As a girl, I loved the story of how my parents chose my name. My mother loved the name Christina and planned to use it if she ever had a girl. But, as she would say, she changed her mind the minute the doctors put her beautiful baby daughter in her arms. She took one look at me, fell in love and decided I was meant to be a Katherine.
In my early twenties, I learned from my dad that there was more to the story. Apparently after hearing of my intended name, my maternal grandmother was so upset that she dispatched my grandfather to the hospital. He let my mother know that if she did not name me after her mother, my grandmother would never speak to her again.
I’m not sure if my poor mom was just tired from a difficult, 24-hour labor or if she just wanted to please her mother. I do know my name is Katherine Lee and that I was named for my maternal grandmother and my paternal grandfather. My mom did rebel a bit though. My grandmother spelled her name with a C.
Perhaps you can tell that I come from a long line of strong women who like to get their way. Such a personality trait will always complicate mother-daughter relationships.
My mother and I are no exception. I spoke very early and had no problem speaking my mind. This complicated our relationship, and we have had our share of heated battles through the years.
Thankfully, with age, and the arrival of my own children our relationship has mellowed.
I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t easy to raise. My firstborn, although a boy, reminds me so much of myself that at times I want to scream. At other times, I want to call my mother and thank her for not strangling me. He embodies qualities I like about myself as well as many that may make me seem… well, challenging.
When he and I fight, my mother’s words echo in my mind, “I wish upon you the same thing my mother wished upon me… a child as difficult as you are.”
She got her wish, I have three.
My mom had three girls, and I thought I got away easy with two boys and only one girl. I remember the wars that would occur in a house of almost all women.
My poor dad.
I also, foolishly, had the idea that given my daughter’s special needs, our relationship would be easier. After all, the world is so hard for Lizzy to navigate, especially when it comes to language. Surely that would help us avoid the mother-daughter battles that were an everyday occurrence in my childhood.
All I can say is, Lizzy is one strong little girl. It’s a great trait for her given all the challenges she faces. It’s not so great for me as her mother.
This was apparent a few weeks ago when Lizzy participated in her first Special Olympics.
“No mommy, no hair.”
“Lizzy, stand still, I just want to fix your bow.”
“Noooo, you’re hurting me. Leave me alone,” she said very loudly.
Just what a mother wants to hear with 50 other parents and volunteers watching us.
“Very good sentence, Lizzy. Now stand still,” I said in a tone that would earn me canonization.
This was only slightly more embarrassing then last year during dinner at my in-laws. “Mommy. Get off my back,” she said.
The difference between Lizzy’s outbursts and those of a typical child is that when Lizzy does this, my family doesn’t think less of us. They’re too busy trying not to laugh.
“Kathy, she is doing really well,” my sister-in- law whispered to me as my husband escorted Miss Lizzy away from the table.
Lizzy has also spread her wings in shcool. One day her teacher called me, laughing. Lizzy was getting very frustrated with the math that she was working on. All of a sudden, she headed for the door and said, “That’s it, I’m out of here.”
My daughter’s show of independence has always stirred a host of different emotions for me. First, is just plain anger and a little shock. How can my sweet baby talk to me like that?
But that anger is tempered with gratitude. It’s hard for me to be too mad when I waited so long to hear her speak. What she says is less an issue because I am just so thrilled to hear her say anything.
Inside my beautiful daughter’s very complicated brain is a little girl who is a lot like me. She just wants her mom to leave her hair alone and let her be.
My job is to learn the delicate balancing act of letting her go just enough, yet still keeping her safe.
My entire family is made up of people with strong personalities, so there’s been head butting all around. I can see myself in my two little ones, and even though I didn’t give birth to my oldest, she is so much like me, it’s beginning to really, really not be amusing. I apologized to my mom not that long ago, I told her I didn’t realize how annoying I was when I was younger, until I had a pre teen. She just laughed, and told me to wait and see. So, now i’m waiting for the teenage years, where i’ll probably apologize to her again. AS always, thanks for another awesome post! Also, your daughter sounds awesome in every way, how blessed you are to have each other!
I’m loving your beautiful, but hilarious Sunday posts! It sounds like you are the perfect Momma to those sweet strong willed children.
From the stories you tell, I think your daughter has your sense of humor too. I love the “I’m outta here comment.”
I’ve had some amazing battles with my oldest daughter. Before I had children, I sincerely used to think that if I just showed my kiddos unconditional love then they would be perfect. Ha!
It’s amazing to me how some kids are just born with such strong personalities.
I’m so impressed with your great attitude despite all you have on your plate.
Good luck with the hair this week. 🙂
Lol, yes!! So true. Jonathan reminds me of me – good AND bad! My poor parents…
Another beautiful post!! My name is also “KATHERINE” spelled the exact same way. I knew I liked you but now I like you even more!!!!! It sounds like you’re Lizzy is is being the exact daughter she is supposed to be. Your mom probably likes this : )
What a great post… love the story of your naming AND the discussion of mother-daughter relationships 🙂 Love the independence that Lizzy is showing… though it sounds hard to cope with at times. My oldest is very similar to me… and my mom keeps bringing that up whenever I have a kvetch about him 😛
“That’s it I’m out of here”…
Oh she sound like quite a charachter all right, and all credit to you!!
