When you were growing up, did you ever know a family that seemed to do everything right? The children were always on their best behavior and looked neat and clean. The family was always on time for every function, and the husband and wife never argued.
Well, my family is just like this.
My children are absolute angels, and my husband and I have never said a cross word to each other in 19 years of marriage.
Yesterday, when we took the family on an outing to the movies to see The Lorax, everything went according to plan, like it always does.
Joe and I even blew kisses to each other as we helped the children get ready and into the car.
As we were driving, we kept exchanging romantic looks to each other and smiling just because we were in each other’s presence.
We are the most organized family I know and can manage to get out of the house with time to spare.
But we know another family.
This family is somewhat disorganized.
(Well the wife is not, but the husband is.)
Personally, I think the wife is a saint as she deals with the absolute chaos of the house while her husband is running errands and doing the shopping.
They, too, decided to take their family to see The Lorax yesterday.
Unlike our family, this family took a long time getting ready:
Mom: “We are going to be leaving for the movie in 20 minutes. Please put your socks and shoes on.”
Youngest son: “I want to go to the movies.”
“Yes, we are getting ready now. Do you have your socks and shoes on?”
“Yes. Can we go to the movies?”
Ten minutes later:
“We are going to be leaving in 10 minutes. I hope everyone else has their socks and shoes on, teeth brushed, and has used the bathroom.”
Mom to daughter: “Will you please let me do your hair… Don’t run away from me… Don’t you want to go the movie… Oh for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, will you just stand still so I can do you hair?”
Five minutes later:
“We are leaving in five minutes. Is everybody ready?”
Mom looks at oldest son who is totally engrossed with his iPod.
“You have no socks or shoes on, don’t you want to go?”
“Oh, are we leaving now? OK.”
“Have you seen my shoes?”
Mom’s saintliness is beginning to fray.
The youngest son starts in with his pleas and whining.
“Can we go to the movies? I want to go to the movies. I want to eat popcorn.”
“Yes honey, we will be doing that. Now let’s move away from the whining. No whining at the movies.”
“OK mommy. I need a hug.”
The mom regains her cool and gets everybody ready with plenty of time to spare.
The husband is nowhere to be seen.
“Honey we are all ready to go. Let’s go, we don’t want to be late.”
“I’m ready. I will be right there.”
The mom gets everyone in the car and makes sure all seat belts are in place.
The family waits very patiently for the husband.
Well the kids aren’t that patient.
In fact the kids are starting to get nervous that they are going to be late to yet another movie.
The youngest child starts to whine though he promised he would not.The oldest child has now calculated the exact mileage and the time it will take to reach the movie theater. He has decided that they will never make it in time to see the movie. This freaks out the younger son.
St. Mom tries to keep everyone in one piece, though her patience is starting to wear thin again.
The husband finally gets into the car and off they go.
Sort of.
The husband announces that they need to stop off at the library to drop off a book that happens to be due that day.
“There is no time. It’s no big deal if it’s one day late,” mom says, hoping to regain some calm in the car.
“I don’t want to pay the fine.”
“It’s only a dime.”
“I don’t want to pay a fine. Even if it’s only a dime.”
The mom is left in the car with her three children while her husband returns the book inside the library because he does not trust the easy drop off box. The kids are getting very nervous as they see the time.
Husband walks out of the library very calm and happy that he has accomplished his mission. He can’t for the life of him understand why his family is so uptight.
Mom is now extremely frustrated. Thoughts of running off to Hawaii with George Clooney start to sound very good.
“Honey, please lets get going, the children are getting very impatient. They really want to see this movie.”
The husband continues with his very calm manner while saying it will be fine and that they will make it in plenty of time.
“I don’t know, I really don’t think we are going to make it.”
“Yes we will.”
The mom has lost all her cool and has now moved into full nagging wife mode. A mode the husband always loves and responds to so well.
“I don’t know why it takes you forever to get out of the house. The kids get very nervous if they think they are going to be late.”
Husband’s voice gets calmer the more his wife’s voice gets louder and higher pitched.
“We are not going to be late.”
Twenty minutes later all hell is starting to break loose because now the children have realized that the family is lost and that the husband does not know where he is.
The wife knows the best way to help the situation is to really lose it.
