My dishwasher's possessed

one mom's attempt to find humor in the chaos

Best Management Training on Earth

By

The other night I was so tired, and our youngest, Peter, was just not going to sleep. It was one in the morning, and I was desperate. I brought out the big gun.

“Peter, that’s it. I’m putting on All the Presidents Men”.

“No mommy. No All the Presidents Men,” came his plea for mercy.

I was too tired for mercy.

Yes, my secret is out. When I can’t get my youngest to sleep, I bring him into my room (if he’s not there already) and put on a movie that’s guaranteed to bore him to sleep. All the Presidents Men is my strongest weapon. If I’m feeling a little more patient, it’s Julie and Julia or Field of Dreams.

But this was a night for a political thriller.

Before Woodward met Bernstein, Peter was asleep.

I’ve developed such a strange skill set in 12 years of motherhood that I started thinking how I could possibly define it if I was ever looking for work in the corporate world again. How could I possibly sum up all the creative problem solving I’ve done as a mom? Is there a position where I could use all these skills?

As I was considering my options, I thought about CEO of a Fortune 500 company or perhaps Secretary of State.

Yes, Secretary Clinton’s impressive resume includes turns as senator, first lady, lawyer, and congressional aide on her way to becoming the nation’s chief diplomat. Admittedly, I’ve been none of these.

But, how much do you want to bet that when it comes down to the nitty-gritty negotiations she has to do with world leaders, she relies on her time as a mom as much as any other position she’s held?

Who does more day-to-day negotiations than a mother? Every day we have to get our little darlings to do things that they just don’t want to do. Eat with a fork, use the potty, not put their fingers in their noses, and that’s just for starters.

When my oldest, Tom, was four, he refused to go into a Friendly’s restaurant because he feared they might play music that he found painful to his ears. I spent almost an hour, slowly and carefully getting him from the car to the restaurant, determined that he not let fear rule his life. Now it may not be the same as getting Middle Eastern heads of state to the negotiating table, but, it’s pretty close.

Thankfully I had my own dad to encourage me and stay with a then one-year-old Lizzy while she slept in the car. But, every good executive has assistants to help her out with difficult assignments.

I have made burping noises while cutting fingernails so little people don’t get freaked out but don’t have cat claws either. I have sung, ate and swallowed every animal in “I Know an Old Lady Who Swalled a Fly” to entertain children while we wait for what seemed like hours in doctors’ offices. I even came up with a story of a princess who learned to get out of the pool without screaming, so I could avoid a meltdown and get everybody out of said pool in one piece.

I am no pushover either. I have slashed TV, iPod, and movie privileges when the situation called for it, and I did not back down. If I could withstand the furror of a teenager, I’m pretty sure I could handle a board room of executives.

We haven’t even spoken about the multi-tasking required to diaper a baby, contain a toddler, and make an appointment with the pediatrician all at the same time as you look over a picture book with your eldest child lest they feel left out. It’s perfect preperation for a board meeting.

Motherhood may be the best training ground we have to develop strong leaders and heads of industries.

If there are any future leaders who don’t have time right now to start their own families, yet would like a crash course in a) negotiating, b) improving productivity, and c) operating on time and within budget, I will gladly let them spend time with my family. Come spend a few days being in the trenches of motherhood with me. It’s a sacrifice I would make for the good of my country.

Comments

  1. Larri @ Seams Inspired says

    LOL! Don’t mess with Momma…EVER. ☺

    The easiest part of being a Mom is childbirth. You go, Mom. I’ve got your back. There’s nothing more intimidating than my Momma ‘glare.’ I could scare even the biggest of bullies just by looking at them.

    Happy Sunday almost Monday! ☺

  2. V. Furnas says

    I feel your pain. I have resorted to Sense and Sensibility. The kids didn’t make it through the opening credits. They were sleeping so hard picked them up and they were gone for a solid 8 hours. Bliss.

