My dishwasher's possessed

one mom's attempt to find humor in the chaos

Me, Myself and my Minivan

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They say confession is good for the soul, so here is mine…I love my minivan.

Okay, I said it.

I realize this admission confirms what my sisters always said about me: I’m just not that cool. That’s fine with me. My minivan and I can take it. It’s my badge of honor that announces to the world each and every day, I am a mom and I am proud!

Now driving a minivan may not seem like such a big feat, but let me explain a few things. First, I did not even learn to drive till I was 35, and I did that only because we were going to be moving to the suburbs where I was raised.

Unlike Manhattan and Queens, my former homes, driving on Long Island is a necessity. Overcoming my fear to drive once seemed impossible, but I did it. It required many driving lessons and a teacher that became a candidate for sainthood, but it’s an accomplishment that I’m very proud of.

Second, I never thought I would have enough children to warrant a minivan. Children did not come easily to my husband and me, so once I had my second child I thought we were done.

Life had other plans. I got the happiest shock of my life when after two fertility assisted babies I found myself pregnant with our third child at 39.

For some reason, the minute you find out you will have more than two children, there is an amazing amount of pressure to announce this miracle by the car you drive.

Most of this pressure came from my parents, who thought it was practically child abuse to put their grandchildren in anything less.

This from the same people who took my two sisters and me on more family trips than I care to remember stuffed in the backseat of my father’s green Volvo.

I wish I could properly describe the five hour trips home we would make from my uncle’s dairy farm with my sister Sandy’s feet under my butt. The smell of cow manure packed into bags and put into the trunk for my fathers vegetable garden. Sitting in the backseat with a very full bladder because my parents were bound and determined to only make two pit stops per car trip upstate.

Good times indeed.

Yes, now that they are grandparents they sing a very different tune. They get upset at me if I don’t have pillows and blankets in the car when I take the kids home from their house. The house that is only six blocks from mine.

Oh how times have changed. But I digress.

Every time I get behind the wheel of my Mom-mobile I get an odd sense of pride. I did it. I became a mom. Look at my dirty minivan with cookies smashed in the carpet: I have arrived.

That silly sense of pride and even joy gets me through my toughest days.

Days when getting everyone into the car becomes a second job. Or when I imagine snapping my 12 year-old’s pants on his wedding day because the 10 years of occupational therapy seems to have done little to help his fine motor issues.

Times when I get tired of hearing my own voice telling my little dears the same things over and over again. The painful days when I realize that my beautiful daughter with a brain disorder is probably never going to be able to live on her own.

I hear the arguing, the singing, and the laughter coming from the backseat and I can’t help but feel blessed and grateful.

There were times I really thought that the life and the children I love so much would never be mine. There were so many obstacles to overcome. Yet, I did it.

I have become the mom that I always wanted to be.

My minivan is a tangible reminder that all the things I once thought were impossible are not impossible at all.

Authors note: The original version of this essay was first published on Momster.com in November, 2010 where I wrote it under the name BlessedMomof3. This version has been altered slightly. It is the first time I have put it on Blogspot.

Comments

  1. Laura@Catharsis says

    Good for you for embracing your minivan! Being a mom is certainly something to be proud of, especially when getting there was a road full of bumps and twists and turns. If that minivan is your symbol for happiness and possibility, then rock that thing, sister!

  4. Army of Moms says

    I am not emotionally capable of driving a minivan. I may have my mom card revoked because of this issue but YOU GO GIRL! And Congrats on learning to drive at 35. I remember my mom teaching our 65 year old school nurse to drive when I was in Jr High. You are never too OLD

  5. Megan says

    My dream car?? A minivan. It’s been my dream since I had only one child. And now that we’re about to have 3….a minivan is a MUST! 🙂

  6. Spilled Milkshake says

    Having a minivan is definitely a sign of mom-hood – and you deserve it! It just cracks me up that your parents require pillows and blankets now hahah – parents sure change when they become grandparents, don’t they?

    I remember some similar family vacations where the pit stops were limited. That is something I do NOT do to my children. I have too weak of a bladder to not appreciate that when someone’s gotta go, they gotta go.

    I’m really shocked that you didn’t learn to drive until you were 35. Driving is so freeing. I counted the days until I could drive from the time I was about 14 lol.