“Why did you pick this theater if you didn’t know how to get to it? We are going to miss the movie.”
Youngest child starts to cry that he will never see The Lorax.
The mom continues her rant, bringing up the point that the family is always late because of her husband.
“We are never going to make it. Why do you insist that you know where you are going when you so clearly don’t?”
Her husband stays calm, though he is getting frustrated as well.
“We wont’ miss the movie.”
“Yes we will, we still have to park. We will never make it. Why must we always be late to things?”
Ten minutes later and one stop to ask someone where they are the family finally makes it to the movie theatre.
Just like the wife said there would be, there is no parking.
All three children are upset. The mom is very angry. The husband is not at all thrilled with his wife, but he still acts calm.
The family finally makes it to the movie just as the opening credits start. The husband goes to get popcorn and sodas, leaving mom with her three children.
The family starts to calm down. Soon the kids and even the mom get very engrossed in the movie.
Oldest son: “Where is Dad?”
Youngest son: “I want popcorn.”
Mom gives her children her most you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me-look and says that the dad went to get them popcorn.
“That was almost 15 minutes ago. Do you think he is OK? Maybe something happened to him?”
“Nothing happened… he’s fine… watch the movie.” This is said in a whisper through a forced smile.
The husband comes back with popcorn and sodas for the children. All is right with the world as the family enjoys the movie.
Of course, my perfect family also enjoyed the movie and had a lovely, relaxing time.
Joe and I even held hands remembering our dating life and marveling at the family we created.
When we got out of our seats there wasn’t one kernel of popcorn on the floor or the seats. It looked like we had never even sat down. We left the movie holding hands basking in our perfection.
The other family got up and it looked like a pack of wild dogs had gotten a hold of the popcorn. Either that or a bomb had gone off without them knowing it.
Their children looked pretty happy though.
And, I think I saw the husband and wife smile at each other.
one mom's attempt to find humor in the chaos
Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
My family is like yours. My husband and I are very into routine and structure and we always communicate perfectly. The kids are great and we never leave a mess behind us. I know a family, however, that is much like that family you described. Constant chaos, frustration and “wild dog-like” behavior. I watch them with awe and confusion, completely clueless how they can live like that. And yet, they are happy, the children are happy, and their lives continue without a desire to change. They actually seem to prefer it that way, looking at us like our structure is pointless and uptight. The differences in people and families is certainly amazing. God must have had a plan when He created such a mix!
Jenn it is amazing how those poor families without our perfect structure are able to survive!! Lol! Thank you so much for your great comment and your visit!! Much love!
This mess is too funny! I think our morning getting ready for church was very, very similar to this. I love that you blogged from two points of view: the “For Real” and the “Ain’t Ever Gonna Happen”!!
Liz I love how you said the Perfect family was the “Ain’t ever gonna happen”! It would be nice once though!! Lol! Of course than I wouldn’t have anything to blog about. xo
How funny! Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, my husband is one of those people who always wants to be early so he would be the one sitting in the car waiting for me. Honestly, I can’t remember what it was like when I had to get five kids into the car for the movies .. I conveniently have amnesia when it comes to unpleasant memories.
I do remember those perfect families though .. always made me feel very inadequate. ah well. such is life.
Thea I think after 5 kids you deserve amnesia where the crazy memories come in to play!! Lol! It’s so good to know that you survived, that means there is still hope for me!! Thanks so much for dropping by, your support means so much to me!
Love it. My family is definitely the first one, HA! Hope you have a wonderful week.
So is mine Karen!! Lol!!xo
Hmmm, that second family sounds very familiar! At our house we are always running back inside after we are all in the car because someone, invariably, forgot something. If you do go to Hawaii with George, can I come with you?
Lisa
http://www.lisagradessweinstein.blogspot.com
Of course you can come with me and George to Hawaii!! We can make it a big party!! Lol! You know the second family too? Don’t you feel bad for those poor souls! Lol!! Much love!!
what a fun post… and you and Joe are too cute
Thanks Hillary! It’s funny but I have wanted to do a post about our marriage and Joe always says no way. So on Saturday when I was ready to scream I was joking that I really wanted to write about it. Then I said what if I write about another family, not us! When he was editing this one he was laughing so hard! Thanks for the support! Love ya!
