It’s funny how some events occur and we know instantly that our lives have been changed forever. Yet there are other times when something happens without us really knowing that the course of our lives has been completely altered.
I would definitely put the days I found out I was pregnant with each of our three children in the first category. As well as the day each one of my babies took their first breaths and cried out to me and my husband that they were here to stay.
Or, the Valentine’s Day almost 20 years ago when Joe asked me to marry him.
These are the moments that take your breath away. The ground shifts right under your feet, and your life has changed.
Then there are the subtler moments when we don’t realize until later that that was the moment our life changed direction.
The day I met my husband comes instantly to mind as one of those times.
Joe and I met on a blind date almost 22 years ago. We had a few date planning calls on the phone and one really good conversation before our big meeting.
The year was 1990, long before Google, Facebook and dating sites like Match.com or EHarmony. These were the old days when people met through friends and had to actually talk on the phone if they wanted to meet.
I was at a strange place in my life. I had decided to leave acting, or rather the dream of an acting career. Though I felt that was right, I did not know what I wanted to do with my life.
I was in a job that paid the bills, albeit by the skin of my teeth, and I was officially on my own living in New York City. I felt very direction-less and kept kidding around with my friends that I was waiting for the postcard from God as to what I was supposed to do with my life.
Desperate for an answer I had the bright idea that I would go on a prayer vigil.
Mind you, though I was raised in the Lutheran Church as a child, I have always considered myself more a spiritual person than a religious one.
My prayer vigil wasn’t out of religious fervor, it was out of a deep-seated need for guidance. I was hoping that by setting time aside each day and concentrating on what I wanted I would get some sort of an answer.
If it came from above in a nice, easy-to-read card all the better.
I could have picked a beach or a park to hold my vigil, but I lived in Manhattan and there are beautiful cathedrals and wonderful churches on almost every block. A church seemed to be as good as any for my daily meditation.
I wasn’t particularly choosy as to what church I would use. At the time, I worked on Park Avenue, and more often than not I went to Saint Bartholomew’s, a beautiful Episcopal church on Park Avenue and 51st Street.
Sometimes I would vary it and walk to Fifth Avenue Presbyterian, or if it was on the weekend, I would pick the small Catholic church near my Upper East Side apartment.
During the week I would go at lunch, sit in one of the pews, quiet my mind for about 10-15 minutes, and pray.
I was very specific in my prayer. I wanted to know what my purpose in life was and what I should do about it.
A simple request, I wasn’t asking for much.
Toward the end of the 30 days I was sitting in St. Bart’s and started to cry. It was at that moment I realized that, although I had some great friends that I really loved, I was profoundly lonely.
I admitted to myself and God that I really wanted to find someone special in my life.
But, I then quickly added that I wanted the purpose first. I made sure I was very specific, I didn’t want to confuse God. I wanted that purpose.
I was sort of mad at myself for confusing the issue. It was the purpose I was looking for, love could come after, I could wait.
I’m a little fuzzy on the exact time line but it was around this time that a friend of mine had mentioned she knew a guy who had the sweetest personality and the sweetest face. She thought we would really hit it off.
I remember not being extremely impressed with this offer. I had heard it all before. I had been going on a string of blind dates and set-ups for a few years with little real success. I was tired.
The idea of declaring myself a professional spinster at almost 25 was starting to seem like a good idea.
But I told my friend I was game if she didnt’ mind that I would take the guy’s number rather than giving out mine. I was getting tired of the man having all the power. It was the 90’s, and a guy could wait around for my call.
I walked around with Joe’s number in my purse for about three weeks.
Truth be told, I wasn’t really that into meeting anyone new. I was casually going out with a fraternity brother of my roommate’s boyfriend who lived in Philadelphia. I liked him, but I didn’t think he was someone I was meant to have a serious relationship with.
We had planned for me to visit him in Philadelphia, but as luck would have it, it turned out to be the same weekend my family had planned a big reunion at my uncle’s dairy farm in Upstate New York.
Despite my father being less than thrilled with my decision, I was all set to ditch the reunion for the guy. Then one day I admitted to my mother that I had a feeling I was going to go to Philadelphia and end up staying there even though I really didn’t think this was the right path for me.
