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The Power of Hugs and Kisses

November 15, 2015 By Kathy Radigan

The Power of Hugs and KissesOnce I got over my initial shock about the tragedy in Paris, I tried to figure out how to help my three children feel safe in a world that is filled with horrific events. 

I then remembered a piece that my friend and author, Estelle Erasmus, and I published on Elephant Journal back in March about the importance of hugging and kissing our children throughout their lives.

I realized that touch is the one way I can connect with all three of my kids, regardless of their different ages, and help us all feel a bit more comforted at a time when there is such uncertainty all around us.

I am very grateful to Estelle for allowing me to share this piece with you on the Dishwasher.  

 

What Wise Moms Know: The Priceless (Healthy) Gift of Hugs and Kisses

 

Want to improve your children’s lives?

Studies show that hugging someone you love can ease their stress and anxiety, and kissing your kids helps them become resilient adults.

Here two moms write about the importance of hugs and kisses with their kids—of varying ages. The bottom line: showing affection never gets old.

Hugs in Progress by Kathy Radigan

The other night I was in my bed peacefully sleeping next to my husband when I was awoken by loud knocking and the cries of my youngest child saying, “Open the door mommy, I need a hug.”

I wasn’t thrilled to be shocked out of my slumber, but I was grateful that all it took to make a nine-year-old nightmare better was a hug from me.

I could feel my stress and annoyance melt away as his skinny arms wrapped around me. All of a sudden my cozy bed didn’t hold as much appeal.

My days of being comforter-in-chief feel numbered. Peter is now the only member of my family that is shorter than I am.

When I want to hug my 16-year-old son, Tom, I have to stand on my toes. His once soft baby cheeks are now in need of a shave. One minute he wants to be left alone, and the next he wants my undivided attention.

Truth be told, he doesn’t always act so huggable.

But he still needs them. I sometimes forget that.

Especially when he flashes me some lovely teen attitude or acts surprised that once again the sun has risen, and it’s time for school.

Yesterday Tom was hunched over the dining room table studying for a test. Mountains and mountains of paper were all around him. I was tempted to comment on his lack of organization. But as I looked into his big blue eyes I knew he didn’t need a lesson—he needed a hug.

I put my arms around him, and I could feel him relax.

My hugs are still magic.

 

Our Kissing Ritual by Estelle Erasmus

I am getting ready to leave the house, and a lilting voice stops me. “Mommy, don’t forget my kiss,” says my daughter. I’m always happy to oblige.

There is a famous nursery rhyme that says, “There was a little girl with a little curl in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very good and when she was bad she was horrid.

That verse reminds me of my five-year-old, who has the emotional makeup of an adolescent seesawing back and forth between wanting closeness with her mama and oh-so-fiercely demanding independence.

I worry that our fights over her not wanting to wear a coat in the winter (a non-negotiable), or carrying on when she doesn’t get ice cream after devouring birthday cake at a party (have you seen the sugar monster she turns into?) will derail our closeness as she grows older

Studies show that a close bond between mother and daughter can mitigate some of the storms of adolescence.

Although I have always kissed and cuddled with her since she was an infant, as she grew I’ve created a kissing ritual that she craves. It goes like this: I kiss her in the morning, I kiss her at bedtime and I kiss her before I leave the house to do an errand.

These aren’t perfunctory kisses either. These are not subtle pecks on the cheek; these are “come here honey let me love you and gobble you up” kinds of kisses.

Now she asks for them, “Mommy, please don’t forget my kiss.” And I don’t. Ever.

In these kisses, which she returns, she can rest safe in my love, and I in hers, no matter the storms that come between.