Your Peter is so cute! He reminds me so much of my oldest! “Mommy, Nana house!” “Yes Honey we are going, but you need to get your shoes one” tears start to come, “Go Nana House!” (he’s 3), “Yes yes, we ARE going, you’ve got to get your shoes on, we ARE going!” omgosh! lol
Sweet Chaos. 🙂
Whenever I read about your Jeremey he always reminds me of my Peter, if that was who I was talking about Sara, I’m not admitting that you see!! Lol!! Thanks! xo
Love this!! Very funny…and it sounds like my family. Obviously, I’m referring to the fabulous, perfect family. (ha!!)
Of course you were talking about the fabulous perfect family, I wouldn’t think anything else!! Lol!! Thanks so much for your visit and support!!
Love it!!! 🙂
Thanks so much Kristina!
Kathy… Kathy… Kathy… You always have a way of putting a smile on my face! Hysterical!! Miss you girl!
Thanks you so much Carla! Miss you too!
Good thing we’re JUST like family number one! (NOT!) Even more fun are shower times–imagine trying to shower 7 little tiny people (well, some are not so tiny on the outside anymore, heh) taking turns with 1 shower? If you haven’t tried it yet, I suggest you do–it’ll make the rest of your life seem like a breeze! 🙂
Ang I don’t know how you do it, I’m ready to go crazy just ushering 3 into the shower!! I know you are just like me and are so much more like family number 1! Don’t you just feel sorry for the “other family”!! Lol!! xo
Oh girl, this is so hilarious. It sounds just like us going to the movies. No matter how I plan somehow we end up late. Just remember the Lorax said no cutting down trees; he didn’t say anything about returning from the movies less one family member! ha!
Shannon I missed the part where I could leave a family member!! Lol!! You are so funny! Thanks! It’s nuts going to the movies isn’t it. I mean if I was like the other family, but since I’m just like family number 1 it’s a breeze!! Lol!! Much love to you!
I don’t know how my Mom got all 7 of us to the movies now that I think about it. I remember she would put food in her purse though, which is the most rebellious thing I think my Mom has probably ever done…ever! I’m sure I just don’t know though, right;)
I remember my mom doing the same thing! It’s crazy now, just for the 5 of us to go to the movie, not even the 3D one, it was about 100, half of that was for the 3 popcorn’s and the soda’s. It’s nuts! But we did have fun!! Thanks for the visit!
Okay, I’ve read the pack of wild dogs with the popcorn three times now and I have laughed out loud each time. Funny post! What is with the leaving now that no one understands!?! Ellen
Ellen, darn if I know!! Lol! A girl can dream can’t she!?!! Lol! Thanks so much for dropping in, I really appreciate it!
Haha This is funny!!! I think our family is in between. My husband is the “last minute” leave everything to the mom(me) to get ready. Which…no matter how much I plan doesn’t always go smoothly.But hey it’s ok, that’s life. We balance each other out though, my patience vs, his lesser than, when I’m up, he’s down, when I’m down he’s up..Kinda funny. Thankfully neither of us are down at the same time 🙂 ~Melanie
it’s funny how we can balance each other out. I’m sure that if my husband was like me we would both be insane, now it’s just me that’s crazy!! Lol! Thanks so much for dropping in, I really appreciate it!
Oh wow-takes me right back to my childhood! Loving but crazy and always late family!
Wouldn’t trade them 🙂
Love your writing style- wanted to take my time reading this!
Leigh @oneandoneequalstwinfun.com
Thank you so much Leigh! Funny but it’s the crazy stuff that makes our families so special isn’t it. Now this does not mean I’m admitting to being the other family!! Lol!!
No offense, but I think I like the “other family” better than yours..haha!
I love the happy ending, btw!
Melissa, no offense taken, we perfect families are use to the scorn!! Lol!!!!
Thanks so much dear friend!! xo
Lol–so funny! “Thoughts of running off to Hawaii with George Clooney start to sound very good.” This happens to me most days–I even included a photo of George in my last blog post. What is it about men and always having to do “one more thing” before we go?
That one more thing really drives me crazy!! You had a photo of George in your last post, I’m going to have to hop right over!! Thanks so much for popping over!
kathy, this was so funny and refreshing!
i loved the happy ending to go along with it.
you always tell a great story and leave me inspired <3
have a wonderful week xoxoxo
maria
Thank you so much sweet friend!! Sending much love to you!!
