love!!

  9. Kenny Bodanis says

    Kathy, you are champ. All I’m thinking is your kids are lucky to be taking their cues from the mom they have. Congratulations on your son’s new milestone…one of millions more to come:)

  10. Kenya G. Johnson says

    You know – putting your child in a position that you have to leave them (for their own good) is a sky diving feeling on the heart. I’ve never been sky diving, but I imagine that anxiety and heart clutching emotion is the same (Peter looks at me and realizes this is one of those situations where he is going to have to just go through with it. ) Awwww. So glad he had fun! Whew!

  11. Elisabeth Hirsch says

    Every time I read your blog I’m reminded of what a fantastic mother and woman you are. Your kids are so lucky.

    I went skydiving last year. You HAVE to go. It was AMAZING. I keep dreaming about it LOL! I would go again in a heartbeat. 🙂

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Elisa thank you so much!!!! Next time my kids complain about me I’m going to have them read your lovely comments!!

      I think it’s so cool that you did go skydiving. It might be something I have to plan for the big 50 (4 years from now!) xoxo

  12. Susan says

    I so agree with Elisabeth above. You are amazing.
    And I wouldn’t sky dive if my life depended on it. So there’s that too. 😉

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Susan thank you so much, you guys make me feel great!!! No go on the skydiving? I don’t know, how much harder can it be from the perils of parenting!!! xo

  13. Lisa Gradess Weinstein says

    Kathy, the only way I would skydive is if someone threatened to hurt my daughter! Skydiving pales in comparison to witnessing your child in pain, and learning to let go! So glad that Peter had fun!!! By the way, do you watch the show Parenthood? One of my favorite shows and it has a very realistic story line about a child with autism.
    Loved your blog, as always!
    Lisa

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Lisa I have never seen Parenthood, but the show “In the Middle” has a character who is the youngest child named Brick, and he really reminds us of Peter, he is also hysterical. I don’t know Lisa I may try the skydiving thing for the big 50, which is 4 years away. I think we were born the same year, want to try it with me?!!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Courtney you don’t think you would try it? I don’t know, I’m not ready to do it now, but maybe in a few years. It would make a great blog post!! Lol!

  15. crazedinthekitchen.com says

    It’s always so nerve-wracking to watch our little ones (no matter their age!) face a challenge. It’s very hard for me to let them struggle, which they need to do to grow. This post was a good reminder for me that it’s not always the best decision to step in and rescue our kids. I was so happy for you to hear that your son was so proud of himself and his milestone!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      I think it is one of the hardest things we have to do as parents, letting them walk through their fear to get to the other side. I hate it, but some days you just know you have a “do or die” situation. But it never really gets easy!! At least for me! xo

    • Kathy Radigan says

      You are so right, Tom really is growing up so fast and I can see the glimpses of the man he is going to be. Thanks for the sweet words, you are the best!! xo

  17. championm2000 says

    Wow. This is a story that has so many layers. I agree that parenting is like skydiving in that to understand the feeling completely, you have to experience it. I thank God every day that he blessed me by “pushing me out of the parenthood plane.” HA!

    I find myself, even though my two are yound, worrying about how they will interact and feel, and you capture that apprehension so beautifully here. And, Tom. Well, let’s just say I hope that Em and Drew both have the same level of empathy and protectiveness.

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Melissa you are so right in the fact that it is a blessing to be pushed out of the plane of parenthood. It’s good for me to remember it!!! Thank you for the lovely comments I really appreciate it! I look forward to reading all about Emily and Drew growing up on your great site!! Much love to you!