Thank goodness she has found a voice and is going to grow up to be a strong woman like her mom. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a strong woman in this day in age. Especially when you see that quality in your daughter. You know that there is less likely of a chance that she will get walked all over later on in life.
Although, I have two “strong willed” daughters with another on the way. I have daily struggles with my almost three year old. Who knows what I have in store for me in the future. I’m a little scared.
Another beautiful post. You write so beautifully x
I love how your posts always take us on a journey towards such poignant lessons about family, relationships, love and life 🙂
Great Post Kathy,Hard to type with the tears in my eyes. Your writing always makes me cry. Funny stories of Lizzy Thanks God she is like you. What a blessing she is.
Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments and support, it really means the world to me!
I do oftern feel like I owe my parents a big apology whenver one of my children does something reminicent of my sisters and me! It is a wonder we all survived!!
Thanks again, much love to you all!
Great post. I also got a daughter like myself. Sometimes I ask my husband where she got her attitude from, he stops what he is doing and looks at me. Then I remember. Me.
I couldn’t help but laugh at Lizzy’s remarks. “That’s it, I’m out of here.” I love it.
Beautiful! Definitely happy she called you Katherine! It’s a gorgeous name.
Hi my friend, even though I already commented on Momster had to come take a peek and voice my pleasure on your latest blog. As always you are such a gifted writer and a wonderful funny and heartwarming story teller. Always your #1 fan after your family of course. Love ya, Jodi
Hi Kathy! Thanks for your sweet post! I am sure we watch some of the same things I just don’t have enough time in the day to get to all the stuff I want to post LOL feel free to throw things out there if you ever want to chit chat about a show. I love this story because I was an Aurora till my Mom held me and chose Tara while it was not because her mom or anything it was just who I was. Now I have my son who is like me and her head strong and determined. I know your daughter has special needs but I just love how she speaks her mind. I think we could all learn a little from her ability to tell it like it is without apology!
Thank you everyone for the nicest comments and support! Miss Lizzy is definelty one of a kind. I just got a note in her notebook today that said, “Lizzy had a good day, though she was somewhere in her own world. When Mrs H (her aide) asked her to get a puzzel instead of “playing pretend” (which means talking to herself very animatedly) Lizzy replied “You are ruining my life!” Honestly I couldn’t make this stuff up!!! Thankfully everyone adores her and I love to laugh!! Thanks again!
great post =)
Wonderful post! I’m like your mother in that I have 3 girls. We already have mother daughter battles almost daily though. hehe They’re ages 6 and under and I can only imagine how it’ll be as they get older. 😉 It does make you appreciate what our mothers had to go thru while raising us. lol
Really great post! What is it about little girls and their independence? *plucking gray hair*
Thanks for stopping by!!
It gave me the chance to know your great blog!!
:))
I’ll be back!
What a lovely post. On the strength of it, I read through your others. I really enjoyed the time I spent here and I’ll definitely be back. I hope you have a great day. Blessings…Mary
Hey Kathy! Thanks for thinking about me. We are trying to get things back to normal. Just got the “check” from the insurance company. Now off to the estimates and stuff before getting the house all fixed up. Trying to get back into a normal routine though. Getting tired of seeing the damage however. Very impatient now.
I laughed when I read your blog name, I’m always calling things possessed. Lovely story, nice getting to know more about you.
I love the name of your blog. I currently have an evil dryer which is totally out to get me. 🙂
My daughter has Down Syndrome and is a total opinionated spitfire! One of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met (no idea where she get it )
Thanks for visiting my blog! I’m looking forward to reading more,
Lisa
She sounds like she has a lot of spunk. 🙂
I, too, have a daughter who likes to speak her mind, and at times it drives me crazy, but you remind me it can also be a good thing.
Thanks for stopping by to celebrate my 100 GFC. I enjoy reading your posts, too!
Loved this post!.
I was actually born Kathleen but being a girl of strong will I renamed my self …. twice! When I was 15 I went by my initials which eventually evolved in to Casey ( KC) When I left my ex I decided that as I had now grown I needed a name to suit that so I became Caitlin ( Irish version of my name and yes I do have Irish blood in me!) I also gave myslef a middle name as I always wanted one ( and all my brothers and sisters got one) So I added Grace into the mix and now use that. Needless to say my parents were not happy. My parents a re not happy with me .., a lot. and sadly they have decided to disown me. Which makes my name to me even more poignant. I am me.
Thanks guys for all the great and thoughtful comments! I so appreciate it! Love to you all!
Lovely post:). Having taught kids with special needs, I know just how tough a job it must be to raise them! Thanks for sharing:)
Love this post. I also am a Kathryn, my mother named me after her (men do it all the time!)
My daughter is still a bubbly infant but I dread the day when her independence peeks through. I pray she will have her father’s calmness and easy-going nature. Too many strong-willed women in one family certainly make for an interesting time! Thanks for sharing this.
Kathy you are so sweet! I love that you shared your beloved dress and would loved to have seen in being warn by your daughter. I would totally wear my wedding dress all over again.
(BAH – totally thought i was commenting on your recent post, no clue how i ended up here :))