The crazy family sounds like ours! Haha!
As always, The Dishwasher never fails to crack me up. 🙂
Thank you so much!! Sorry that the crazy family sounds like yours!! Lol!! It ain’t easy is it?!!!! Lol! Thanks so much for your great visit!! I always like to see you here at the dishwasher!
This sounds like our family!
Such a fun story.
Susan of course you mean that you are like the perfect family right?!! Lol!! Thanks so much!!
Just had to visit again! Hugs to you sweet lady! Hope your Tuesday is super-duper!
Thanks my sweet friend!! xo
I always had a fantasy version of my family! George Clooney has also popped up on and off during the years too! Go figure! Glad you got to see the movie!
I’m sure George shows up in a lot of mom’s minds from time to time!! I always knew you had great taste!! Thanks for coming by my friend!
Wanna guess which family we are?
I hate you and Joe with all that hand holding and smiling.
Okay…no hate…LOL
‘
Sharon
Sharon of course you are the perfect family that’s why we are friends, we perfect people have to stay together!!! Lol!!! Much love to you sweet friend!
Every day of my life, I have the best intention to be a sainted wife and mother. I spend so much time working out in my brain what the proper responses to things should be, and reading and studying so I can understand and help help shepherd my children through life without letting their Asperger related anxiety win.
Good and sainted mother lasts about ten minutes. She reappears at night to tuck her sweet cherubic babes into bed. Once the children are asleep she prays on her knees with all of her might to be better the next day, Rinse, lather, repeat.
Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. At least every minute of it is marinated and dripping in love. Even when I’m incoherent and wondering why I didn’t join a convent.
I hope the kids loved the movie.
Catherine I did not think of the convent idea, you are right. I think I will add that to my “places to escape in my head too” right next to George and Hawaii!
I guess the plans we have for ourselves in our heads really are not based on any kind of reality! Lol! You are so right, at least our heart is in the right place and we do what we do out of love!! Thanks so much for your great comment!
The kids loved the movie! All 3 of them and they all sat through the whole thing without a peep! It was a miracle!
Hilarious post 🙂 I think I saw my family in there, too. The one with the cell phone light that doesn’t go off. But it’s great to treat the family to a movie night. Oh, by the way, the library book part was priceless. Thanks for sharing your family moments.
It’s funny you mentioned the library part because I did think of you when I was writing it! He drives me crazy with not putting the book in the easy drop off box! Lol!! We did have a fun movie night! It is such a cute film, your daughter would love it!! Thanks so much dear friend!!
Lol Kathy I couldn’t stop reading this one! It was the type of post where you want to read faster just because you’re enjoying so much that you want to find out the end. It’s funny (as you know I don’t have family–yet) but I too saw the Lorax this weekend. I took my youngest brother, bought him a soda and popcorn and you could definitely tell we were there. Popcorn and a couple of my sour patch kids were scattered under/around the seats…oops.
Thanks so much!!! I’m jealous that you have a younger brother to take to the movies. I did not have kids till I was 33, and I didn’t even have a niece or nephew to take so I would just go to Disney movies with my roommate or Joe, if I could drag him to one. It was a fun movie, wasn’t it? One day I dream we will leave a theater without it looking like a disaster hit!!! Thanks again friend!!
I have seen this “other” family too! I always feel so sorry for the saintly mom. I pray for her that God will smite the unholy demon of lateness from her husband and that her kids will clean their ears so that they can hear mom when she says it is time to get ready. 😉
Thanks for sharing the plight of the “other” fmaily. It is important that we all pray for them. LOL
I too pray for the “other” family. My heart really goes out to them, especially the poor, sainted mother!!! Lol!! You had me in hysterics as I read this!! Love you!!
Great post! I love reading stories about other families… ~Hugs
Well Leah it’s important for those of us with Perfect families like you and me to remember their are less fortunate, less perfect families out there!! Lol!! Love you!!
Amazing, my family sounds JUST like “your” family 😉 But I think I see that other family all too often!
Your heart really goes out to the “other” families! We perfect families should really pray often for them, and of course we must pray for the sainted mothers who do their best to help their families.! Those poor perfect, blameless souls!!!! Lol!! Thanks so much Asheligh!