    Another wonderful post. Love you!!

  7. Amberr Meadows says

    I commend you for jumping into motherhood with the minivan in tow. I’m going to try to be the “hip mom” and have a Honda Pilot or something snazzy. I can’t see the minivan or anything that might resemble a “swagger wagon.” Haha! I’m here from Voiceboks, and I’m subscribed now. You made me laugh. Thanks for that!

  8. Kathy says

    Thanks everyone!! Yes, Christina, it was a huge deal to learn to drive at 35, I had the biggest fear! But, now I love it!!

    Megan it’s funny when you get pregant with the third baby it really feels like you have to have the minivan, even though so many of my friends, like me, were raised in a sedan. I will say it is great, especially with all the baby car seats!

    Thanks again everyone, I so appreciate all the great comments! Much love!!

  9. TyKes Mom says

    Your writing always makes me smile! I do not own a mini-van but I do have a close second: the soccer mom SUV. I know that feeling of pride you are talking about. I love that someone could look at my vehicle, see the smashed cookies on the carpet and the fingerprints all over the windows and know that I am a mother, even if my children are not currently in the car. We have number three on the way so a mini-van may not be too far in our future!

  10. Jaz says

    I miss my minivan :/ It was the beach car for us but it was time for an upgrade. Sadly no new van, but a think a tahoe suits our needs now hehe 🙂 Glad to have found you on vboks ^_^

  11. Shawna says

    Great post! My husband would love nothing more than to buy me a minivan. However, I am very petite (SHORT) and can not see out of all those windows. I have told him, NO minivan but I will take a Ford Fusion!! Love your blog. From Members To Remember! Followed via GFC TOO!

  12. Kristina says

    I had to laugh reading this – I also think getting the kids into the car is a major job! I often have to have treats in my bag to entice them into their seats – so tricky!
    Thanks for sharing your story,
    Kristina

  14. Kathy says

    I love the automatic doors!!! I especially loved them when my little guy was a baby! Also I’m very short and I love the minivan!! I feel like a better driver with it!

    Thanks so much everyone for the great comments!! Much love to you all!!

  15. Grumpy Grateful Mom says

    I have to say: I’ve never read such a moving post about a mini-van! Love you Kathy!

    I’m am in mini-unappreciation mode right now as mine is falling apart. Though, you reminded me! We would drive in a car from Iowa to Idaho every year to visit my grandparents dairy farm. Me and my two brother stuffed in the back. It was not pretty. I guess I’ll be grateful for my van, where my kids can be more separated! 🙂

  17. Steph says

    When my hubby first annouced that we should look into a minivan I wanted to cry! I was happy driving a station wagon — because it wasn’t a minivan. But now that I have driven it for over 7 years… I am lost without it. When it goes in to be serviced, i threaten the service guys that if they do not hurry, I will camp out at the shop with my 3 children until it is done because I am lost without it. I mean, how else can I fit a cooler, a collapsible porta-potty, extra clothes for all season, first aide kit, extra food (granola bars, beef jerkey, drinks — you never know when you’ll need this!), scooters, stroller, extra water bottles, extra plastic bags, paper cups, forks, straws, movies, music CDs, and a *few* other things… Love your story — you rock!!!!

  20. Gifts By Katherine says

    I’ve never had a mini van. But my daughter loves, I mean loves, hers! They have five children ( our five grandchildren) and I can say ,as a frequent passenger, that van Rocks! Hugs and VB♥

  21. Just Another Mom of Twins says

    I am also a PROUD mama of a minivan…a Swagger Wagon to boot! I love how you wrote with such pride about becoming a mom and how your minivan is the badge of “proof” that challenges are meant to be overcome!! Bravo!!! (couldn’t have said it better myself!)

    Happy Monday!

  22. marisafrank says

    I have four kids and my husband keeps telling me I need to give up my Durango for a mini-van. We rented one for a family vacation and the kids didn’t want to give it back. But here I am still fighting it. But this post has me rethinking my decision. Most importantly it brought a smile to my face and made me laugh. Thank you for that.

  23. Becky Jane says

    Your post reminded me of a movie I saw where the preacher was trying to discourage a young couple from getting married. He used the tactic that they would have to eventually have to give up their sports cars and replace them with a minivan. 2 weeks later the couple announced they were getting married and had already replaced their sports cars with a minivan!

