My 12 year-old, Tom, has not eaten a vegetable in so long that I could be reported to the mom police and get hard time.
Before his first birthday, my darling, perfect baby quickly showed his independence the minute I offered him his first taste of broccoli. He pushed away his plate with a dismissive wave of his little hand. It was war.
A war I was determined to win. I was older and wiser, wasn’t I?
Ha!
Before I had children, I vowed to practice and preach good nutrition. I exclusively breast fed Tom until he was six months old, and then fed solid foods in their most natural form. I foolishly believed the books that said, “If you feed it, they will eat it!”
I did not have white bread, soda, or sugared juices in my house. I diligently introduced new foods, always looking to expand his palate. I served pumpkin ravioli, spinach brownies, zucchini muffins. It was my mission in life to raise a well-rounded, well-read, vegetable-eating person.
Nothing I did made my wonderful little boy eat a vegetable. I covered a host of vegetables with cheese, butter, or brown sugar to no avail. Sometimes I got lucky, and he would eat a sauce with puree of carrots or sweet potato. I can’t tell you the pure happiness I would feel, only to be dropped into a depression the next day when he would say, “No tank you mommy.”
I dreaded each check-up when the pediatrician asked about his eating. I still remember his five-year check-up when our pediatrician asked Tom if he ate vegetables.
Yes, he replied.
I was speechless.
He then added, “I just don’t eat anything green, orange, red, or yellow.”
The pediatrician replied, “What do you eat then?”
“Pizza,” was his proud reply.
Now I know some of you may be thinking that I just didn’t try hard enough. That’s fine. I can live with your disdain. I know in my soul I did everything possible.
Some children, no matter what you try, just have certain food aversions.
Do you know how I know this? I have two other children.
By the time Lizzy and Peter came along, I was so wiped out by the food wars that I joined the ketchup-is-a-vegetable cult. The only way they saw a green thing was on my plate. And they begged for it.
Lizzy and Peter get so excited over broccoli that Tom tried it once, just because he thought maybe he was missing something!
Beets, kale, lima beans, you name it, and my two darlings will eat it. They have actually passed up ice cream to eat more green beans!
Are they freaks of nature?
Did God just feel sorry for me and make sure he found me two vegetable-eating children?
Or, are there just some things that are out of my control?
Our first pediatrician told me that my job as a mother was to offer and provide three nutritious meals a day, and my children’s job was to eat them, or not.
That’s some of the best advice I have ever been given, and it doesn’t only apply to food.
It’s my job as my children’s ambassador to the world to introduce and offer all that I think is safe and appropriate, and it’s their job to decide what works for them and what doesn’t.
As much as I love this advice, I still find it a bitter pill to swallow. And not always easy to follow. Especially as they get older.
What if they choose wrong? What if they get hurt?
Tom is going to be 13 in a few short months. There will be so many things the world will throw his way. So many choices that at times really can mean life or death. So many things that will be out of my control that I can literally loose sleep if I allow myself to think too hard about it.
As much as I hate to think about it, Tom, as well as his brother and sister will make mistakes. I know I made my share, it’s how I learned some of my most valuable lessons.
Perhaps in respecting my son’s food preference’s, while still introducing him to a wide variety of food, I’m doing more than dealing with the food wars. I’m giving him the building blocks to make decisions for himself.
The broccoli battle was Tom’s first attempt at independence. My loving withdrawal and a really good multivitamin was, and continues to be, my gift to him.
*Author’s Note: A version of this post was first published in December, 2010, on my blog at Momster.com where I published under the name Blessedmomofthree. This version has been revised slightly from the original. I don’t want anyone who has followed me over to this site to think they are going crazy!
Haha! Thanks for this! I needed to read it today! I have a two and a half year old who will inhale a meal one day, and then refuse it every time it is offered afterwards. I have been known to puree vegetables and hide them in pancakes smothered with maple syrup!
Definitely keeping this in mind when I have my own little ones someday! I love your stories! 🙂
Guess what….I never eat vegetables and I drink a lot of soda 🙂 Im doing totally fine but I do eat a lot of fruit! does that make you feel any better? Probably not because when my toddler won’t eat her vegetables or fruit I worry about it. Do as I say, not as I do 🙂
Love this — well written, to the point, and a good point at that! I stopped worrying overveggies some time back. I focus on fruit. And even then, seomtimes it’s only those prepackaged ones in plastci cups (but now they come in real juice, not syrup!) And I give in to more junk food stuff, but I think over all they eat ok. THey eat CHEESE, so they get calcium, do I get points for that?:))
I am so glad you wrote this! My youngest REFUSED to eat baby food and it was down hill from there. I get excited when he will drink V* Fusion. He doesn’t like fruit either. It makes me crazy insecure and a bad mom…not really a bad mom I just feel that way.
I am waiting for him to get rickets. LOL not really I force feed him vitamins.