  3. XLMIC says

    Ha! They’d be lucky to have your training course 🙂 It is a very interesting and impressive skill set we develop, isn’t it? LOL

  4. Kristina says

    So true – mothers really do have so many skills:)

    Very funny story about the movie! I wish that worked for my youngest – if he wakes at night (which is not often), he insists on watching “The Jungle Book” (and only this one!) from start to finish, then he taps his very sleepy mummy on the shoulder and says it’s time for night-night… Whatever works:)

    Thanks for sharing,
    Kristina

  5. Tired Mom says

    I’m cracking up!!! LOL!!! And, my husband also suggests adding the first Star Trek: The Original Motion Picture to the collection of boring movies. And I know it works ’cause I ALWAYS fall asleep whenever he puts it on! =)

  6. Kathy says

    Well now I will have to add Sense and Senseabilty and Star Trek to my repatoire!!! Thanks!!!

    Kristina, I love that your son wakes you up to say good night!! My son does that sometimes too!!

    We do all develop some strange, yet useful skills don’t we!! Thank you all for your great comments!! Much love to you all!!

  7. thea says

    We didn’t have DVDs when my kids were young .. such a great idea. I can think of other movies that would do the same thing. It would probably work now when i want to be alone .. maybe Gone With the Wind ..

  8. Kathy says

    Gone with the Wind is a good one!! I can never get through that one without falling asleep! Thanks!! My mom has said the same thing about not having DVD’s or Videos. When I was sick I do remember watching the Late Show, and the Late Late Show (Not David Letterman, it was a movie for all you younger people! lol!) Thanks so much for stopping by!

  10. Rachel Joy says

    Hahah this is great. For some reason I say one thing to my children that always encourages them to sleep thus avoiding the miserable struggle: “Hurry and go to sleep so you can wake up and do this all over again!” Works every time (except with my 1 year old, he hasn’t quite learned the concept yet)

  12. Becky Jane says

    You’ve summed up my world perfectly…I would hesitate to ever vote for someone that was not already a parent…lessons are to valuable!

  14. Spilled Milkshake says

    Another awesome post!

    I also have a couple of movies I will put on in my room to bore my child to sleep (it’s only my 6 year old still requiring this particular skill) lol.
    Christina

    P.S. Visiting from voiceBoks!

    ♥

  16. Yetsky says

    I like the way you put your son to sleep. I have an 8 year old boy, I can use that trick. Thanks for sharing.

  17. Beck Gambill says

    You have my vote! There is no experience like motherhood, many men couldn’t do it. Actually nothing is more gratifying than hearing my husband say “I could never do what you do.” Which of course is true!

  19. Christine says

    You had me laughing from the moment I read the title of your blog! (If I EVER get a dishwasher that actually works, it will be a miracle.) It’s so true the things we have to do as mamas are often so bizarre! I will be looking forward to your next post. 🙂
    ~Christine at Why We Love Green

  21. Hot Air 1 says

    I sell advertising and there are days when business owners closely resemble my crew when they were young. Stay at home! Best training on the planet 🙂

  24. An Irish Italian Blessing says

    Ok this is such a perfect post for me. I swear, I’m the queen of negotiations and probably with one of the hardest type of client…a toddler!!! Getting them to “agree” to anything should definitely win me some type of award.

  26. Jess says

    THAT was AWESOME! the only fear I’d have is that my 3 year old has inherited my inability to fall asleep during a movie no matter how boring. I just might have to try that though.
    Maybe we should start a coup and overthrow the Govt. with SAHM’s!

  27. Judy says

    I will have to keep this in mind when my kids are a little older :).

    I like your thought on Secretary Clinton…many of the skills she has were either learned as a mother, or likely from her mother!

  29. Mel~ @ Lifestwistedstitches.com says

    Amen and amen Momma! I am submitting resumes and interviewing, at this point in my life, after being a SAHM /WAHM of two wpecial needs kiddos for a decade. Finding the means to succinctly articulate what my skill sets are now and to market myself toward todays employment pool (what there is of it) is the most daunting thing! I do know, however; that I have a tremendous amount of worth, strength, and value for whoever would be willing to let me work with them….

