When you’re the parent of a special needs child, learning to handle the looks and stares of strangers becomes an important part of the job.
For years, I was very self conscious and would go out of my way to smile and educate people whenever I noticed someone staring at my daughter.
Then I went through a period where I was impatient, even nasty, if I detected the slightest insensitivity toward my daughter.
There was a time when Lizzy was about five, and my husband and I took all three kids out with us to buy my dad a birthday present. For some reason, Lizzy started to get upset and began to have a meltdown.
Joe told her to take a deep breath. A fellow shopper overheard him say this and decided it was a good idea to make fun of that advice. She loudly said, for all to hear, “Oh, a deep breath, that is a great way to parent. That’s not the way I raised my children.”
I responded in my most syrupy voice. “Oh, do your children have special needs, too? Any ideas you could pass on to us would be great.”
She looked at me and stared for a moment. Then she smiled while she stammered a bit letting us know what a beautiful child we had and wishing us well.
Fortunately, there have been so many more people who have helped make our day a bit brighter. So often, they’re complete strangers, but I’ll always be thankful for their thoughtfulness.
When Lizzy was nine, a little girl of about six was waiting at the hair salon with her father while LIzzy and I were also waiting. Lizzy was singing and being a little silly and acting more like a toddler of two or three.
The girl was smiling at Lizzy. I smiled back and explained that Lizzy’s special needs make talking a challenge and a struggle for her.
She replied, “Oh that’s OK. She is just like my friend on my bus.” And with that she started to color with Lizzy. Her father and I started to talk, and he told me about his autistic nephew. The four of us had a great time while we waited our turns, and they both made a big fuss over LIzzy when she was finished with her hair.
At another time when Lizzy was five, I was waiting with her to pick up my son from chess club. Lizzy started screaming, and I was on the verge of losing it. Another woman we were waiting with smiled at me, and told Lizzy how much she loved her dress. Lizzy started smiling and talking a bit. Shortly after that, my son was done with chess club, and it was time to go home.
Just this week, we had Lizzy in Manhattan for a doctor’s appointment. As we headed back to our car, we ran into a very nice woman who was walking her two small, white dogs. Lizzy smiled at the dogs and when she asked if she could pet the puppies, the woman showed her how to do it and told her a little bit about the dogs. The smile on my daughter’s face made a difficult day a lot brighter.
I don’t know if any of these people, or the countless others who smile, say a kind word, or offer a helping hand, remember these events. But for a brief moment, they brightened my day and made my daughter happy. In that instant, they made all the difference in the world to a little girl, and I can’t thank them enough.
xoxo
Katherines Corner recently posted…Birthday Plus Christmas Cash Giveaway
Thanks sweet friend! xo
Kathy Radigan recently posted…The Kindness of Strangers
Thank you for reminding me of all the strangers who have made our lives a little easier. I don’t know why the painful or embarrassing ones seem more powerful sometimes… Just reading what you wrote brought a smile as I remembered our own experiences.
Robin recently posted…I’m Out Visiting Today… Please Come Visit With Me!
The painful ones can stick out for me too, but this week I was thinking how many more people have been kind and it felt right to focus on that. xo
Aww, sometimes people really do amaze me and make me so thankful that there are still good natured individuals still out there. Was smiling reading about those who have indeed brighted your day. Thank you for sharing here today and hugs to you 😉
Janine Huldie recently posted…Finally Halloween 2014…
Janine you are so right, people really can amaze me too. I know I have so many more to pick from these were just the ones at the tops of my head. It really helps me to focus on the good because really, there is always so much more of that than the nut balls, and why should I give the nut balls all that space in my head! Lol! xoxo
Yes. It is true that there is goodness in the world. Kindhearted people that are compassionate and generous. Thank you for reminding us 🙂
Mytwicebakedpotato recently posted…Outgrown Tater
You are so right Kelly! Thanks!
I need this reminder…that people aren’t all bad. I’m jaded and I see a lot of the bad side of humans. It makes me appreciate it when I see the good side and I really try to use it as a reminder that I don’t want to be one of ‘them’. I want to be a nice person. Someone who makes people feel good.
Here’s to hoping we keep running into the nice people.
Michelle recently posted…Who Is Jessica?
Michelle I find it more helpful for me if I focus on the good. I can’t say I always do this but I can say my life works a lot better when I do! Wishing you a week full of the nicest people possible! xo
Kathy – such a sweet, heartwarming story! Lots of love to Princess Lizzy!
Thanks friend! xoxo
Oh…this post made me tear up. I’m not sure why so many people feel the need to impose their negative feelings on strangers as if they know someone else’s circumstances. BUT…it is absolutely life affirming to know that there are just as many (and hopefully more) who show loving kindness to those they encounter. Who among us doesn’t need her day brightened by kindness?! XOXO –Lisa
The Dose of Reality recently posted…Forget #30 Days Of Gratitude, We’re Doing #29 Days Of Complaining
Lisa it’s important for me to remember that the good really out weighs the rude ones, by a lot. The problem is it’s easier to remember the rude ones and forget how many great people are out there! xoxo Thanks so much friend!
may you and your daughter encounter much more kindness than you you do mean spirited people.
Robbie recently posted…Absurd
Thank you Robbie! That’s a great wish for everyone, right back to you! xoxox
It’s always in the littlest acts of kindness that brings us all the hope we need for humanity and this planet. What a lovely read to start my week! Thanks Kathy xoxo
Joy it’s so true. And it’s funny but we will never really know what the smile we gave our neighbor or the kind word we said to the check out person meant to them too. A little kindness goes such a long way, doesn’t it!!! Thank you my dear, dear, friend! xoxo
Oh my gosh, why do people do and say things like that? That makes me crazy just thinking about it. People need to stop and think about the fact that they are seeing a snippet of other people’s lives out in public. But mostly they need to practice compassion, understanding and mind their own biz-nezzz. Hugs to you my friend.
Linda Roy recently posted…Hurray, I’m Published! Clash of the Couples Has Arrived
Linda the first few years were the worst for me and hurt the most. I will say that it has made me much more conscious of how I am to other people. And the truth is, there have always been more kind people than rude, it’s just that it’s easier to focus on them. Which is really sad! Hugs right back to you!
Kathy loved this. There truly are so many kind, loving people out there. Everyone else is just white noise.
Shannon Bradley-Colleary recently posted…10 Things NOT to do on Your Child’s Field Trip
Thanks Shannon! You are so right, the trick is focusing on the many kind people and blocking out the white noise. It’s much easier now, 12 years in. It was much harder when Liz was younger. xo
That’s lovely, Kathy–I think it’s wonderful when strangers can pitch in and help, in whatever ways they can.
Karen recently posted…Jian Ghomeshi and fallen idols
Thank you so much Karen.
What a beautiful post and reminder that there are many nice people in this world who brighten our days. Kathy, I truly hope you encounter more of them than the rude, jerks that never cease to amaze me. xoxo
Thanks sweet friend!! There are more nice people then jerks, unfortunately the jerks have a tendency to stick in my mind longer that is why I wrote this because the truth is for ever jerky comment, there are 10 more that are supportive!! xo
Thank you for making me smile today, it really is about the little things, isn’t it?
Lauren Stevens recently posted…Featured WAHM: Turn Your Baby
I loved this Kathy! Oh momma, I have been there!!!! Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers. And I haven found the older my son gets – and therefore the more obvious it is that he’s special needs – the more kindness I encounter.