  18. Val @ Mental Chew says

    I went skydiving in Vegas…with one of the Flying Elvises strapped to my back…who asked me out right before our jump. Oh dear. I highly suggest it (skydiving, not the Flying Elvis part), the adrenaline kick is unlike anything I have ever experienced and it lasted all night. Thank goodness we were in Vegas! The funny thing is, I don’t think I could do it again. Since these two little people have made their way into my life, I have lost my tendency to do this variety of activities. I love that you were able to make the jump with Peter and Tom recognized it. Letting our babes slowly fly free is what we are supposed to do, right? Who knew it would be so hard after tending to their every need? Another beautiful post lovely lady. XO

    • Kathy Radigan says

      I didn’t know you went skydiving with Elvis!! So cool! It is so hard to let our kids fly Val, you are right. But it is all worth it when you see how happy they are with themselves. That feeling of accomplishment they have when they face a fear is worth all the work it takes to get them there!! Much love my dear friend!! xo

  21. Thrifty Frog says

    Hallelujah for Peter! He stepped out and proved to himself that this could be done! And, good for you that you encouraged him to go. Thank you for sharing that story for those of us who don’t have the experience that you do.
    I’m a new follower hopping from VoiceBoks. The Thrifty Blog Frog http://thriftyfrogblog.blogspot.com.
    Huge green hugs,
    Pat @ Thrifty Frog Blog.

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Thanks so much for the visit Pat! And, the very kind words. It feels great when you see your children accomplish something they want to! I’m enjoying your site as well! Great to “meet” you!

  23. leigh says

    YOu are an inspiration to the rest of us Kathy. YOu are such a patient and kind mother. I am so proud that the play date went so well, despite the dogs!It’s cute how your older son doesn’t remember the things that plaqued him. Shows how resilient kids are!
    Leigh
    http://www.oneandoneequalstwinfun.com

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Leigh the kids seldom remember what their difficulties were, but as the mom you will remember, and have the gray hair to prove it!! Lol! Thanks so much for the visit and kind words. It’s very easy to be a great mother on my site!! xo

  24. Not Your Ordinary Agent says

    Good golly Kathy! You’re just so awesome. This was a wonderful story that taught me to get over my issues about my big little one. Thank you. 🙂 I don’t think I’ll go sky diving though! lol!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      I can’t get you to try it with me, hey Becky?!!! Well, I have to be honest, I can’t imagine it being any harder than all that I have done with the kids!! Lol! Much love my friend!

  25. Our Village is a Little Different says

    And then, there was the crazy lady who gushed all over Twitter about a blog she loved so much, then read a post and said to herself, “I have to leave a comment when I’m not on my phone!” and forgot, completely!

    I wanted to wait for a real keyboard, because I had to tell you – my sons were terrified of dogs for a long time. Our neighbor’s untrained German Shepherd jumped over our fence and tried to eat our cat in front of their faces. Then it bit me when I tackled it. to save the cat (yes, this is my life)

    They missed out on quite a bit of fun, but little by little, they overcame it. They would timidly walk up to dogs on leashes and pet the friendly ones. Then, go to a party if a dog was locked in a basement, or outside. Then, one day, after a talk very much like this, we braved it, and had a wonderful day. By the end of it, they were playing with the dogs, and cried when it was time to leave!

    I was so stoked to read your story! You’re such a good mom. =)

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Catherine I love to hear about your boys, it gives me so much hope!!! Your experience with the dog sounds horrible though, I could understand why your boys were afraid of dogs. I have no idea why Peter is, but it’s funny this week we were in our van waiting to get Tom from school and a big dog walked by and he just smiled. I was happy for him, because I think he must be proving to himself that although he is afraid, it doesn’t have to dictate how he does his life!! That’s something it took me years to find out for myself!!! Much love to you!! Thanks for all the support it means the world to me!!

  26. Michele says

    You’re an inspiration, Kathy. I’m so glad you found me so I could find you. Thank you for your vulnerability, sharing your heart. It’s a great reminder what a massive and sometimes overwhelming role Mommie is. I live your heart for your children. Well done!

  27. Anne @ Green Eggs and Moms says

    Kathy did you really need more comments here? Haha. But I love your conversation with Tom, he sounds like an amazing kid. And uhh, will you update us on the “not having any kids” bit when he’s about 25?

    • Kathy Radigan says

      Yes Anne I did need more comments, especially if it means I get to hear from you dear friend who likes to tease me!! Lol!! xoxo It’s so funny about Tom’s comment because my husband was not sure about children for the same reason. He loved kids, and wanted a family but he realized what an awesome task it is and it overwhelmed him a bit. As you can see we got over that one since we have three, and if he had his way we would have 20 more!! xo

Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
J9 Designs