When my husband and I first thought about starting a family, we decided we would start with a cat. We assumed that if we didn’t kill the cat, we could probably handle a baby.
Joe and I went predictably crazy over our new addition. Because we lived in Manhattan, we decided to adopt a cat from the ASPCA. Samantha was a cute little thing that was found wandering the streets of New York. We took one look at her sweet face and we were hooked!
Many, many people made fun of how crazy we went over Samantha the cat. I’ll never know why.
Perhaps it was because she had more toys than most children. Or perhaps it was our decision to feed her only the speciality cat food that could be found only in pet stores.
But, well we had to do that. The one time Joe had the nerve to pick up a grocery store brand, she picked out each inferior piece and left only the fancy brand in her dish. Did I forget to mention she was a genius? How could we feed her Tender Vittles when she so clearly was telling us her preference?
Maybe we were a tad obsessive.
It didn’t help that poor Samantha had a chronic viral condition, so she frequently got eye and respiratory infections. I’m kind of embarrassed to admit it, but I remember one night at 12:00 a.m. Joe and I got into a cab with our “baby” so we could take her to an all night vet because we were so worried about her.
Samantha had a plethora of prescription drops and antibiotics. We became quite skilled at getting her to take each and every one, and the skills have been put to good use with three children!
Nights that previously were spent reading or watching a movie were now spent playing with our cat. Joe would take her out into the hallway of our apartment building and run back and forth with her.
We especially loved it when our neighbor’s three-year old son would knock on the door to play with Samantha. She may have looked like an ordinary cat, but to us she was our baby.
She was also a great comfort to us at one of the saddest points in our life.
Each of the four times I miscarried, it was Samantha who would sit with me in the dark as I mourned my loss. Holding her and feeling her warm fur helped with the devastation I felt over our losses.
When we moved to Queens, Samantha kept me company and made the move less traumatic. I could focus on her adjustment to the new house and not think about my own.
Looking back, I crack myself up about just how crazy we went over our cat. But Samantha did what we hoped she would do, she helped us get ready to be parents. And, in her own way she made us a family.
A little more than two years after our first miscarriage my husband and I welcomed our first child into the world. If you thought we went nuts over the cat, you can only guess what a fuss we made over our beautiful newborn son.
In the months before Tom was born, I diligently got Samantha ready for the changes that were coming. What I didn’t anticipate is that our son would be extremely allergic to our first baby!
Luckily for us, my father-in-law was only too happy to give Samantha a new home. The two of them became great friends for the next 12 years.
This August 30 would have been Samantha’s 16th birthday. But last fall, she had to be put to sleep after a long illness.
I always do my best to keep my feelings in check and in control around my kids, but when I got the call that Samantha was gone, I just sobbed. I missed my friend.
I have been blessed with many mentors in my 45 years. People who challenged me to become the person and parent I wanted and still want to be. With the risk of causing my cousin, Donna, a laughter-induced heart attack, I consider Samantha “the cat” one of them.
Samantha got me ready to be a parent like no teacher, parent, or friend could. She gave me first-hand experience in caring and loving something that was totally dependent on me. I will always cherish the sweet memories of her and how she helped Joe and I get ready for the adventure of raising the three wonderful children we have now.
Authors Note: My four-legged mentor was the first essay I ever posted on my blog. The original version was first published on Momster.com back in November, 2010. Next week, I will go back to publishing new essays.
I had a golden retreiver that went through a lot of things with me and when he died I lost a best friend as well. I cry to this day if someone brings up a happy memory about him. My family actually stops themselves and says maybe we shouldnt talk about him and get Jenny all upset.
I am sorry for your loss but happy that you had such a wonderful friend that got you through some tough times and some wonderful ones!
Thanks for sharing something so sweet… and personal. It’s never easy to lose a pet. Glad you have such sweet memories to hold on to… 🙂
So, so poignant. I had a parrot that was my parenting teacher. I know how you feel… (((hugs)))
How beautiful! Our pets can mean so much to us! I’m so sorry for your loss, I’ve been there and I know how hard it is – even if it’s been a while, it still hurts.
Our pets mean a great deal to us. I had a cat named Orlando that I had forever, he didn’t move with me to Oklahoma because he was so old it would have been too hard on him. When my mom called to tell me he had died, I cried all day.
Your first paragraph initially made me laugh. But, you expressed beautifully just how much you loved your cat and what a comfort she was to you. Sorry about your sweet kitty and friend.
Sweetly written and endearing…
My son has pet rats (I know… ewww), but I have to say that Sidney was such a sweetie. She became ill a few months back and I literally hand fed her food/pediasure and meds through a dropper to help her along, but at her age, she succumbed to illness despite our efforts. I got some strange looks from a family members, but we would do anything for our pets, even the strange ones. It’s so sad when they pass on..
So for Samantha and Sidney, we send our love!
The moment you started talking about having the miscarriages and your cat being there for you, I started crying. The pain had to of been great. Your cat was there for you!
I’m like your first born, my parents had to give away their 2, 4 legged creatures when I was 5 because I kept getting sick. 🙁 I always wished that I didn’t have allergies! Genetics won.
Pets can really fill a special role can’t they, whether they are a dog, cat, bird or rat!! There is just something about them and what they bring out in us! In the case of my husband and I are tendency to go over-board!!! I once had a therapist who thought we would make great parents but that we might be a little to premissve and over=indulgent because of how we were with Samantha!!! Lol!!!! Thanks for all the great comments and shares!!! Much love to you all!!