Don’t worry, my daughter is 15 & the only vegetable she will eat is corn & french fries, which I have convinced myself is really a vegetable. She lives on chicken, pizza & french fries. I voiced my concerns with her pediatrician & he said he isn’t so concerned about what she doesn’t eat, it’s what is she eating instead (he meant junk food), which unless you call pizza & french fries junk, she doesn’t eat much “junk”. He said to give her a multivitamin everyday & she should be okay.
And she NEVER gets sick (knock on wood), so she is healthy. Don’t fret over it.
Stopping by from VoiceBoks!
http://ziggysblogs.blogspot.com
Love this!! I have one almost the same way!! It takes some creative thinking to make a menu! Lol
Amen and amen. I certainly have a rainbow food fighter on my hands too. It seems he wants nothing that might give him the nourishment he needs. I am happy that he’ll eat breads and muffins with zucchini, pumpkin or banana if I make them with coco powder and chocolate chips though. *sigh*
Good for you! Sounds like you are doing exactly what you’re supposed to and then some. Hang in there. He’ll thank you in about 20 years! 🙂
We’re also having a bit of a food struggle at our house. Our oldest manipulates his grandparents into giving him snacks before meals when we’re with them, so now, he won’t eat his dinner. It’s a battle I am fighting with all my might. That boy will eat his dinner one way or another…as a meal or a snack!
I think this is a common struggle, and I agree with your first pediatrician – as long as you’ve provided a balanced and nutritious meal for them, then you’ve done your job (food-wise:). I just do what I can, and try to make fruits and vegetables look like they’re “fun”… sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t:)
Thanks for sharing,
Kristina
This is such a great post. I never had food problems with my children, but my grandson has Sensory issues so he is extremely picky with his food. It could be something as minor as the texture of the food that he doesn’t like, or like Tom, the color. Multivitamins are great for that. But in general, children eat what their bodies need, and I guess some children don’t need as much in the way of vitamins as we think they do? ~Hugs, Mitzi
Another great post. : ) Noah is anti-meat. Ellie isn’t a big fan of fruit and Emily is starting middle school. All I can do is guide, throw up a prayer, and hope for the best! lol
Yes! I can relate! I was just thinking this week that my 1-year-old hadn’t eaten anything green in about as long as I remember. But, thankfully, he is more easily fooled as I stuck some zucchini in his dinner last night. And he even ate a little before he realized my deception. Haha!
It’s funny how different kids are so different. Tom seem to still be growing up great! And, I definitely think ketchup and pizza count as vegetables.
Thanks for another wonderful story!
my son likes meat and that’s about it. he just discovered that he will eat baked potatoes if they are covered in butter and bacon bits. i try to just keep offering foods and we have found a select few vegetables that he likes so i make those at every single meal. i believe you are right about it being our job to offer and show them things and their job to accept or decline. at least we are making them independent and able to make decisions.
Thanks so much for all the great comments!! It’s so nice to know that I’m not alone in the food wars!! I love the support I get here!! Thanks again and much love!!
You really sound like a mother that has really tried her best. But what else can i say, nature made him so. Thanks for the visit.
LOL! My son, who was fed organic food ONLY with a strong focus on fruits and veggies for the first two years of his life, will now only eat chicken nuggets, pizza, grilled cheese, grape jelly meatballs, apples, and a host of snack-type foods. My daughter, who I “got lazy” with, will eat any veggie or fruit put in front of her! Kids are amazing, and just like you said, we can only introduce it; it’s up to them if it works for them or not.
Thanks Kathy for reminding me that no matter what I try or do with Braeden it is ultimately up to him. Even at almost 1 you can see the influence you have over your child and I think as you said it is my job to teach him and guide him and that is what I intend to do. He is his own little person so much already and as long as I do my best I will be ok and I hope he is as well. And let’s not get into the food thing I have never heard of any other child than my own eliminating bottles on their own, my pediatrician gave the same advice as yours just a little more blunt. He said they are smarter than us when it comes to their appetites and tastes so just do the best I can! So cheers to that!
@Jenn, grape jelly meatballs!!!! Thanks for reminding me, Tom does eat a fruit!!!! Lol!!!
They can drive you a little nuts can’t they? Three cheers to wise pediatricians who give us mammas some good advice!!! Thanks so much for all the great comments!! So nice to know we are not alone!!!!
Thanks and much love to all!!!
Sometimes you do what you can the best you know how and trust that a percentage of it (though small) has been ingrained into your children’s beings…
Thank you for the terrific laugh and for reminding me not to get crazy over the vegetable wars. If I can get one green bean passed the tightly clamped lips of my kids I consider it a victory.
I’m horrible about leading by example. I don’t eat a lot of veggies at all. My girls will sometimes eat them, but more often not. And though I’ve heard the ‘provide the food and they decide whether to eat it or not’, it’s still hard not to get upset if you think your child isn’t eating properly. And of course, as our kids get older they may like veggies just fine. 😉
My son isn’t a fan of veggies. But my daughter LOVES them.