“Then don’t go Kathy,” she said. In her next breath, she said, “Why don’t you call the guy whose number you have been carrying around in your purse.”
When I told my roommate that I had cancelled my plans to go to Philly, she also suggested I call the guy in my purse. She didn’t know my mother and her had the same idea.
I called.
I immediately liked the voice on the other end of the phone. I also found myself laughing very easily.
But I was cautious. I had kissed my share of frogs, I didn’t really expect to meet my prince anytime soon.
A few days after the reunion I met Joe in front of St. Patrick’s Cathedral. The first thing I noticed was that he was very tall. My friend was right, he did have a sweet face. He was very nice so I said yes to a second date, but I told my roommate I didn’t think much was going to come of this.
It took me three dates to realize I really liked him. After seven dates I knew this was different from anything I had felt in the past. I had fallen very deeply in love for the first time in my life.
I was a little freaked out. My plan was to have my purpose and life all in perfect order before I met the person I was going to spend my life with.
A few months into my relationship with Joe I was talking to a friend. She was telling me how happy she was that I had found such a great guy.
I told her that I was really happy but that this was not the way it was supposed to work. I had clearly asked God for my purpose in life, I only added that I wanted someone as an afterthought. Why did God hear that plea when I spent thirty days asking for my purpose.
“Kathy, you don’t know God’s plan. Maybe Joe will be part of your purpose.”
And he was.
The ground had shifted and my life’s direction had changed course, and I hadn’t even known it.
one mom's attempt to find humor in the chaos
Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
I love to read stories of how people met and your story is a great example of why! There’s always more than meets the eye.
Isn’t it amazing the way prayers are answered in the most unexpected ways?
This is such a lovely story. I believe in fate, and this is a perfect example of it. Of course, you had to allow it to happen-fate isn’t always pushy that way!
Kathy, that is an amazing story! i love it. You and Joe are so lucky to have found each other… isn’t that amazing?! (sigh…) I love happy endings… or more of a happy beginning!
-Steph
Great story! Sometimes we just gave to throw our hands up a little to “the powers that be”. I met the Good Apple on a dive boat. 7 years later, to the day, we got married. Life.
God answered your prayers! Love it when that happens. What a great story, thank you for sharing! Gabriela
I loved your story dear Kathy! I still can’t believe how long you held onto his number before calling!
I’ve also been amazed how some seemingly insignificant decisions or times in my life have changed my entire course. I would have never guessed what was in store for me from the person I married to where I live.
And I’m still searching for my direction. A daily vigil might be good for me now, though I’d have to do it from home, maybe locked in my bedroom while my kids watch cartoons. 🙂
Love ya!
Thank you guys so much for the great and thoughtful comments!! Sometimes I’m not sure of a piece and I’m always reassured when I come here and see your support!!
It is so funny how I was begging for my purpose yet ignored what was in my purse. I think there are many times I ask and receive but don’t know it because I’m too busy looking in the other direction!
Thanks again for the wonderful support!! Much love to you all!!
I loved reading this, Kathy. I love the natural flow of your writing. I like the humble, gentle tone. I enjoyed the real life tension & resolve. I, too, had hopes for an acting career. And I have also sought my life’s purpose, only to find it simply as love. I can’t think of anything greater.
Beautiful!
Love this post. It’s so funny how surprised we are (usually) when we realize we’re in love! I remember the exact moment I knew I was going to end up marrying my husband; it was like the Universe actually poked me on the shoulder and said “Make the right decision here, because depending on what you say, you’re going to either marry him or lose him.” 🙂
Great story! New follower! Look forward to reading more of your blog!
Jen
http://www.blogparent.blogspot.com
The Antics of An Autism Mom
Beautiful story…You are just incredible Kathy! I am a fan of your writing!
xoxo to kiddus!