I love the honesty of this post. I often see couples have the dog-baby before the real one, but you give new insight into the phenomenon. It gives me tears to think of how effectively a pet could comfort in times of miscarriage, not being a replacement, but merely a very helpful companion.
my husband and i too had a first four legged baby! and we had to give him to my in laws too…he was very depressed and trying to escape after we had two babies in 12 months. new follower!!
ramona from http://bubbiandboo.blogspot.com
Precious story. I’m sorry for the loss of Samantha. Our pets are like family as well so I can relate.
I can totally relate to this! Our first addition was our bulldog Dozer and we still call him our first born. I know how much he prepared us for being parents. We had someone who relied solely on us to care for them. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to go cuddle him when he was scared and I KNOW that experience translates to children too. Sorry about your loss, Samantha seemed like a fabulous kitty!!
My dog was wonderful when I had my miscarriages. Animals are just amazing!!
Kathy, I am so glad to have “met” you. Thank you again for your encouraging and sweet words. Your post touched me. Not only can I relate to the multiple losses but also loss of a pet. I couldn’t agree more. We have three cats and they are our babies for now. We lost our first car, rascal to feline luekemia. We never cried so hard, believe it or not. Animals are so innocent and all they want is love. (Have you noticed yet, I’m a crazy cat lady lol) I am so sorry for your losses but so happy to see your happy ending. Much love to you and a happy Tuesday to ya! Xo
Maria
That’s a beautiful remembrance post about your cat.
It sounds very special, her sitting by your side during your miscarriage. I’ve often heard cats have a special sense for these kind of things.
I can imagine your sadness when she died.
Ahh, what a lovely story. Pets really are members of the family:) It is wise if you’re thinking about having a baby, to try a pet first. It is very good practice, huh. Since I raised my step-daughters fairly young, I always thought I’d get that clock ticking urge to have my own baby, but the thought of raising one more, and starting all over wasn’t so appealing to me. I always said, if I get that urge, we’ll get a pet!
I’m so sorry about your loss of your special Samantha.
I remember this blog, still enjoyed reading it the second time. Look how far you’ve come. Tell everyone “Bubba” says hello:):)
What a sweet story about Samantha! Heart warming to say the least! I always love your stories! Big hugs to you~Mumsy
Oh my goodness! I can totally relate to how important pets become in our lives. I am so sorry you suffered four miscarriages. I had no idea. I can only imagine how painful that must have been and how comforting your pet was. I am also sorry that your first baby passed on. I think when we mourn pets, we not only mourn our loss of them, but we mourn the difficult life experiences we associate with them.
We have a Sam as well, only he’s a dog – 13 years old, he will go before the cat of the same age..
I LOVE your new look and that I learn so much about you in each of your posts! I put your new button up
This was so happ and sad at the same time. I guess I am more happy though for what your cat did for your family.
Best wishes,
Clayton
http://www.claytonpaulthomas.com
What a great post about your cat.
I am a huge cat person.
Wonderful post – our first baby was a 4-legged one too – a dog named Lucy… When our first daughter was born and passed away – Lucy was there to snuggle next to me – loving me thru my tears.. Lucy is missed.
I’ve Become My Mother
How lovely to have such a wonderful pet / mentor / friend / family member:)
Always enjoy reading here – looking forward to next week’s essay,
Kristina 🙂
You know how much I love the name of your “first baby,” right? 😉
(Hope to see you tomorrow! The event is at the Philippine Consulate (556 5th avenue between 45th and 46th street) at 6PM :D)
My Great Dane was (and is!) my parenting teacher. She was a trying puppy: she couldn’t figure out that her business must be conducted outside; she ate everything in sight (chairs, library books, doors, bottles full of soda); and she sang a sorrowful song (that sounded like a cow mooing) every time we left the room. But she has turned into a wonderful, caring furry child, despite my parenting flaws! I’m now prepared to parent a human child soon!
Kathy, I so look forward to your weekly posts!! A smile, a giggle, a tear from time to time…
Have a wonderful weekend!
This is a LOVELY blog, Kathy. This post really touched me. I am a cat lover and have had several cat “babies” in my life. And…well, I have also had 4 miscarriages. The heartbreak of those if behind me now, but I will never forget those years of struggle and loss. I know one day I will see those babies in Heaven. I have two sons, ages almost 15 and 12, and two cats and one dog. I look forward to reading most posts from you!
My first baby was Cameo a 2lb yorkie and she taught me to be the mom I am without a doubt. Same as you we had many vet visits do to illness and medications became part of our daily life. I had her for only 5 short years and wanted nothing more than for her to meet our son but she passed away before he was born. I was and really am so sad she never met him but I like to believe she is our angel and she exited our lives to make room for him. Her work here was done and now she is in heaven. Thank you for reminding me how much I miss her and am thankful for her! Our pets will always be our children! And go figure in that allergy test I mentioned on another post I found out I am HIGHLY allergic to dogs, so all those sinus infections or so I thought, were not infections at all but our fur children. Our solution? I am taking an allergy pill a day 🙂 They really do become part of our family dont they?
What a sweet story!
I had to comment on this because I just wrote a post about my cat last week (or rather, what I was learning from her- now I sound like a nut!)! I am SO not a cat person, but she is a wise animal, that cat. 🙂 Newest follower from vB! Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog! (PS- I LOVE your blog name- it made me laugh!)