Thank you for coming by to Accepting and Embracing Autism. I loved your comment. I have been extremely lucky in that way that my kids now seem to be pretty good eaters. Which is very unusual for kids who have Asperger and Autism. I just wonder if it had to be that maybe we didn’t really worry too much about their food we would just serve up and if they ate they ate. I think I had always been told that if they are really hungry they will eat. I also have friends who have similar problems with children only eating certain very limited foods. You may find as they enter the adult world they will be more likely to eat other things especially when they start going out with a new love. This actually happened to my brother in law who tended to only eat meat. He wouldn’t touch vegies. My sister who was more into vegies then meat has actually been able to get him to now eat lots of vegies. So you just never know. Even though we have 2 that have been diagnosed we actually the other 3 have some sort of ASD. The oldest one Josh who was 13 in January is really showing us what the teen years are like. Getting in trouble at school and really testing the boundaries. They tell that the teens are similar to the toddler years. So we are in for a fun few years. I just have to believe that by praying over each of my children that God will keep them safe and never put them in situations that they really won’t be able to handle.
I’ve been so lucky that my kids will eat just about anything and actually seem to prefer vegetables and fruit to snacks and sweets.
I don’t provide the best example to my kids anymore, either. When my older ones were younger I did, but I’ve kindof fallen off the eating healthy wagon with the younger ones.
If it makes you feel any better, I distinctly remember spitting my vegetables into my napkin as a kid. Now, I eat them constantly! Tastes change…
Thanks for checking out my little blog!
WOW – your post sounded so much like my life with my girls lately – It’s difficult allowing our kids to take it or leave it… knowing that at times they are making mistakes – (I hate that) but I guess they will never learn who they are without making their own choices – even if it’s the wrong one…
Love to you
Kelly
We have an adult friend who will not eat any vegetables at all. He’s in his 50’s, and has not eaten them his whole life. You can’t even say the word “salad” around him, and he will throw BBQ’s, and you get meat and beer…that’s it.
You’re right about standing back, and letting your kids find their own way. Right now, my 3rd in line step-daughter has her first broken heart, and she’s so distraught, and talking about dropping out of law school. Of course when we tell her it will pass, and that we know exactly, and to not make a very poor decision of dropping out, she of course, doesn’t hear it at all. Fingers crossed that she will find her way okay, and figure it out.
Thanks for a great post!
New follower. Thank you for friending Grandma Bonnie from Voiceboks.
I love your blog. Looks like I can spend some time here with a cup of tea.
Lol, out of 4 children I had 3 picky eaters.
My youngest will not eat fruit, chocolate or ice cream. The last two I’m not complaining about but the fruit baffles and frustrates me! My oldest loves fruit and devours it so I agree that it really does depend on the kids and all we can do is try our best.
Great post. Our grandchildren ( the younger ones) are picky eaters. I love hiding veggies in things. Like pureed broccoli in brownies etc. Sounds yucky but you can’t taste it and they still eat their veggies. Hugs
Great post 🙂 And good to know! I have 1 14-month old, so food wars are just beginning in our home! Stopping by from vB and am your newest follower! When you get a second, I would love for you to swing by my blog and follow back!
Ashton
http://www.somethingswanky.com
{Sweet Treats Thursday} Thu-Sun
I can all too well relate to this post. My 1st will not touch (literally) a fruit or veggie… or meat. We later discovered this was a sensory issue related to his Autism. The 2nd child eats fresh spinach salads with french vinaigrette dressing, and LOVES broccoli. Go figure. God took pity on me I’m sure because I did not have the strength to go toe to toe with child #2 over food.
Great post! Now following!
Hi Kathy, I could only hope you went crazy so I could have some company with me, lol. My oldest would never eat french fries, chocolate, or anything green. He would eat Lima beans, sweet potatoes and squash though. I was more upset over the french fries and chocolate. Was this normal?! I am pleased to say at 25 yrs. old he eats everything healthy but still doesn’t eat french fries or chocolate, I however eat his share of them. You are an awesome mom, just in case I haven’t told you lately. Love ya, Jodi
It’s so important for us to pick and choose our battles as parents. You gave it your best shot and your son will be better for it in the long run, broccoli or no broccoli!
My 3-year-old love veggies…for the first two years of his life. Green beans were his favorite food! But now that he has watched some of his older siblings complain about anything green, he has stopped eating them. Any thoughts on how to fix this problem anyone? I love veggies and always help myself to a large serving.
Sandy
http://www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com
This was so well-written! I love what you had to say, and I agree. My daughter is a hard-sell when it comes to most veggies. She is a hard sell when it comes to eating period!
My family doctor likes to point out that my daughter watches too much TV. 2 hours a day. That includes any TV, DVD’s, and video games. Oh, and computer. Let’s see. What world is my doctor living in? I don’t know of a child who only participates in those activities for that period of time. The TV is always on, and I am on my computer for 6 hours a day easily.
Oh, and my daughter’s doctor is my doctor too. She told me last year I drank too much coffee. I chose to leave out the details this year so I didn’t have to hear about it.
I am now following your blog. Have a great evening!