Love it!! We too are the first family you described, not that crazy, messy family you mentioned 😉
Hi!! I’m your newest follower and after reading this funny post (which I can SO relate to!) I can’t wait to read more 🙂
Have a great day!!
I wouldn’t think in a million years you would be that “other” family!! Lol!!
Thanks so much for coming by and following the dishwasher and I!! Great to have you here!
Kathy you are to funny, love your blog, I though I was already a follower, but I am now. Talk with you later
Thank you so much Pamela for the visit and the follow!! So glad to have you possessed by the dishwasher and me! xo
Oh my goodness!!! You just described my husband!!! The only difference is when we are headed to the movies, HE hates to be late. He’s a total movie guy so even if it’s a kids movie, we are there early. Anything else in life that we have to get to though…he’s late for. Mostly because he feels the need to sit on the toilet until his legs and feet are so numb he can’t walk. I love him dearly, but that drives me so crazy. Seriously…get off the toilet and LIVE! Lol!
So glad you and your family enjoyed the movie and the popcorn. This was written so well and was very entertaining. 🙂
I love my husband too, of course he is the perfect husband!! And, I am the perfect wife!!! Marriage is fun, messy, but fun!!
We loved the movie!! Your girls would love it! Much love to you.
I love that image at the end! I will totally link up when I have a minute. Can you believe I actually have to work, work! Your posts are so direct and honest. You cut right to the chase. I love them! xoxo
You have to work, work!!! Jeez, that’s not fair!! Thanks so much Dani!! Much love to you!!
I’ll bet that perfect family doesn’t have nearly as much fun as the family that’s late, messy and loving.
And do husbands get lessons on disappearing when it’s time to get ready to go somewhere? Do they teach them that in college or something? 😉
Pamela I wonder if they do take a class in college about disappearing?!!
Thanks so much, we do have a lot of fun, I mean the “other family” does!!! Lol!
That was a great chuckle. I’ve seen families like the second one you describe, I’m so glad my husband and I have perfect kids and never aggravate each other!
Beck don’t you just pity the people who aren’t as lucky as us!! Well, not everybody can have a perfect family!! Lol!!
Much love to you!!
That is hysterical! Love to hear the true and normal outings of other families who help us remember that we are all the same…..all trying to do the best to instill memories with our children, although sometimes through forced smiles! So funny! Loved this post! xxoo
Tracy are implying that I’m part of the “other” family!!! Lol!!
Thanks, this was really fun to write and my husband was laughing when he was editing it for me! xoxo
LOL!!! My library book scene would have been getting gas AND going in the gas station to pay AND getting a snack and bottled water for me to stuff in my purse. LOL!!! And yes already behind schedule.
It’s horrible because I’m a compulsive person who has to be early and I married a “one more thing” guy!! At least it gives me things to blog about!! Is your husband a time freak? For some reasons the time freaks seem to marry the late people, what’s up with that?!!! Thanks for stopping by!! xo
Oh my goodness, you had me cracking up reading this! My husband is always the last one out to the vehicle too and it drives me CRAZY! lol We get into the same sort of roles (you know as the other family, not you guys) ;p – me getting more aggravated and him acting as if we have all the time in the world. 😀
Susie I know it’s going to shock a lot of people but we are a lot more like that “other family” too!!! Lol!! It’s nice to know we are not alone! Thanks so much for dropping by!! xo
So well done Kathy and so funny! In our family, I am your husband. I am always doing one more thing while my husband and kids are in the car. I’m also the one who forgets something that we must go back home for as we just make it to the end of the street. But I am also the one who walks out with twelve things in my hands that we need to bring because the rest of my family forgets that they have hands too. Balance, right? 😉
I don’t think it counts if a mom is always the late one because she is doing 65 things to get the family out of the house! Lol! But I do agree, you probably need a mix one late person one early. If my husband was like me we would all be living in an insane asylum and if I was like him we would never get anything done!!! I guess that’s balance! Lol! Thanks so much for dropping by! xo
Hi Kathy great story, I know if that had been me, we would not have gone anywhere. Have a great weekend
Tell your wonderful husband that I never have had a problem with the library drop off box (and it’s a great timesaver). A ten-cent fine vs. a car of unhappy kids? We know what choice we would make. Very funny!