Kathy! What a Beautiful story! It’s amazing how something so simple can change everything! I was on a similar path. I had been dating in college, just recently broken up with an EX because he wanted to propose and I wasn’t there; the same weekend, I got a phone call from 3 guys I had met and knew in the past and each one was asking me if I’d date them…like seriously date them…it really freaked me out; I thought to myself, no, I need to get my career, and my goals discovered before I go out with any of these guys. That same weekend I got a call from a guy I didn’t know…we were being set up by one of my best friends. I figured, I had never gone on a blind date before; and I was in desperate need of “fresh pickings” lol.
Well, it turned out after that first date, my entire world changed, and I saw a new path before me that I had never seen before. I was married to this “blind date” guy 3 months later, and we’ve been married for 9 1/2 years.
JadeLouise Designs
This was fantastic, Kathy! My husband and I went to high school together and even shared a locker together with a mutual friend, but never spoke…until two years after he graduated. Just a reaffirmation that when we are ready and open for “what’s next”, REALLY ready, “what’s next” shows us its been in front of our door, but we just weren’t ready to open it. You have such a great story!!
Great story! I met my husband through a friend of mine who was dating him and another guy at the same time. We were the age of Yahoo though LOL. He and my friend broke up when he found out she was dating two guys and when I broke up with my boyfriend, and had broken my ankle in a failed attempt at roller skating, we started talking on Yahoo in January, met in person in February, started dating in March, and were married that June! Almost 8 years later, and we are still going strong, even with all the people who said it would never last!
I love the stories about how some of you met your husbands!! It’s so funny how some of us ended up with our mates!! Just shows you, you really never know when your life is going to just change course!!! Thanks so much for sharing!! This is so much fun!!! Much love to all!!
What a beautiful beautiful love story! One of God, the Father toward you and the other of you finding your soul mate.
Isn’t it funny how we try to put God in a box, tidy it up and think we can tell Him how to do stuff?
Are you still in New York? I work in the city but I live in Westchester.
Are you going to BlogHer this year?
Thanks Michelle! Yes, we are now on Long Island. My husband still works in the city as well. I am planning on going to BlogHer (but I won’t buy a ticket till the week or so before) this summer and I hope many of my dear blogging friends are planning on going too! It would be great to meet my friends in person!!
So good to know you are in NY too!!
You gave me the chills Kathy, and in a VERY good way, I can guarantee that! What a sweet, wonderful and meaningful story, and one that I can somehow relate with! We often have our own ideas of what ‘purpose’ looks like only for life/God/the Universe to let us know ever so clearly that what we’ll have is different…and one that is no less beautiful and meaningful. 🙂
Well i’d love to meet some new ppl. Other than work, my life is a bit glum. i come home hang out with my son while my husband works most of the night away on his music. He’s a DJ. Every so often we do get to enjoy a Netflix movie. I think tonight’s the night!
Kathy, that is such a sweet story–guess Valentine’s day is extra special for you both. Start planning NOW to do something together for it. Make it a priority and don’t let it pass without celebration.
What a sweet, sweet story!
I agree with what everyone else said, it’s a great story!
A few years ago, during the summer my little sister and I worked in the office of a landscaping company and every few months a young guy (I think he was 29 then) would come in to speak with our boss. He owned a another plant/tree/bulbs/etc company as well.
During one of his visits, my sister came up with a brilliant idea…see we had a sister (who was 28 at the time), never married and currently depressed because she was certain she would be a spinster for the rest of her life.
Well, my sister’s big idea was to match the two up…and since this is already a ridiculously long comment, I’ll just say that after we finally got them to “hang out” they began dating and then got married!
Now my sister, who was once begging God to send her someone & feared she’d be forever single, is happily married. God works in interesting ways and your story reminded me (somehow) of my sisters 😛
Anyways, loved the good read!
This is a beautiful love story! God works in such mysterious ways. Reading this made me recall when I first met my husband. It truly was one of those moments that my world changed forever and I was clueless. It’s amazing what makes our lives switch course and how oblivious we can be while it happens. God truly is amazing…especially when He throws His own plan at us that doesn’t quite fit in with ours.
What a fantastic story. How wonderful 🙂
Loved your story Kathy. Just when you think that God isn’t listening to you he surprises you. I’ve certainly asked myself that question many times – what is my purpose here? It’s not always what you expect or what you planned.