 

Estelle ErasmusEstelle Erasmus is a journalist and former magazine editor who has been published in The Washington Post On Parenting, Salon, Newsweek, Purple Clover, Brain, Child, Marie Claire and more. She blogs at Musings on Motherhood & Midlife. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

 

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: children, Estelle Erasmus, family, hugs and kisses, loss, Paris, teens, tragedy

Comments

  1. Janine Huldie says

    November 15, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    No wonder I adore you two ladies, as your advice is something that I truly couldn’t agree more with as I am always hugging and kissing my girls here and don’t think I will ever not. Thanks though for the reminder here tonight still xoxo 😉
    Janine Huldie recently posted…How to Make the Best Parfait In the Star Wars™ GalaxyMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      November 17, 2015 at 12:47 pm

      Love you! xo

  2. Myke Todd says

    November 15, 2015 at 9:16 pm

    I can relate to this, in a round about way, from current events… I have a loved one in a nursing home, and things are not going well… I will leave it at that, and say, I appreciate what was shared here.
    Myke Todd recently posted…Distant Bell Tower (for Ann)My Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      November 17, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      Thank you so much Mike, I so appreciate your comments.

  3. Lisa Weinstein says

    November 16, 2015 at 7:10 am

    Yesterday, my moody, crazed 18-year old daughter came into the kitchen and said, “I didn’t get a hug today” to which I happily obliged. They are never too old for hugs!!!! Hugs to you Kathy!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      November 17, 2015 at 12:49 pm

      You are so right Lisa, they are never too old for a hug! xoxo

  4. Andrea Brovetto says

    November 16, 2015 at 7:30 am

    Great post! I enjoyed both if your stories! I wish I could have those days back when I felt that my kisses and hugs took away all if your pain! Love you Kathy , Mom

    • Kathy Radigan says

      November 17, 2015 at 12:49 pm

      They still have their power mom! xoxo

  5. Estelle Erasmus says

    November 16, 2015 at 10:17 am

    I loved doing this piece with you. And it really is such a scary time in all our lives now that we all need all the hugs and kisses we can get from our kids.
    Estelle Erasmus recently posted…My Chapter from Love Her, Love Her Not: The Hillary Paradox Was Excerpted in NewsweekMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      November 17, 2015 at 12:50 pm

      Thank you again for letting me share this with my readers. You are so right, in these scary times hugs and kisses really can go a long way in making us all feel a bit safer. xo

  6. Rena McDaniel says

    November 16, 2015 at 7:44 pm

    What a beautiful piece Kathy. I came from a family that doesn’t show their emotions and I was bound and determined to be different with my kids. I’m glad I did!
    Rena McDaniel recently posted…THE CAREGIVER’S TOOLKITMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      November 17, 2015 at 12:53 pm

      Rena, my mom was very open to affection, my dad was less so. It’s so funny to see him with my kids, and my sisters kids, because he is so openly affectionate with them and it’s so good for them all!!! Thank you! xo

  7. nancy@skinnykitchen.com says

    November 17, 2015 at 12:04 am

    I couldn’t agree more. When my kids were growing up there was lots of hugs and kisses from both me and my husband. And we still give them a lot of hugs and kisses!

    • Kathy Radigan says

      November 17, 2015 at 12:53 pm

      Nancy it’s good to know that that power doesn’t go away!!! Love you! xo

  8. Sarah Honey says

    November 17, 2015 at 11:30 am

    So true! I love this!
    Sarah Honey recently posted…Thanksgiving Storytelling TraditionMy Profile

  9. Laurie Stone says

    November 17, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    I love hugging my sons and they’re in their early 20’s. Feeling cherished grounds a person. Its essential to feel whole and valued. If more people got those hugs, this would be a more peaceful world.
    Laurie Stone recently posted…The Night Edgar Winter Taught Me Some Life LessonsMy Profile

    • Kathy Radigan says

      November 17, 2015 at 4:01 pm

      I totally agree Laurie! Thanks!

  10. Jennifer says

    November 18, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    I completely agree! Our children need that consistent affection. I believe it makes them into secure, more confident individuals. Thanks for sharing.
    Jennifer recently posted…I’m Grateful for NothingMy Profile

  11. Deborah says

    January 4, 2016 at 1:11 am

    I loved this beautiful post! As a mother of littles, I love their hugs and kisses. I hope that I can continue as they grow.

    • Kathy Radigan says

      January 4, 2016 at 1:50 am

      Thank you so much Deborah, there is nothing quite like their hugs and kisses!

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Much thanks to Joseph Radigan, who besides being a great husband and father, also uses his talents to gently and ever so tactfully edit my blog. Joe is a business editor at Thomson Reuters in NY.
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