    I love your attitude…go MOM!

  24. An Irish Italian Blessing says

    My husband and I ALWAYS say Minivan’s are not the coolest car ever but they sure are PRACTICAL! They really do make the most sense don’t they?! And, I love how something as simple as a minivan can remind you of how lucky you are to be a mom. Next time I see my daughter drop cracker crumbs in my car, I’ll remember that 🙂

  25. Kathy says

    Long before I had my own family I had a friend who had three children and was finally buying a minivan. She said if she had to go one more day with “she is touching me” He is toching me” They are touching me” she was going to go crazy!! She was right, the minivan gets rid of that problem right away!! I remembered this story as I was reading all your great comments!! Thanks everyone!!! Much love to you all!!

  26. Michael Ann says

    Good for you! I love my mini-van too. Loved your story and what your car represents to you. To Shawna, who wrote above that she is too short for a mini-van….You can get one with adjustable seats and pedals. I am only barely 5 ft 1 and I can see fine out of my Ford Windstar. In fact, I can see better out of this car than any other car I’ve ever driven. It’s made for short people!

  28. Rebecca Hawkes says

    Great post! It’s funny how people are so one-way-or-the-other when it comes to minivans. I have a “microvan” and I’m always trying to convince myself that it really looks more like a car.
    I didn’t have the van when Ashley first moved in with us, and that’s when I first started to long for one. Only two kids, but in the beginning they both wanted to kill each other. More than once I actually had to pull over, separate them, and enforce a cooling off period before we could continue. What I really wanted then was a car with not only separate seats but solid barrier down the middle between them. (None of the car manufacturers seem to offer this, but I think it would be a hot seller.)
    Now they get along great, but who’s to say — maybe they get along so well _because_ they have their own space in the van.

  30. Maria says

    Aww Kathy, this post was so sweet!! and i’m so very happy you are driving a minivan 🙂 like you said, it is a reminder of your dreams come true! it just goes to show what matters. cars get you from point a to point b.
    i remember when i was younger “ewww’ing” minivans. now, i’d drive one proudly 🙂
    thank you so much for always leaving such kind words…and sharing your stories with me. it really does mean a lot to me and i appreciate you sharing all you’ve gone through to get where you are today! you are an amazing woman and mother!
    happy wednesday!
    xoxo
    maria <3

  35. Mrs. Diner says

    Never wanted a minivan, but now I understand the convenience & comfort of them. Still don’t have one…my husband is anti-minivan. The Toyota Sienna surely appeals to me , though.

  37. I'm NOT a VOLCANO! says

    Hahah! I too love my minivan. We had one car for our whole family until I got pregnant with MY third child. There simply wasn’t enough room in our little Honda Accord for 3 carseats. Great post. Very well written.

  38. Sassy says

    This is funny. Because we had a minivan. Then I got pregnant with my fourth and for some reason decided I no longer wanted one. lol So we got a crossover and LOVE it! 🙂

  39. spanish4kiddos says

    Ahh, if only car door walls could talk I guess they could tell you how many times my daughter has had naps in the car or her Happy meal, which at times was not making her happy. I have a little small sedan but I guess I can be considered a soccer mom, hahaha…I love your post, it’s awesome.

  40. pamela r says

    I love this post!!
    I’ve driven a mini even before I had kids of my own, I was a nanny for three years and after driving the family mini I could never go back to a small car! My hubby bless his soul HATES them, When our broke down(beyond repair) a few years back it was time to car shop again. He didn’t even want to look at the minivans-I got a Jeep Grand Cherokee instade so he could feel “cool” and I’d still have my large space!

  43. Mommy LaDy Club says

    Good ol’ minivan! I recently drove my old car, that my husband now has as his daily driver, and the one that I hauled my step-daughters in for years. I’m a bit attached to her like yours. I call her Vicky for Crown Victoria, and usually give her a little pat on the dashboard, with a “good girl”;)

  45. Timmy Radloff says

    Driving a minivan isn’t that bad. I’m happy ‘because my wife is as proud as you in driving her car. She’s as happy as you, and she’s very grateful that she can drive home safely with our kids. Great story. 🙂

Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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