What a lovely story! God does work in mysterious ways. 🙂
Aww what an wonderful story. My favorite line was that you did not want to confuse God. Haha, I think we all tend to do that for Him.
Such an incredible story and life changing journey. Thank you so much for sharing your life and what a wonderful post!
Awww Kathy I LOVE this story! I can see it playing out in a fabulous movie. And what is this time you talk about “before google and facebook” 🙂 Joe sounds like one lucky lucky man!
Lovely story. Makes me think on how fortunate I am too of having met my soulmate.
kathy, i hung on to your every word. what a beautiful, happy story of how you and joe met. i love reading love stories. especially when you meet someone when you least expect it. friends and i have been talking so much the past few weeks about how people are placed in our lives for a reason. and there is no doubt, after reading your words, that you and joe were meant for one another.
wishing you many more happy years together. <3
thank you so much for your words on my last post. you are so thoughtful and supportive. it means a lot.
i love you
maria <3
This story gave me goosebumps. I am such a sucker for a love story. Thanks also for stopping by my blog from VoiceBoks. I so appreciate it.
God gives us what we need when we need it. Blessings to you and your husband! What a great love story! xxoo Tracy
Okay, this is weird. I wanted to be an actress too, and gave that up. Luthern, Episcopalian are like little ‘c’ Catholic, which you know I am.
It took several “dates” with my spouse to like him too. Girl, we gotta talk…we have like the same lives…only not!
Luv this story!
Sharon
Wow, I can’t believe you wanted to be an actress. That’s interesting. But it’s amazing how God does have so many plans that we don’t even know it. Thanks for sharing this heartwarming story.
This is so amazing–everytime I visit– I feel like Im reading a well written book– thanks for sharing!
Me again! Just wanted to tell you how much I love your blog and that I gave you an award. My first one!!
http://www.perspectiveparenting.com/2012/01/11/spread-the-sunshine/
Check it out if you want.
I love reading stories like these. There is always a plan. We just don’t always know it.
Wonderful story. I always tell myself there could be a thousand angels flapping near my ears but I would not notice until I sat down to pray.
Pam
I am such a romantic sucker, and I do believe in timing. You and Joe had timing for sure–meant to be! Do you ever talk about if you had called him earlier, etc.? Sometimes, my husband and I run through details like that, and we are amazed that we came together. It’s fun:) Hey, would you ever want to write up your Mr. Darcy story for us? We haven’t had one in awhile, and it would be such a treat to have yours and Joe’s. It might be a fun writing exercise too for you;) Let me know!
This is an amazingly beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it!
Kathy -what an amazing story.. I love that you walked around with his number for three weeks. Thanks for sharing – I know have a goofy smile on my face.
Thanks Hilary! I can’t believe I walked around with his number for three weeks either. I had never done anything like that before!! I’m glad I put a smile on your face, I felt the same way when I read your post about Alex your cat!! xo
What a great story! So sweet!
Thanks for stopping by my blog – I’m following back!
Thanks so much for stopping by and thanks for the great compliment! I loved your site, glad we are following each other. Take care!
Just what I needed to ready today ; )
THANKS!
See you around
Lolo
What a wonderful wonderful story! The writing was wonderful and I was hanging on every word. Spinster at 25? Oh lord no! I didn’t get hitched till I was 36 sooo …hahaha 🙂 What a wonderful piece. Hopefully you’ll be writing again soon!! I’m following now and thank you for stopping by 🙂
Great story Kathy.
One year while in Mexico, we didn’t receive city water for 36 days. If I knew then what I know now, I would have made a different decision. It has shaped my life. Unfortunately, so has losing my son, Alexander.
Thanks for stopping by the blog. I followed you too.
Sarah a.k.a. Journeysof TheZoo
http://journeysofthezoo.blogspot.ca
That brought tears to my eyes. You may have expected another frog but you got yourself a prince. Your ‘once upon a time’ had the loveliest beginning.
Such a beautiful story Kathy! So glad you shared it with everyone! Also glad I found your blog again…Big hugs to you…xoxo