  30. Kathy says

    Amen to that Mel! Judy I love the point you made about Secretary Clinton, that she learned things from her mom as well.

    All the kidding aside, we as moms have learned and developed so many skills that really are marketable, we have to come up with a way to make that point to future employers, if and when any of us choose/need to go back to the paid workforce. Okay, I will get off my soapbox and stop preaching to the choir!!! Thanks to all for such great comments! Much love to you all!

  31. Samantha Sotto-Yambao says

    MOMS – The original multi-hyphenates 🙂

    I love your little tricks of the trade! I have my own “you-better-get-to-bed-now-unless-you-want-to-watch-Supernatural-with-me” card and I’m not afraid to use it. 😉

  33. Grumpy Grateful Mom says

    Awesome post! I think you should just use this as your resume for all future job applications. Getting Tom to go to Friendly’s made me laugh. I’m not sure my negotiating skills are that strong. I would have given in with a bribe. 🙂

  34. Shana says

    You go! I feel like I should vote for you for something! 🙂 I’m your newest follower from voiceBoks! Thanks for visiting my blog!

    blog.writerslairbooks.com

  37. Jenn @ Coolest Family on the Block says

    hahahaha, I love this! And I love how he begged, “No Mama!” because you’ve used this before.

    I’ll have to remember this tactic, although I’m not really sure which movie I’d use considering most of mine are Disney movies and musicals (purchased pre-children, mind you)…maybe Lord of the Rings would work.

  39. Mommy LaDy Club says

    Kathy,

    You’re such a good writer! It’s all so true and yet, we end up having no work resume after raising kids, huh. Mine are all raised, and I’m back in the work force, but as an entrepreneur and owner of my businesses. I do use my Step-Mom skills all of the time, especially in Real Estate deals!;)
    Cheers from vB, and thanks for coming by Mommy LaDy Club…
    Courtney
    http://www.mommyladyclub.com

  41. Atlanta says

    I really enjoyed reading this, and even though my child is only 14 months old. I have already started those negotiations with him! “eat that bite of green beans and you get a cookie” crazy thing us, he already understands that too! But I am with you on the no pushover thing! I already have to stay firm with him on some things and he completely understands no now without any further actions. I think all us mother’s have the best training. Need something done, ask a mom! 🙂

    Thanks for following from Voiceboks! I am now following you back as well!

    Mandy @ Atlanta Military Mom

  42. Quay Po Cooks says

    Haha, movie can never bore my son when he was little, instead of he falling asleep watching movie, I will be the one! Multi tasking for all mommies is a”must have skill”. Oh for sure they have to be good negotiators for sure!

  43. prototypemama says

    lol– so glad I found you! This is very well spoken! I’m a mother of 4 and I was blessed with little old men that like to sleep and will fall asleep anywhere but burping while you clip nails– I defiantly need that skill— they hate it! love it!

  44. Sandra says

    You’re so right! After 15 years of motherhood, I totally feel I could go into Afghanistan and sort those people out!
    Boring movie is a superb idea for putting the kids to sleep! you’re brilliant yet with a side of evil. I love it!

  46. Kim Bee says

    I’ve been home for almost 23 years and I know when I go to apply for jobs they are going to ask what experience I have. I am going to have to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

  49. Columba Lisa says

    Yes, moms are highly over-qualified to run not just the country but the entire planet! If only the rest of the world had the sense to recognize this, lol! Visiting today from VoiceBoks!
    Blessings,
    Lisa

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  55. Kirsten says

    Hi Kathy – First let me say thank you for coming by to my blog .. It’s a pleasure to know people are actually visiting and reading it!

    Now on to your blog …My lord girly! You have put so much effort into this post.. I love it !!!! Motherhood is not easy whats so ever… so I say damn it we should stick that on our resume!!

Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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